SIGNING DAY UPDATE: HE HAD THE ANKLES...OF A GOD!!! OF A GOD, I TELL YOU!

by Orson on Feb 7, 2007 3:00 PM EST

The bulleted/bolded recruiting update to lift you through your post-lunch sugar crash (this Pixie stick diet is killing you, isn't it?):

HE HAD THE ANKLES...OF A GOD!!! Some men are ass men, other go straight for the boobs, and others swear by legs, presumably because they anticipate having children who will have to forage for their own food and therefore must be swift afoot. Recruiters? They're ankle men, according to the Seattle Times, especially for the really, really thin ones. This explains the prevalence of Nicole Richie posters in crack recruiters' offices, we guess.

He had the thin, lithe ankles...OF A GOD!!!

Joe McKnight, Trojan. Somehow turning down the opportunity to place a baseball cap on his head on national television--why does Joe McKnight hate America?--megarecruit Joe McKnight of Louisiana chooses USC over LSU and Ole Miss. LSU fans desolate, Ole Miss fans purchasing bottled water and taking to basements as all of Mississippi goes on an Orgeron Watch.

Make that an Orgeron Warning, Governor. The Orgeron loses one more top recruit, who foolishly compromised the entire well-being of the state by spurning Coach O to go to not only another team, but in-state rival Mississippi State. Robert Elliott, a four-star running back committed to Ole Miss since last year, de-committed, changed his name, and sent his family to lie low "in an undisclosed location" today. Hail State has the real, extremely very much important reason MSU won out for the in-stater:

"At first I was going to go to Florida State or Ole Miss," said Elliott. "It helped when Croom told me I could come in and wear No. 2. It was really where I could go and feel comfortable and rock my No. 2. I have been wearing it since peewee and that's the only number I can rock. If I put something else on,it won't look right on me. I figure you've got to look good to play good. I can't wear those double digit numbers."

Given this kind of reasoning, we won't blame Coach O for eating cinderblocks and chugging benzene to even greater excess around the corpsefire tonight.

Benzene: it's what's for dinner.

Hattiesburg's like South Beach, in that both places have oxygen and most utilities. Antwain Easterling, VHT Dade County running back out of Florida, spurns Miami et al. for...Southern Miss? Instant analysis: Jeff Bower must really be [NAME REDACTED]! And is being slagged by Notre Dame through the internets! Call our lawyer. There are briefs to be filed here, dammit.

The commit means either that Easterling desperately wants to be big fish at USM, or that he's already been extended a hefty line of credit at nearby casinos. However the feat was accomplished, catfish martinis to SMQ on his team's signing day coup. We recommend avoiding all roads leading to Oxford on the way to the bar, though--they should be clogged with refugees fleeing the Orgeron's wrath.

And book me for a quick 18 this afternoon. Spurrier the White, the guy who used to coach Florida in the '90s, has learned some things in his waking life as the shadow coach of South Carolina, one of them being how to be lauded for his recruiting in the media. His class is being touted as "DeE BEzT EVR" to some into South Carolina, something he's undoubtedly savoring at this instant while eyeballing a tricky wedge shot from around 20 yards out. Fore!

Mack sends you a gift of barbecue--no bun, of course. Carbs'll kill you. Low-carb Mack Brown, the skinny version of the coach who shed a fifth-grader between the national championship and the beginning of the 2006 season, brings a slimmed-down but choice selection of only the leanest, protein heavy recruits to Austin: 18 commits in all.

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Slender though he may be, Mack Daddy signed a full 24 this year. Six kids are already on campus in Austin. (Dieting, natch.)

by Peter Bean on Feb 7, 2007 3:07 PM EST reply actions

Update your site, Bean!!!

by Orson Swindle on Feb 7, 2007 3:32 PM EST reply actions

Orgeron updates are the best.

by Dave on Feb 7, 2007 3:41 PM EST reply actions

Fear the Mac! He’s leaner and much more laid back. W/ Colt McBADASS around, Texas wins Big 12, plays in one of the big 4 bowls

by Hook'em Tide on Feb 7, 2007 3:45 PM EST reply actions

I guarantee you this is the exact thought running through Orgeron’s head right now: “Goddammit, if only I’d thought to kill ”http://www.olemisssports.com/ViewArticle.dbml?SPSID=12787&SPID=737&DB_OEM_ID=2600&ATCLID=542723&Q_SEASON=2006" rel="nofollow">Mike Wallace and bury his body in a shallow grave somewhere, I could’ve offered that Elliot kid #2. Son of a bitch."

