ANOTHER RECRUITING LOSS YOU MUST MOURN
We have to thank reader and unofficial EDSBS staff member DevilGrad for being a friend and traveling round the world and back again to find us this recruiting name you should mourn not having on your team. Honestly, we thought the manliest name ever was Leslie Nielsen’s moniker in Spy Hard: Dick Steel. Thankfully we were nine degrees of wrong.
Ladies and gentlemen: Bearthur Johnson.
Starting defense: place at the table!!!
We couldn’t find a clip of the greatest Bea Arthur-related line ever for your increasingly inaccurately titled “Friday Youtube,” but we did find Jeffrey Ross at his most death-defying, doing Emmitt Smith’s roast. (That would be the line about Sandra Bernhard at Jerry Stiller’s roast where, after a Bernhard musical number, Ross says “I wouldn’t fuck her with Bea Arthur’s dick.” With Arthur spitting up her drink twenty feet away.)
He’s a tiny Jewish comedian in an almost entirely black crowd speaking nastiness you wouldn’t say about…well, we wouldn’t say about Bobby Bowden, actually. His two minutes on Shaquille O’Neal is comedy precision of a tactical nuke variety.
Is Jason Williams here? Well, fuck him.
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1
DevilGrad says:
In the clip linked below, Rich Eisen retells the Bea Arthur joke to Tony Kornheiser on what, coincidentally, was the last day ESPN Radio let Tony leave the mics open for the internet feed during the commercial breaks.
http://www.thiswebsitestinks.com/downloads/eisen_arthur.mp3
February 9th, 2007 at 12:03 pm
2
AUAlum says:
And I thought our LB recruit, Eltoro Freeman had a great name…
February 9th, 2007 at 12:08 pm
3
DevilGrad says:
And, to get first dibs on the obvious joke, at Maryland, Your Recently Signed Recruit (TM, Swindle 2007) *would* fuck the Hispanic Student Association with Bearthur’s dick.
February 9th, 2007 at 12:09 pm
4
Signal to Noise says:
How could Ross crack a Nate Newton joke yet pass on the Playmaker?
I feel cheated.
February 9th, 2007 at 12:17 pm
5
glacialspeed says:
In other news, USC cheated in recruiting again, and one again it involves Reggie Bush (but as far as we know nobody got a free house this time). If that’s not a “lack of institutional control,” I don’t know what is. Pete Carroll is using Eddie Murphy’s patented “it wasn’t me” defense, which seems to work every time. Alabama, on the other hand, may get the death penalty over this.
February 9th, 2007 at 12:42 pm
6
Karl says:
No, the best use of the Bea Arthur joke was at the Pamela Anderson roast, when Ross said:
I wouldn’t fuck Bea Arthur’s dick with Andy Dick’s pussy.
February 9th, 2007 at 1:02 pm
7
DC Trojan says:
“Then Joe said, like, I totally spoke to Reggie Bush, no way, and then his coach said, like,oh no he di’n't, and then Pete said, no way, Joe totally didn’t, maybe he heard ol’ Reggie on my Razr speakerphone, and then Joe was like I guess maybe I didn’t speak to Reggie that totally wasn’t what I meant to say, and then Joe’s coach was like, hello, maybe if you guys didn’t ask too many questions, he’s not like a rocket scientist, okay?”
I guess if the NCAA can’t get us on things like a house and cash, they had to set the 11 year old girls loose on the phone sting instead.
It’s all going to come crashing down eventually, glacialspeed, and with a name like that you should be able to wait.
In the meantime, I hope Bama has the cash reserves for paying off Saban’s contract when they get the death penalty and he bails.
February 9th, 2007 at 1:19 pm
8
Rex Cramer says:
#5 – When did USC “cheat” in recruiting the first time?
This latest Yahoo story is about as solid as the original Bush story, and is just as likely to have zero impact on the Trojans. Everyone involved has made clarifying statements that no contact with Bush was made.
If the high school RB in Florida can make recorded statements about taking cash from little old ladies, then retract it and not lose his eligibility – then I don’t think the Trojans have much to worry about.
