Steven Garcia, prize new Cock for the big ol’ Cock himself, Steve Spurrier, makes a debut at Columbia that has him on the early watch list for the Janikowski Award for Four-Year Career Accomplishment in Bad Behavior. It also puts South Carolina, a strong contender for the inaugural Fulmer Cup, firmly in the 2007 race with Garcia’s arrest for charges of failure to stop on police command and drunkeness behind a place called “the Knock Knock Club” this weekend.

A “concerned citizen” (we love the fact that a police report might mention a “completely ‘ain’t give a fuck’ citizen someday) called the police after Garcia was allegedly involved in an altercation at the aforementioned Knock Knock Club. Police then found Garcia tottering around the alley behind the club. When Garcia refused to obey orders, this precipitated events proving that when journalists want to be funny, they simply write the driest, most factual thing they can. In life, you don’t have to make much up to find some laughs:

When the officer caught up to him, Garcia turned toward the officer “in a threatening manner,” and the officer immediately “engaged his baton.” The officer did not need to use his baton to complete the arrest.

Garcia tried to zip up his pants and fix his belt, and he smelled of alcohol.

We know what most of you are thinking at this point: “Steven Garcia’s just like my dad?” Yes. And he’s unusually Christlike, judging from the photo. He looks like he just got through playing a set of hard-praising faithmetal at Messiahfest, where he was ready to get down on his knees and start pleasing Jesus.


Steven Garcia’s just all right with me, Steven Garcia’s all right oh yeahhhhh…

One point awarded for each charge, bringing South Carolina up to 2 points, and tied for the lead in the Fulmer Cup with West Virginia.

BONUS!!!! Ohio University may have had a few arrests over the past week. Any and all intel should be sent to harumphharumph of the yahoo variety.