3-2-5-e 86'd !!!11!!!11!!!
by Orson on Feb 14, 2007 3:04 PM EST
57 comments
GIMME A FUCKIN' SIREN WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
It's America after all: Rule 3-2-5e has been scrapped by the NCAA rules committee.
The Berlin Wall, Iron Felix, rule 3-2-5-e...they all fall eventually, brother.
Quoth Rules Committee chair Michael Clark:
"The changes we made last year, overall, did not have a positive effect on college football at all levels...Our charge is to protect the game and do what is best for college football. Last year's game lost too many plays, but it accomplished the need to shorten the overall time it takes to play a game."
Modifications will be made, and some of them contain sense. Cut and pasted straight from the AJC:
• Limit the play clock to 15 seconds following a television timeout.
• Kickoffs moved from 35-yard line to 30-yard line.
• Reduced charged team timeouts by 30 seconds.
• Penalties for all kicking team fouls that occur during the kick can be enforced at the end of the run.
• Encourage coaches, officials, game management personnel, media partners to manage the game in a more efficient manner.
• Play clock is started when the ball is handed to the kicker by the umpire on all free kicks.
• Limit instant replay reviews to two minutes to decide to overturn or confirm the ruling on the field.
There's probably something wrong here, but we're too overjoyed at having more football in the coming year to examine them too closely. ("Hey, this Munich Agreement looks great. Tell Ms. Chamberlain we'll be home in time for tea, Jeeves!") Credit where credit is due: the Wiz of Odds and CFB Stats did more than anyone to keep track of just how much the new rules were hacking away at the game, and have to be given credit for raising awareness. Que! Que! to you and yours for your fine internets advocacy.
For now, sing with us over the gloriously dead corpse of this tyrant rule:
My country 'tis of thee
Today!
Sweet land of liberty
Today!
Of thee I sing
Today!
Of thee I sing
Today!
Far...we've been traveling farrrrrrrr...
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In the words of Howling Mad Murphy:
“As the history hitherto of class struggles and modern bourgeise society! Class antagonisms! Feudal something of opression! Serfdom! Bourgeise! Tottering feudal society! And victory for the proletariat! That’s you!”
by NoleinTexas on Feb 14, 2007 3:09 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
I’m already loving the pushed-back kickoff. Way too many touchbacks in D-1.
by Run Up The Score on Feb 14, 2007 3:16 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Also equals more catastrophic special teams hits woo.
by Orson Swindle on Feb 14, 2007 3:17 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
“Encourage coaches, officials, game management personnel, media partners to manage the game in a more efficient manner”
Demanding better clock management? We don’t need do that anymore. UW fans took that job over.
by canuck on Feb 14, 2007 3:29 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
So does this mean that Florida’s national title will get an asterisk in that it came in the year of 3-2-5e?
How do we know that given 12 more plays per game that they would still have been the national champions?
I vote asterisk!
by rebel84 on Feb 14, 2007 3:31 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
I’m wondering what the “encouragement” will entail.
by PeteJayhawk on Feb 14, 2007 3:35 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
rebel84…twelve more plays = UF 62 tOSU 14
by zzgator on Feb 14, 2007 3:36 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Lawya, that valentine should go to the coaches committee who realized their mistake and corrected it. Myles was too busy soaking in his Scrooge McDuck moneypool to pay attention.
by AUAlum on Feb 14, 2007 3:37 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Ding dong, the wicked witch, the wicked witch is dead!
Mmmmm. Munchkins.
by Rusty on Feb 14, 2007 3:47 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Wow, this is even better than when I won Time Magazine Man of the Year!
by Orangeblood on Feb 14, 2007 3:49 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Bielema. The Ronald Reagan-Margaret Thatcher-Pope John Paul II, all rolled into one, who killed the commie rule dead.
He ought to have a bronze statue of his own next to the one of Barry Alvarez.
by The Colossus on Feb 14, 2007 3:58 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Man, is it Easy Listening Wednesday or something? My friend just called with the positively bizarre question, “Who sings ‘Leader of the Band’?” then I get old Neil coming to America on EDSBS. If I hear Seals & Croft on the way home, I’m driving into an embankment.
by panhandler on Feb 14, 2007 4:03 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
That’s Dan “the Destroyer” Fogelberg.
by Orson Swindle on Feb 14, 2007 4:05 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
I’m surprised, I thought that this would warrant a call for a fuckin’ siren …. I guess that honor is reserved only for Fulmer Cup chicanery?
by Fulmer was "Piggy" in Lord of the Flies on Feb 14, 2007 4:10 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
I’m still worried. Their goal is to ‘shorten the time it takes to play a game’ and with the strangle-hold the television networks have on everything right now we know that time isn’t coming out of commercial time. Obviously we want less commercials, more football, but when was the last time the NCAA listened to us and not the networks?
by Dave on Feb 14, 2007 4:11 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Moving kickoffs back = less touchbacks = more chances for the Gators to screw up Brandon James’ long returns with holds and the like.
