WFV UPDATE: PAT LAZEAR AND RANDY MOSS ON INEXORABLE PATH TO CONFLICT
You might assume Smoothie Kings would have, at most, like seventy bucks in the whole place at any given time. You would be wrong: an approximate answer would be at least $463, the exact total tallied by Pat Lazear, a West Virginia signee and All-Met linebacker out of the Washington area who bravely decided to conduct some “amateur field economics research” by walking into a local Smoothie King, taking the money out of the register, and then leave to count it in the controlled scientific environment of his apartment with the assistance of four friends.
And which university stood up for the bold research methods of young Lazear?
That’s right: West Fuckin’ Virginia. (NT: Nupe in VA.) Lazear is on scholarship to West Virginia following the dust settling around his case. Lazear served ten days in jail, has a ten year suspended sentence, and has paid back the $463 he took as part of his settlement. According to West Virginia’s Rich “I’m not going to coach Alabama, seriously, y’all” Rodriguez:
“We have talked to a number of people, and after a thorough review, I am reassured that Pat Lazear will be a successful student-athlete and a positive member of our university community. We are eager for him to join the Mountaineer family.”
One person who cannot be happy about the commitment is Randy Moss, owner of Inta Juice, a fresh fruit juice and smoothie business in Morgantown, West Virginia. Should Lazear attempt to jack Moss’ straight cash, homey, the response could truly be a disgusting display for the ages.
Moss: mess with the smoothies and die, Lazear.
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Go Pat Go!!!!! We’ve got a !st round NFL Draft Pick!!!!!!!
Comment by The PitMan — March 29, 2007 @ 12:02 am
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There’s only one Glebe Road - I think - but there are about thirty 22nd Streets. I’ve lived here for ~4 years and I still consider myself lucky if I can make it from Ballston to Crystal City and back again without getting lost at least once.
Glebe, Ballston (heh heh, she said Balls) and Crystal City?? I clearly haven’t spent enough time in Northern Virginia.
And until you can get to 42, you aren’t threatening Peachtree. I fucking turned on W Peachtree last night trying to get to The Fox to see Spamalot… Goddammit!
Comment by PeterPumpkinhead — February 22, 2007 @ 10:06 am
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But it’s still better than strapping a jerry can of gasoline to the car and heading out to Ashburn or Loudon’s outer reaches, like most of my colleague. I don’t see how looking at cows on the way home is a good thing.
I just had a conversation about this last night… I used to make the drive out to Ass-burn every day. I got used to the time in the car after a while and it wasn’t bad b/c the commute was opposite traffic, but I was spending nearly $200/month on gas. Mileage reimbursement my ass…
My favorite is where Wilson Blvd splits to Clarendon in a graceful double-helix of road-planning evil.
I’ve almost died there a few times myself. I am fully convinced that the overhead X’s to show which lanes are open just change at will to fuck with me.
Side note - N. Glebe, S. Glebe, and W. Glebe is all the same road. But W. Glebe is actually east of the other 2, so the whole thing remains very puzzling.
Comment by CouchBurnin'Girl — February 22, 2007 @ 9:45 am
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Needs more weed.
– Randy Moss
Comment by Dinknflicka — February 22, 2007 @ 12:10 am
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SeaTrojan, I do like “Scotchmo-Moco.” It’s the shizzle. But if you’ve already defeated the forces of Mehmed V, can I have a fez?
NoVaDomer, it’s inescapable, but it’s no more or less boring than some of the Bama - Barner slap-fights.
Comment by DC Trojan — February 21, 2007 @ 10:13 pm
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Man, I can’t escape the inside-the-beltway, traffic, schools and directions DC metro chat even here!
Next time we’ll have to declare a formal threadjack!
Comment by NoVaDamer — February 21, 2007 @ 8:21 pm
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DC Trojan,
How ’bout “The Mojo Trojan from MoCo”? Over time it could be shortened to “The Mojo from MoCo”. Has a nice ring to it.
Hmmm, perhaps “Scotchmo-Moco” in a tri-bute to your heritage, your new home and DEVO?
No? Ok, I’ll start running up the hill by my place looking for heavily armed Turkish troops.
Comment by SeaTrojan — February 21, 2007 @ 7:28 pm
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Everywhere in MD takes 2 hours to get to. And Terp fans are incredibly annoying. But there is a Dave & Buster’s in Bethesda, which I find slightly redeeming.
Everywhere around here takes forever to get to… I never thought I’d miss the streamlined by-ways of Orange County CA, but there you go.
Terps fans are locked in some kind of death-struggle with Hokies fans for general annoyingness. And I’d say that D&B’s is in the Bethesda - Rockville DMZ, but that’s me.
Marylanders find NoVA equally confusing and many pack their passports and a handheld GPS device before crossing the American Legion bridge. To the uneducated eye, there appear to be as many Glebe Roads in Arlington
My favorite is where Wilson Blvd splits to Clarendon in a graceful double-helix of road-planning evil. Getting thrown off in that section caused the closest I’ve come to having a stroke, the fuckers.
But it’s still better than strapping a jerry can of gasoline to the car and heading out to Ashburn or Loudon’s outer reaches, like most of my colleague. I don’t see how looking at cows on the way home is a good thing.
Comment by DC Trojan — February 21, 2007 @ 7:15 pm
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I know N. Glebe. I know S. Glebe. And I just mapquested Alexandria and found W. Glebe. The city planners must be so proud.
Comment by CouchBurnin'Girl — February 21, 2007 @ 6:02 pm
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I could have sworn there was an intersection of Glebe, South Glebe, and West Glebe somewhere down around the Birchmere . . . but, then again, I was heading out of the Birchmere after a fairly full evening when I made that discovery.
Comment by DevilGrad — February 21, 2007 @ 5:54 pm