February 9th, 2007 at 1:24 pm
9
Adam says:
Actually, the best Bea Arthur line ever was at a later roast, where Jeffrey made the comment “I wouldn’t fuck Bea Arthur’s dick with Andy Dick’s pussy.” lol too much.
February 9th, 2007 at 1:29 pm
10
Cool Hand Mike says:
I believe a recruit can request a meeting with a former player but the coach can’t set it up on his own.
I want to say that Andre Smith asked to speak with Chris Samuels about what it was like to play left tackle at Alabama. People brought up the ethics of this and the school said it was ok.
Wait! I didn’t just get Bama on probation again, did I? Damn Damn Damn! Forget everything I just wrote.
February 9th, 2007 at 1:41 pm
11
Signal to Noise says:
Every school probably does the shit USC’s “internally investigating.” McKnight was just stupid enough to open his mouth. Nothing will come of said investigation.
February 9th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
12
Aerobab says:
“I’m just like ‘Dayyyum, it’s good to be Chris Rainey’!”
Be like Chris, Joe…just [REDACT] your comments.
February 9th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
13
poop mginley says:
In a bit of irony, since Bea Arthur and Leslie Nielsen were mentioned in the same paragraph it might be noted that their characters were engaged to each other on “Golden Girls.” I swear I’m not gay.
February 9th, 2007 at 2:43 pm
14
yz says:
hey orson, sure you saw this already, but still need to pass it on….
Before making a campus visit, it helps to know exactly what you’re looking for —- from the academic program you want to study to the … uh … co-eds.
“Notre Dame didn’t exactly have the best-looking chicks,” said Georgia Tech recruit Kyle Jackson of Union Grove. “Not that they were ugly, but they were not what I was looking for. There’s a big difference between Southern girls and all the others.”
February 9th, 2007 at 3:51 pm
15
yz says:
forgot my footnote….that was from today’s atlanta journal-constitution.
February 9th, 2007 at 3:53 pm
16
LD says:
I liked Ross’s line at the Rob Reiner roast about his wife:
I wouldn’t fuck Penny Marshall with Penny Marshall’s dick.
February 9th, 2007 at 4:10 pm
17
GatorAM says:
No offense to Tech, but wow — if Kyle Jackson thought the girls there were hot, he should have hit up ANY OTHER SOUTHERN SCHOOL for the *actual* hot ones.
February 9th, 2007 at 4:23 pm
18
Dave says:
Man, that’s wild. I actually considered naming my second kid Bea Arthur’s Johnson Points At Him. Small world.
February 9th, 2007 at 4:48 pm
19
sandman227 says:
Damn, Dave……I’m not supposed to laugh that hard at work, dude!
February 9th, 2007 at 5:23 pm
20
Mr. Wrong says:
GatorAM, sadly true about Tech- but it’s still smack dab in the middle of Atlanta- where he can find whatever he wants. I like the Depraved Art Student/Bartender type myself.
February 9th, 2007 at 5:45 pm
21
SeaTrojan says:
Regarding Reggie, what he (allegedly) did used to be kosher with the NCAA until ‘87 or ‘88. I’m not exactly sure why they changed the rule.
February 9th, 2007 at 7:35 pm
22
MCab says:
Jeff Ross, Bea Arthur, and Anna Nicole all in one:
http://www.devilducky.com/media/34687/
February 9th, 2007 at 11:08 pm
23
NewAZTiger says:
#20, you must love Cracker.
February 9th, 2007 at 11:37 pm
24
Mr. Wrong says:
“Now do you have a girlfriend?
And does she look as good as you?
Hey, would she like to meet my brother?
He’ll be out of jail in a month or twoooooo.”
February 10th, 2007 at 1:13 pm
25
NewAZTiger says:
So we were standing, like the last rock band on the planet
Of vapor trails and alpine skies
It’s all green fields, yellow flowers, and brown liquor
Oh brown liquor
February 11th, 2007 at 11:06 am
26
MCab says:
As far as I know, the world don’t spin.
They carry around you in your bed.
And they put out the stars at night.
Just to satisfy you.
February 11th, 2007 at 5:11 pm