ALERT JACK BAUER: SYLVESTER CROOM TO VISIT WHITE HOUSE.

by Orson on Feb 12, 2007 4:37 PM EST

Bear Bryant, when he wasn't breaking the soul of young sideline reporters, coached football. And like Chuck Yeager was for pilots, anyone and everyone who ever played under him not named Joe Willie Namath attempted to adopt the Bear's manner of speaking point for point. And no one, we mean no one has accomplished this to the extent Mississippi State coach Sylvester Croom has.

It's difficult to overstate, really, just how deep his voice is but we'll try.

--Croom's voice makes Barry White sound like King Diamond.

--Croom doesn't fish; rather, he ducks his head under the surface of the lake and hums, happily skimming his stunned catch off the surface with a net.

--He repels boatloads of Somali pirates with a single bellow.

--He can control the migratory patterns of elephants by humming the bassline to "Mmm Mmm Mmm" by the Crash Test Dummies while sitting in his chair.

All completely true, which is why we're alarmed by his visit to the White House today, since a simple "Thank You, Mr. President" could be enough to shake the rafters loose and bring the heart of our democratically elected leadership down around his ears. We plead for Croom to whisper, and perhaps only rattle the buttons off our President's expensive French suit in the process.

Since we couldn't find footage of Croom talking, here is the Miss State band giving good advice if you should find yourself trapped one on one with a loquacious Croom: Don't Fear the Reaper. If ever there were a uni with a fever for cowbell, it would be Miss State. If the two guys manning the very special percussion in this song do not amuse you, you dine on baby kittens seasoned with despair.

Where's the cowbell?

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Babies, before we’re done here, y’all be wearing gold-plated diapers!

by GatorAM on Feb 12, 2007 4:53 PM EST reply actions

Coach Croom should beware, with powers like that he could find himself at the pointy end of a troop surge to detonate IEDs.

Extraordinary rendition: not just for suspicious foreigners any more!

by DC Trojan on Feb 12, 2007 4:55 PM EST reply actions

Croom audio. Warning, turn down any and all subwoofers!

http://www.packers.com/audio/2002/020728croom.ram

http://www.theopeningdrive.com/Media/15.mp3

by BDoc on Feb 12, 2007 5:00 PM EST reply actions

Considering Mississippi State fans have been staring death in the face via their football for 100+ years, that was one hell of a fine song selection.

Other songs MSU band plays:

Stuck in a moment you can’t get out of – U2

Seasons in the abyss – Slayer

Suicide Solution – Ozzy

Dust in the wind – Kansas

St James Infirmary – Bobby Blue Bland

Hurt – Nine Inch Nails

by Cool Hand Mike on Feb 12, 2007 5:07 PM EST reply actions

How about Suicide’s an Alternative, by Suicidal Tendencies?

by DC Trojan on Feb 12, 2007 5:11 PM EST reply actions

U2’s “Stuck In A Moment” is officially off the list because it became Leigh Tiffin’s theme song earlier last season (eg. Leigh Tiffin is stuck in a moment, or four).

by Newspaper Hack on Feb 12, 2007 5:23 PM EST reply actions

Am stuck here in Kansas City, wondering why people think Sylvester Croom is a good coach…

by Roaminggator on Feb 12, 2007 5:27 PM EST reply actions

All right. Scratch U2 and put in Suicidal Tendencies.

These are other great songs with cowbells. If that’s your thing, roll with it.

by Cool Hand Mike on Feb 12, 2007 5:32 PM EST reply actions

Maybe Croom and Bush can discuss what they’ll be doing with all the free time they will soon have.

by Travis Swenson on Feb 12, 2007 5:47 PM EST reply actions

should croom take down the PotUS, i’ll officially become a MSU fan.

by adam on Feb 12, 2007 6:02 PM EST reply actions

But do they play the version of Season’s in the Abyss with a flute, or without? Inquiring minds, and whatnot.

by SmoothJimmyApollo on Feb 12, 2007 6:37 PM EST reply actions

I got a fever. And the only perscription is more cowbell!

by Lawya1 on Feb 12, 2007 6:51 PM EST reply actions

Ten points for the King Diamond reference.

“Coooooooooooome into my Coven!
And become Lucifer’s Chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiild”

by Mätt on Feb 12, 2007 7:10 PM EST reply actions

There is something odd about espn these days
http://img71.imageshack.us/img71/5900/europeanmc8.jpg

by john on Feb 12, 2007 8:49 PM EST reply actions

Most viewing of MSU sports just makes us break out “I Wanna Be Sedated”, but if the NCAA ever comes back to Starkvegas, you can officially add The Beastie Boys’ “Looking Down the Barrel of a Gun” to the playlist.

by jakldawg on Feb 12, 2007 9:38 PM EST reply actions

W wears Oxxford and custom made US clothing. He wouldn’t be caught dead in some girly French suit.

by Sleestack90 on Feb 13, 2007 9:03 AM EST reply actions

Foley redacted Coach Peck yesterday.

http://www.gatorzone.com/story.php?id=11617&html=basketball/women/news/20070212033000.html&sport=baskw

by panhandler on Feb 13, 2007 9:11 AM EST reply actions

For some reasons Crimson Tide coaches think that boogers is the food of the champions -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3klmfriKFUk

by AUgrad on Feb 13, 2007 9:57 AM EST reply actions

A couple of the West Virginia players in the background seem more interested in the Gene Frenkle imitators exploring the studio space than the game itself. All they need now is Pat White “growling” like a panther on the sideline now.

by rjm on Feb 13, 2007 10:06 AM EST reply actions

And because you can never get enough Walken in your life: The Christopher Walken More Cowbell Soundboard – http://www.c-eye.net/flash/WalkenCowbellSB.html

by rjm on Feb 13, 2007 10:21 AM EST reply actions

Most creative band performance I can remember in awhile, but whoever was filming should have stayed with the cowbell guys once they panned over to first show them. No one in the stadium was watching the flute section while that was going on.

by Chg on Feb 13, 2007 8:40 PM EST reply actions