FULMER CUP UPDATE: DRUNK COCKSMANSHIP, OHIO BONUS

by Orson on Feb 20, 2007 10:08 AM EST

Steven Garcia, prize new Cock for the big ol' Cock himself, Steve Spurrier, makes a debut at Columbia that has him on the early watch list for the Janikowski Award for Four-Year Career Accomplishment in Bad Behavior. It also puts South Carolina, a strong contender for the inaugural Fulmer Cup, firmly in the 2007 race with Garcia's arrest for charges of failure to stop on police command and drunkeness behind a place called "the Knock Knock Club" this weekend.

A "concerned citizen" (we love the fact that a police report might mention a "completely 'ain't give a fuck' citizen someday) called the police after Garcia was allegedly involved in an altercation at the aforementioned Knock Knock Club. Police then found Garcia tottering around the alley behind the club. When Garcia refused to obey orders, this precipitated events proving that when journalists want to be funny, they simply write the driest, most factual thing they can. In life, you don't have to make much up to find some laughs:

When the officer caught up to him, Garcia turned toward the officer "in a threatening manner," and the officer immediately "engaged his baton." The officer did not need to use his baton to complete the arrest.

Garcia tried to zip up his pants and fix his belt, and he smelled of alcohol.

We know what most of you are thinking at this point: "Steven Garcia's just like my dad?" Yes. And he's unusually Christlike, judging from the photo. He looks like he just got through playing a set of hard-praising faithmetal at Messiahfest, where he was ready to get down on his knees and start pleasing Jesus.

Steven Garcia's just all right with me, Steven Garcia's all right oh yeahhhhh...

One point awarded for each charge, bringing South Carolina up to 2 points, and tied for the lead in the Fulmer Cup with West Virginia.

BONUS!!!! Ohio University may have had a few arrests over the past week. Any and all intel should be sent to harumphharumph of the yahoo variety.

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get down on his knees and start pleasing Jesus
…I want to feel his salvation all over my face.

by J.J. on Feb 20, 2007 10:16 AM EST reply actions

DE Ernie Hodge arrested for Underage Alcohol Consumption and Obstruction of Official business.
I assume that means drunk and disorderly.

DE Horace Hubbard arrested for felony vandalism.
No idea what that entails, could be anything from urinating on something upwards.

Both Hodge and Hubbard are freshman who came in from Hargrave Military Academy this year. Hubbard redshirted and Hodge started.

Seeing as I go to Ohio U, can we count this as self-reporting a violation and spare us the Fulmer Cup points….no?…eh, it was worth a shot….

by Dave110 on Feb 20, 2007 10:17 AM EST reply actions

Who’s down with G-O-D?!

by adam on Feb 20, 2007 10:22 AM EST reply actions

Looks like we got a new leader in the clubhouse. Ohio U with 3 early Fulmer Cup points.

by BamaTaxMan on Feb 20, 2007 10:22 AM EST reply actions

Engaged his baton, indeed!

by Ohiodawg on Feb 20, 2007 10:25 AM EST reply actions

Are we sure that he’s not the guy from Creed?

by cowboycane on Feb 20, 2007 10:28 AM EST reply actions

I think young William Wallce was trying to impose Lord’s First Night rights. Rumor has it the altercation started because he pinched a girl’s ass. Any other Gamecock fans have anything to substantiate this?

by Out of Conference on Feb 20, 2007 10:46 AM EST reply actions

Wallace

by Out of Conference on Feb 20, 2007 10:46 AM EST reply actions

Wallace, as he was arrested, was quoted as saying:
“You can never take my
FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!”

Sorry.

by Miller on Feb 20, 2007 10:53 AM EST reply actions

Dave110, Fulmer Cup is based in common sense and reality, unlike the NCAA, ergo no bonus for self-reporting.

by italiangator on Feb 20, 2007 11:09 AM EST reply actions

So how come the ‘cocks get a monopoly on long-haired, non-thinking qb’s? Seems they have a Tanneyhill or its equivalent every decade…

by sb on Feb 20, 2007 11:34 AM EST reply actions

West Va got a commit from a kid who just finished his probation/community service/wrist slaps with a ruler for armed robbery. That’s gotta give them a few points extra. Come on!

by macker on Feb 20, 2007 11:34 AM EST reply actions

So, is it safe to stereotype Gamecock QBs as “assholes that love to get blitzed and tear the club up in Little Five Points” ?

by Willy Mac on Feb 20, 2007 11:36 AM EST reply actions

Referring to Garcia and Blake “Flat Face” Mitchell

by Willy Mac on Feb 20, 2007 11:37 AM EST reply actions

he probably realized where he was and what hand he had dealt himself columbia- this was the best it was ever going to be

by stevechas on Feb 20, 2007 12:54 PM EST reply actions

All I heard was that there was a fight, he was not involved, and when he saw the cops, he ran like an idiot. I didn’t hear anything about Garcia playing grabass.

by rob on Feb 20, 2007 1:20 PM EST reply actions

No, it certainly doesn’t sound as if Garcia was grabbing his ass.

by DevilGrad on Feb 20, 2007 1:35 PM EST reply actions

Willy Mac – I guess Gamecock QBs get sacked in and behind bars, not in Death Valley.

by Out of Conference on Feb 20, 2007 1:48 PM EST reply actions

When you said wrist slaps, I thought about those slap bracelets from the early 90’s. I also thought well those are probably just becoming fashionable in parts of West Virginia. Upon second read I was wrong.

by Zook Line and Sinker on Feb 20, 2007 2:50 PM EST reply actions

If Garcia was grabbing ass, he learned a lot from Blake Mitchell already. Not only is he getting arrested in 5 points like the current starter, but grabbing ass and hoping the girl realizes who he is when they turn around is Blake’s go-to pick up move.

by Mr. Egger on Feb 20, 2007 2:52 PM EST reply actions

Hey, back off him, Mr Egger. We all can’t be smooth like Billy Dee Williams.

by rob on Feb 20, 2007 5:00 PM EST reply actions

Well, even I could admit that Blake is an ugly dude. I mean even Tanneyhill would at least get the trailer park chicks’ attention. Blake, well let’s just say Blake wasn’t Mr. Football in GA his senior year in HS because of his looks.

by Out of Conference on Feb 20, 2007 5:00 PM EST reply actions

Elsewhere in Ohio, it appears that the University [sic] of Cincinnati has hired Gary Barnett as a recruiting consultant.

http://news.enquirer.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070220/SPT0101/302200053

by DevilGrad on Feb 20, 2007 6:59 PM EST reply actions

That [sic] is reserved for a certain school in Athens.

by Mosby on Feb 20, 2007 9:23 PM EST reply actions

After reading the first post, I laughed for nearly 10 minutes. I then tried to explain my laughter to a co-worker and I think he might think I have some sort of mental deficiency. Thank you EDSBS, thank you.

by Mastergator on Feb 21, 2007 11:27 AM EST reply actions