Subcommandante Wayne’s somewhere in this video, we know it. Remember the scene in Fargo where William H. Macy has just been turned down by his father-in-law for investment capital? And he walks out to his snowbound car and discovers the windshield caked in ice? And begins grimly scraping away until he loses all composure, slaps the windshield-scraper on the glass and freaks out, giving the viewer a searing vision of one sad little man’s selfish, homicidal agony amidst the cold, snowy wastes of his life?

This video is just like that. (HT: tOSU radar.)

Blogtoberfest! Short Attention Span Theater for the college football…excuse, me, what were you saying? We were thinking about something else.

Two cups of coffee and a letter of intent will get you…nothing, really. Brian from MGo defends Jim Delaney’s accusation that the SEC’s recruiting practices are undisciplined and unrestrained, and does so convincingly using that math stuff we’ve been hearing about lately.

This is the long way of saying that the much discussed SEC bitchslap delivered by Jim Delaney in this line…

…is just true. You cannot consistently sign 28 player classes without regularly discarding players before their time is up, and where do these guys go once you throw them overboard? I’m guessing the answer is not Harvard.

We’d second that. SEC WOOOO!!! advocacy won’t appear in this space, but a few points must be made here, since the water gets hip-deep fast re: recruiting. Brian’s probably right on recruiting rankings, though with our “one-two-many” math skillz we’ll be up late nights figuring out just how fraudulent recruiting rankings are.

Recruiting, academics. You’ll need waders in this debate, though the bikini is optional. And yes, this is a real calendar series. It still can’t replace our beloved Matildas calendar, though.

What still reeks of disingenuous rhetoric is Delaney sneering at the academics of the SEC. The SEC’s top teams for the past decade have been among its highly regarded academic institutions: Florida, Georgia, and LSU. (Suck it, Randy Newman!) Ditto for the Big Ten: Michigan, Wisconsin, and Ohio State. There’s even an outside shot at making an argument here that having good (but not superb) academics correlates with football success.

There is something here about the SEC’s scholarship process, but you can wager valuable organs that it’s not simple, and it’s not uniform. (You know how those SEC types are: meeting with their spider-god to take orders and do things in a uniformly evil way.) There’s at least three or four different pieces at work here. We’re working on one about what happens to the crew who don’t make it, and no, we’re not looking for them at Harvard.

Must be willing to spend extensive time in local car dealerships. In completely unshocking Oklahoma news, they’re hiring a new compliance officer, which we think you’re totally qualified for, by the way. Your first item of business will be dealing with the wagging finger of the NCAA and waving off potential sanctions, since they officially faulted Oklahoma for insufficiently monitoring players’ off-the-field jobs in Bomargate.

Still more Boss Hawg madness. If you’ve never read it, the nastiest letter ever penned to a single, late-adolescent college football fan is still a matter of public record. (Read it here.) Its most memorable phrase: “…remember when you wore the glasses that made you look like a fag?” Yeah, that lady, one Theresa Prewett, physical therapist for Houston Nutt’s brother, the source of the whole diatribe whose missive was forwarded on by Nutt’s wife, who found portions of the letter “funny.”

Her sideline passes have vanished in a poof of smoke from Houston Nutt’s broken wand. She’s also not to have any contact with any Arkansas football players. Anonymous, faceless men of the internet, we present her picture to complete what is surely a very bad day for her by calling her fattie boombaladdie from the comfort of your desks.

Autobots, roll out:

Did she mention that she wants you to transfer?

Not quite in the rearview…yet. Saurian Sagacity’s saying everything we’d like to believe but can’t about Florida State: they they’re going to completely suck next year, and that their recruiting machine is broken. As dulcet as they rings in our ears, it’s probably not true, since any and all talent they had was mediocritized by the worst offensive coordinator this side of Mike “Redzone Raider” Shula. They’re stocked and underperforming, though the O-line will be changing significantly. That’ll still be their principal weakness.

As for recruiting, Scott Kennedy of Rivals said scotching a year of recruiting is worth it to get your staff in place for the future. And he knows what he’s talking about, unlike a rogue blogger who’d like nothing better than to see Florida State do something really spectacular, like lose by thirty points in a shutout to Wake Forest at home. Oh, wait…

It’s a meal in a bottle! Catch Bilk fever while you can.

And now, after a generously late starting time, the continuing saga of…

Don Frank, a.k.a. Frank Broyles, Arkansas’ retired semi-legendary coach and longtime AD, will be retiring after the calendar year 2007. Events on the rancho happened very quickly: the retirement came after a meeting of the board of trustees in executive session, which is Robert’s Rules-speak for “the time when we close doors, say whatever the hell we feel like, and actually start getting things done.”

Broyles has been the biggest patron–lo siento, El Patron Mas Grande!–for Boss Hawg, a.k.a. Houston Nutt. Nutt made it back to the SEC Championship Game this year after winning ten games during the regular season and pounding the daylights out of Auburn at home, one of those games you’ve likely forgotten about that really, really changed the way people saw a Tigersplainsmenwareagle team pegged by many to be a national title contender. (You no stop off-tackle, you no win national title.)

The debacle began with the defeat in the SEC title game and Mustaingate, the lass pictured above who was the blue chip in Nutt’s bonnet in 2006 recruiting. After hiring Mustain’s high school coach to revolutionize the Arkansas offense, Nutt slowly reeled in Gus Malzahn, benching Mustain and marginalizing the spread attack until the Arkansas offense looked a lot like the run run punt attack Nutt has trademarked at Fayetteville. Nutt then loses Malzahn, may have lost Mustain, aggravated a parent revolt with his retrograde offensive moves, and went on a local talk radio show to slam a columnist who he believed wrote inaccurate things about him…which were, of course, mostly true.

What happens next? If this follows the telenovela, we will have:

–Boss Hawg, impassioned with desperate love, impregnating the buxom maid.

–Don Frank, clinging to the rancho, making a desperate bid to get back the ranch by searching for Trotsky’s lost gold in the hills with the treacherous vagabond Jackie Sherrill.

–Gus Malzahn, trapped in Tulsa, woos Mustain with roses and mementoes of their formerly glorious love.

–Arkansas boosters mass at the gates of the rancho, torches in hand.

All this story needs is Bee Man.

The next offensive coordinator at Arkansas? The whole thing makes him queasy.