It’s almost unanimous: Pac-10 coaches support the rumored candidacy of USC coach Pete Carroll for the San Diego Chargers’ head coaching vacancy.

“There’s not a better candidate out there, and we’d be delighted to see him get the opportunity he so richly deserves,” said a buoyant Mike Bellotti, coach of conference rival Oregon. “He’s got the experience, the talent, and the perspective of someone who’s been in the league before but understands its limitations.”


Mike Bellotti: so happy about the potential of Carroll’s departure, he might grow his winning mustache back. Happy Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers.

Bellotti’s teams are 1-5 against Carroll’s teams, and have been outscored in those games by a margin of 146-80.

“He might want to hurry up, though,” said the Ducks coach. “They’re just signing them younger and younger in the NFL these days at the coaching level. Time waits for no man, not even Pete.”

Bellotti smiled, then paused. “But we’d miss him. Yeah, we’d miss him.”

Reaction regarding the expected rumors of Carroll to the Chargers extended across the Pacific Coast. Jeff Tedford, Cal coach, seconded Bellotti’s sentiments in a phone interview early Wednesday.”

“Really? San Diego? Wow, that would be…um, a huge loss for the league, sure. That’s what I’m saying here,” said Tedford, whose Cal Bears are a combined 1-5 against Carroll and have been outscored by a margin of 197 to 112 points. “He’d have the great setup of a weak AFC West and a stadium not built on a fucking fault line. Sounds great to me. Just peachy, actually.”

Other coaches with shorter track records against Carroll sounded similar endorsements of the move.

–Ty Willingham, University of Washington head coach: “He’ll likely get personnel control, which is good. He’ll also not be fired for his blackness, though believe me, Pete’s really in the Bill Clinton mode, a black dude in a white guy’s body. Excuse me, I’ve got a wicked lie to deal with here and can’t find my pitching wedge. Good day.”

–Mike Stoops, Arizona head coach: “He stole my recruits. I also think he stole the flat screens out of my Tahoe. Fuck that guy in the ear.”

–Dennis Erickson, who has never faced Carroll but is taking over the football program at Arizona State: “Carroll? He still coaching the Jets? Bully for him getting the San Antonio job. He’ll do a great job, I’m sure, especially if that David Robinson guy’s still around and they can get Avery Johnson at point guard. I’ll raise a glass to him at dinner. Or lunch. It all depends, really.”

–Karl Dorrell, UCLA coach, commenting from his office, tastefully attired in an eggshell sweater with grey pants and dining on a lunch of oatmeal and unsalted egg whites: “I’m unsure how to react here. I’m happy, but also sad. Call me in the middle on this one.” Dorrell also commented on the weather outside, which was 73 degrees, partly cloudy, and neither hot nor cold.


Dorrell: feeling equivocal about the whole thing, really.

One Pac-10 coach, Mike Riley, differed from his peers.

“I want Pete Carroll to know that the Beavers are ready to envelop his Trojans and take them to the breaking point each and every year,” said Riley via phone on Tuesday night. “We’ll ride them ’till they snap. Print every word of that, bucko.”

Current Stanford coach Tree had no comment as of Wednesday at noon.


Stanford football coach: no comment.