All in all, huzzah! Huzzah! Never thought they would revoke that asinine set of rules so completely.
by Don V on Feb 14, 2007 4:20 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
My wife made me go to see Dan Fogelberg at Chastain once. Sadly, there was no Rule 3-2-5e to shorten the concert.
by Mormon T. Suxorz on Feb 14, 2007 4:26 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Behold the power of Neil Diamond to cause spontaneous orgasms just by belting out “Today!” is a rough and scraggly voice! I think the lady in red (with 50 seconds left) went out for a cigarette after this song.
by BMas05 on Feb 14, 2007 4:28 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
And some of you may recall Opus’s concern when he learned that his wife-to-be Lola Granola had a tattoo of “Dan Fogelburp.”
by panhandler on Feb 14, 2007 4:31 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Lola was hot. She’s one of the few animated ladies we ever found sexy.
The other one is the Amazonian, ’90s She-Hulk, which explains our fondness for Serena Williams.
by Orson Swindle on Feb 14, 2007 4:34 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
In a game where overtime excludes kick return skills or kick coverage competency entirely, we now increase emphasize on the kick return and kick coverage in regulation. Hmm.
CBS will never be able to get back before play resumes.
I feel like we are staring into the toilet and cheering a turd.
ugh. hoo-ray.
by Boclive on Feb 14, 2007 4:36 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Holy Sweet Caroline!
Rule changes never seemed so good!
by BDoc on Feb 14, 2007 4:40 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
God bless Neil Diamond, the Jewish Elvis!
by doreblogger on Feb 14, 2007 4:41 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Got any footage of Neil doing his version of “Red Red Wine”? I love when he “outs” UB-40 about how he is earning royalties evry time they play it. Yay, America!
by AllWhoYonder on Feb 14, 2007 4:42 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Few people know that the NCAA Football Rules Committee is fueled creatively by its massive hatred of immigrants.
by Dinknflicka on Feb 14, 2007 5:01 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Orson,
This question has been bothering me for some time: do you have an actual, paycheck-dispensing job? If you do, my life is much, much more shameful that I ever imagined.
by George on Feb 14, 2007 5:12 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Yes. We try our best not to get in the way of the committed, dedicated people around us.
by Orson Swindle on Feb 14, 2007 5:13 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Orson, don’t be ashamed by your appreciation of Serena Williams’ finer qualities. She is the living, breathing definition of the cultural phenomenon known as the “badonkadonk”. I don’t care how many Russian teenagers she mercilessly crushes on the tennis court; the important thing is she’ll always have the most (and the best!!!) junk in her trunk.
As to the rule revocations and alterations, well, huzzahs and salutations. I’m sure Fox will still find a way to create an expanded role for the football playing robots though.
by jr on Feb 14, 2007 5:13 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Far from it—we’re actually defending She-Hulk here.
by Orson Swindle on Feb 14, 2007 5:15 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
I called my Daddy to tell him the good news, and was so overjoyed that I took the name of the Lord in vain several times. The trouble I found myself in was compunded by the fact that I followed up by trying to convince him there was a separate Baby Jesus for football. It was worth it.
by Holly on Feb 14, 2007 5:18 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
I LOVE Michael Caine!
“Goodnight you princes of SeaLab, you kings of the ocean. People are always asking me, ’Whats it all about, Alfred?”
by Captain Hank Murphy on Feb 14, 2007 5:31 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Rusty #11,
That’s the exact tune that popped into my head when I read this headline.
What a wonderful V-Day.