Actually, it’d probably sound more like this: "GADAMMUH FAHDONLYTHOTTA KILLMAHWALLANBERRYBODDAH INNASHALLAGRAYSUMWHEAH, COULDOFFATHA ELLYAKIDDA NUMMATOO! SUMMEAATCH!"

by Doug on Feb 7, 2007 4:06 PM EST reply actions

The Orgeron should have his own tag.

by Reggie's Advisor on Feb 7, 2007 4:34 PM EST reply actions

At least McKnight didn’t go to the Capstone, to align with He Who Must Not Be Named.

by Southern Papa on Feb 7, 2007 4:41 PM EST reply actions

Reggie’s Advisor, see the tag “my god the orgeron,” added after an oversight.

by Orson Swindle on Feb 7, 2007 4:43 PM EST reply actions

At least we now have an answer to Austin Powers’s question (“WHO . . . DOES . . . NUMBER TWO . . . WORK FOR?”): It’s Sylvester Croom.

by DevilGrad on Feb 7, 2007 4:53 PM EST reply actions

Coach O cares not for diets! He demands you share his Snickers!

by Orangeblood on Feb 7, 2007 4:54 PM EST reply actions

Papa,

From a purely schadenfreude perspective, it would’ve certainly been fun to see that…the smell of burning corndogs wafting across the entire state of Louisiana

by sandman227 on Feb 7, 2007 5:04 PM EST reply actions

I love the smell of burning corndogs in the morning……

by Southern Papa on Feb 7, 2007 5:38 PM EST reply actions

The Southern Miss-Easterling feat was accomplished via fortuitous statutory rape arrest in the last couple weeks, I believe. Bigger fish backed off, though it appears Rutgers was still in line for him until today. We’ll take him, baby, H’burg is no stranger to cradle-robbin’ football players of much less than his caliber.

by smq on Feb 7, 2007 6:12 PM EST reply actions

See? Statutory rape, working for you.

by Orson Swindle on Feb 7, 2007 6:13 PM EST reply actions

First, John David Booty; then, half their national title; now, Joe McKnight. It’s just so easy to mess with those cute and cuddly Tiggers.

by SeaTrojan on Feb 7, 2007 6:19 PM EST reply actions

The kid went to Starkville to wear number two, eh? Well, I guess that means State won’t be retiring Fred Smoot’s number any time soon.

Not that they should have even considered doing so to begin with, mind you.

by Chris Lawrence on Feb 7, 2007 7:16 PM EST reply actions

Oh Snap!!!

A post with Kekule in it…
thank you edsbs….you have made getting my Ph.D. worth all the pain..

by A.G. on Feb 7, 2007 8:07 PM EST reply actions

SeaTrojan,

You can have JD & the rest of the Booty family. Last I checked we had a Waterford football from 2003, just like one you guys got in 2004.

The Joe McKnight shit hurts, though.

by Southern Papa on Feb 7, 2007 9:44 PM EST reply actions

Southern Papa,

Thanks, but I think I’ll pass on “the rest of the Booty family”. I’m sure offering up Josh was about as difficult a decision as donating your last pair of Toughskins to the Goodwill back in ’83.

We steal McKnight from you, Florida steals Wilson from us; it’s akin to billionaires pickpocketing other billionaires. There won’t be much sympathy from below. I much prefer these scenarios as I still remember the Paul Hackett years with great anguish. Back then, people only wanted to steal our Song Girls.

by SeaTrojan on Feb 8, 2007 1:56 AM EST reply actions

You can’t blame McKnight for not going to LSU. He just wants play for a winner. UF has learned this quickly during this recruiting season.

by RB on Feb 8, 2007 3:46 AM EST reply actions

SeaTrojan,

Are you kidding? Give up my Toughskins? They are the best to recycle, and let the grease drip off my corndogs after I pull them out of the deep fryer. Either that, or wrap ‘em in the toughskins fabric before I put ’em in the microwave. ( Seriously, I think I was about 15 before I realized there were foods you could cook that you didn’t have to pull them out of the skillet and put them on a paper towel to let the grease soak out.)

Ah, Song Girls. Golden Girls. Maybe Orson will start a mythical competition on who has the hottest female entertainment group. Mebbe we could all give the nominating speeches, and then have head to head competition.

by Southern Papa on Feb 8, 2007 11:35 AM EST reply actions