FULMER CUP FREE-FOR-ALL: FOOTLOOSE FELONIOUSNESS FLOWS

by Orson on Feb 23, 2007 11:18 AM EST

After a sluggish start, the Fulmer Cup gains steam nationwide. Our West Coast entry comes courtesy of the University of Washington Huskies' running back Michael Houston, who found the act of driving an automobile so stressful, he was forced to consume some relaxing alcohol prior to travel. He also neglected to ask permission to take the vehicle, which is somehow not stealing at all. (Lawyers! explain, please.)

Scotch: driving's best friend.

Stick around for the kicker tag at the end of this graf:

Huskies running back Michael Houston has been formally charged with "taking a motor vehicle without permission in the second degree" and driving while intoxicated. He will be arraigned Monday in King County Superior Court where he will likely enter a plea of not guilty. If convicted, he could face up to two months in jail.

Last October, Houston was suspended from the team after being arrested for allegedly stealing a taxi cab after a night at a strip club.

If we had a puppy for every time we'd stolen a cab after a long night at the strip club, we'd be completely puppy-less. We know that strange predilections surface when people get trashed. In fact, we've known people who like to steal hats, other people's pants, and fight with shrubbery when drunk.

Taxi cabs, though, represent a new low in unbrained drunken behavior. First, they're bright yellow, and impossible to hide. Second, they have ID numbers written all over them. Third, they smell odd under the best of circumstances. And fourth, they usually come with a driver attempting to pay his/her rent using it, a person who will probably be very reluctant to give the cab up without a fight.

Total points: Two for the moment. We reserve the right to upgrade if tales of shennanigans surface.

Ty Willingham has suspended Houston pending the "outcome of the legal process." He would also like you to know that he just birdied number 5 at Washington National, and that his short game has really tightened up over the winter.

Molder of men! Tamer of tenacious roughs!

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Ty learned how to putt…uh oh…..

by irishoutsider on Feb 23, 2007 11:23 AM EST reply actions

It’s a damn shame the taxi theft occurred during the Fulmer Cup off-season. But most of the negatives you mentioned are probably positives in drunken-football-player-logic: Because it’s bright yellow, you can see exactly what you’re taking. It smells about like your pants do after a night of drinking. And that little cab driver with an accent is merely an opportunity to show your buddies how hard you’ve been working on your guns in the weight room.

by DevilGrad on Feb 23, 2007 11:23 AM EST reply actions

“Stealing” requires the specific intent to permanently deprive – “joyriding” is a lesser crime, which can only truly be appreciated with a proper beverage.

by ya lawya on Feb 23, 2007 11:42 AM EST reply actions

I miss the scoreboard…

by Dave on Feb 23, 2007 11:49 AM EST reply actions

When it rains it pours…

3 Skunkbears rumored to have been caught with fuzzy oregano…

http://varsityblue.blogspot.com/2007/02/tom-beaver-rumors-false.html

by SergeantHulka on Feb 23, 2007 11:49 AM EST reply actions

Unauthorized Use of and Automobile: “My baby-mama gave me the car to go to the store, but I drove to Atlanta to buy Cuban gold from Mike Vick and didn’t bring back her purple Dodge Neon in time for her to go to work at the strip club.” So it’s not really like you ripped the column and ran over the neighbor’s kid on the way down the street. Might be he was given access to the keys in general but wasn’t supposed to be going off that time.

Actually, he’s lucky, here in Ohio it’s up to six months on each charge, unless you’re Maurice Clarett. The guns and bullet-proof sweater-vest usually tick off the cops at that point.

by Snowedin'Bama on Feb 23, 2007 11:55 AM EST reply actions

Well, now I’m singing “Hail to the Lion”…

“Moldy old men.”

by PSUgirl on Feb 23, 2007 12:01 PM EST reply actions

stealing requires an intent to retain possession of the property.

by Annonymous on Feb 23, 2007 12:17 PM EST reply actions

In an alliterative mood, are we? Well, it’s fine fun for a Friday in February.

by irishdevil on Feb 23, 2007 12:17 PM EST reply actions

We miss the scoreboard, too. It’s coming.

by Orson Swindle on Feb 23, 2007 12:32 PM EST reply actions

The Scoreboard just begs for a widget.

by PeterPumpkinhead on Feb 23, 2007 2:39 PM EST reply actions

IS there an added bonus for Houston already having been kicked off of the team down in Austin?

by Bob LaBlog on Feb 23, 2007 5:53 PM EST reply actions

I once stole a vintage Simon and Garfunkle 45 from some girls house while drunk. Not sure what ever became of it.

by Kecalf Bailey on Feb 23, 2007 9:05 PM EST reply actions

Kecalf: that reminded me of the time in my first stint at college when I hooked up with a girl just so I could steal back the Zippo she’d stolen from me about a month before…of course I lost it for good about a week later.

by El Caballo de Sangre on Feb 24, 2007 10:40 PM EST reply actions