And, yes…mmmmm…Munchkins….with stockings…
by Cardiac Kids on Feb 14, 2007 5:46 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Neil Diamond is what makes this post great
by Aaron on Feb 14, 2007 5:54 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
I could have spent the last 10 minutes writing up some deliverable nonsense, but instead I took inspiration from another classic by Mr Diamond: Sweet Caroline…
Games went too long, moneymen wanted to say when
So we cut out some plays, about 15 strong
Oh, the fans they did shout, whoooaaa
And the shouts became a roar
Who could believe that we’d gone so wrong
Money, crossing hands, spilling out
But we need to placate you
Oh Sweet Myles Brand
Rules changes never felt so good
We were all inclined to think you never would…
by DC Trojan on Feb 14, 2007 6:08 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
I’m so excited I think I tore some stiches. If you can watch that and not immediately think of this:
http://www.pistolwimp.com/media/31749/
then you are a bigger man than me.
Just everyone cool out!!!
No, I will leave you IN.
by letsplaytummysticks on Feb 14, 2007 6:08 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Dennis Leary had a great bit about Dan Fogelberg. Talking about the silliness of parents suing Judas Priest(?) because their child committed suicide after listening to “Suicide Solution”, Leary asked ‘Oh, so does that mean I can sue Dan Fogelberg for turning me into a pussy during the 70’s?’
by SeaTrojan on Feb 14, 2007 6:51 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
DCTrojan, I really think you can do better. I mean honestly, right now I’m drunk on cider & vodka, and I know that shit you wrote is not worthy of a SC man such as yourself. Sack up!
by Rusty on Feb 14, 2007 7:20 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
You are so beautiful
You should be hid deep in the jungle
On some forgotten island
I heard about you
I got your pgp key
I write you letters every day
You are so beautiful
You should be guarded by monkeys
You are so beautiful
by NewAZTiger on Feb 14, 2007 7:46 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
DCTrojan, I really think you can do better. I mean honestly, right now I’m drunk on cider & vodka, and I know that shit you wrote is not worthy of a SC man such as yourself. Sack up!
You’re quite right – my first mistake was starting with a crap song. Garbage in, garbage out, as they say.
The obvious starting point should have been “The Man don’t give a fuck” by the Super Furry Animals. Too late now though.
Cider and vodka: Why?
by DC Trojan on Feb 14, 2007 9:28 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Also: NewAZTiger: nice use of “pgp key” — a lesser man would have used “number” or “address” or something dull.
by DC Trojan on Feb 14, 2007 9:31 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
DC Trojan, I’d love to claim that, but I’m trolling for Mr. Wrong on Valentine’s Day.
Cracker.
by NewAZTiger on Feb 14, 2007 9:41 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Dude…that Neil Diamond vid gave me CHILLS!! lol
by Mich-Placed_Gator on Feb 14, 2007 11:33 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
DC, why vodka and cider?
Well, first I didn’t drink them together. That would be vile, almost as vile as the apple juice & rum that my friend and I drank one night (horrible idea. Don’t ever do it). Those two alcoholic drinks just happened to be what I had available.
by Rusty on Feb 15, 2007 5:57 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
Milk and bourbon tops the list of bad things to put together…but for some reason egg nog and bourbon is good. Weird.
by Cardiac Kids on Feb 15, 2007 8:32 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
Tequila + [lime Crystal Lite] != healthy Low Carb margarita.
Worst hangover in history. And there’s a lot of history.
by panhandler on Feb 15, 2007 9:14 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
Cracker.
Should I be taking that personally, NewAZTiger?
Well, first I didn’t drink them together. That would be vile, almost as vile as the apple juice & rum that my friend and I drank one night (horrible idea. Don’t ever do it). Those two alcoholic drinks just happened to be what I had available.
That’s some small reassurance. No need for any guidance on apple juice and rum though; having tried the “drink pint of rum, wash down with beer” approach a couple of times (many years ago), the phrase “demon rum” has particular meaning for me.
Tequila + [lime Crystal Lite] != healthy Low Carb margarita.
Human creativity is boundless.
by DC Trojan on Feb 15, 2007 10:00 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
DC Trojan, no, but you should click here.
by NewAZTiger on Feb 15, 2007 10:25 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
Mr. Wrong, I figured you were busy. Mr. Right was out of town last night.
by NewAZTiger on Feb 15, 2007 10:27 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
DC Trojan, no
Oh of course.
Personally, I was driving my one-eyed Malibu without a muffler while searching for my angel in black, the Eurotrash girl.
by DC Trojan on Feb 15, 2007 3:09 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Wow…Iron Feliks Dzherzinsky. The hits just never stop comin’ here. Good stuff, man.
The question, though, is whether Orson FIRST heard of ol’ Feliks in an academic context, or – like me – in a Tom Clancy novel.
by El Caballo de Sangre on Feb 16, 2007 3:10 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
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