BLOGTOBERFEST: THAT ENZYTE GUY IS FULL OF SHIT EDITION

Blogtoberfest! Short Attention Span Theater for the college football...excuse, me, what were you saying? We were thinking about something else.

Two cups of coffee and a letter of intent will get you...nothing, really. Brian from MGo defends Jim Delaney's accusation that the SEC's recruiting practices are undisciplined and unrestrained, and does so convincingly using that math stuff we've been hearing about lately.

This is the long way of saying that the much discussed SEC bitchslap delivered by Jim Delaney in this line...

I wish we had six teams among the top 10 recruiting classes every year, but winning our way requires some discipline and restraint with the recruitment process.

...is just true. You cannot consistently sign 28 player classes without regularly discarding players before their time is up, and where do these guys go once you throw them overboard? I'm guessing the answer is not Harvard.

We'd second that. SEC WOOOO!!! advocacy won't appear in this space, but a few points must be made here, since the water gets hip-deep fast re: recruiting. Brian's probably right on recruiting rankings, though with our "one-two-many" math skillz we'll be up late nights figuring out just how fraudulent recruiting rankings are.


Recruiting, academics. You'll need waders in this debate, though the bikini is optional. And yes, this is a real calendar series. It still can't replace our beloved Matildas calendar, though.

What still reeks of disingenuous rhetoric is Delaney sneering at the academics of the SEC. The SEC's top teams for the past decade have been among its highly regarded academic institutions: Florida, Georgia, and LSU. (Suck it, Randy Newman!) Ditto for the Big Ten: Michigan, Wisconsin, and Ohio State. There's even an outside shot at making an argument here that having good (but not superb) academics correlates with football success.

There is something here about the SEC's scholarship process, but you can wager valuable organs that it's not simple, and it's not uniform. (You know how those SEC types are: meeting with their spider-god to take orders and do things in a uniformly evil way.) There's at least three or four different pieces at work here. We're working on one about what happens to the crew who don't make it, and no, we're not looking for them at Harvard.

Must be willing to spend extensive time in local car dealerships. In completely unshocking Oklahoma news, they're hiring a new compliance officer, which we think you're totally qualified for, by the way. Your first item of business will be dealing with the wagging finger of the NCAA and waving off potential sanctions, since they officially faulted Oklahoma for insufficiently monitoring players' off-the-field jobs in Bomargate.

Still more Boss Hawg madness. If you've never read it, the nastiest letter ever penned to a single, late-adolescent college football fan is still a matter of public record. (Read it here.) Its most memorable phrase: "...remember when you wore the glasses that made you look like a fag?" Yeah, that lady, one Theresa Prewett, physical therapist for Houston Nutt's brother, the source of the whole diatribe whose missive was forwarded on by Nutt's wife, who found portions of the letter "funny."

Her sideline passes have vanished in a poof of smoke from Houston Nutt's broken wand. She's also not to have any contact with any Arkansas football players. Anonymous, faceless men of the internet, we present her picture to complete what is surely a very bad day for her by calling her fattie boombaladdie from the comfort of your desks.

Autobots, roll out:


Did she mention that she wants you to transfer?

Not quite in the rearview...yet. Saurian Sagacity's saying everything we'd like to believe but can't about Florida State: they they're going to completely suck next year, and that their recruiting machine is broken. As dulcet as they rings in our ears, it's probably not true, since any and all talent they had was mediocritized by the worst offensive coordinator this side of Mike "Redzone Raider" Shula. They're stocked and underperforming, though the O-line will be changing significantly. That'll still be their principal weakness.

As for recruiting, Scott Kennedy of Rivals said scotching a year of recruiting is worth it to get your staff in place for the future. And he knows what he's talking about, unlike a rogue blogger who'd like nothing better than to see Florida State do something really spectacular, like lose by thirty points in a shutout to Wake Forest at home. Oh, wait...

It's a meal in a bottle! Catch Bilk fever while you can.

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