BLOGTOBERFEST! TREE-HUGGER EDITION

it’s the city who is really stopping the development. the treetards make nice headlines but have ZERO political punch.

“Ole Miss coaching legend Jon Vaught’s lucky penis guard. "

That’s about the funniest caption I’ve read in a while. Hall of Fame stuff guys.

Yeah, the bong-water granola-shavers make for good TV (and most of those trees weren’t even planted when the stadium was built). The real problem is that the Hayward Fault runs RIGHT UNDER THE STADIUM to the point that you can stand in section KK and look at a one-foot crack in the wall patched with a piece of sheet metal. As somebody said yesterday, half the stadium is standing still and half is headed for Alaska.

Although, yeah, the Yippie-wannabe clowns should think long and hard about what Cal football has been doing to trees for the last four five years. And about my wife, who owns tie-dye and peace symbol earrings and was wondering whether she ought not take my shotgun up the hill to clean house. (She’s a pacifist, but she’s also a 12- year season ticket holder. Bless.)

We need a Hall of Fame for fedora wearers.

The best part of this whole story is that the spokesperson for the tree group is named Zachary RunningWolf . One word.

I am from Austin.

And dogs hate me.

“According to the CSTV columnist . . . .”

Proof beyond doubt that the CFB off-season drives even the best of us into irrational behavior in search of our sports fix.

I’m an excellent driver. Wapner!

I retain mammoth amounts of useless knowledge therefore I rock at Jeopardy.

I cook killer Boston Butts.

I can hit a curveball. Fastball not so good.

I play bass and have mastered Jaco Pastorius’s “Donna Lee”.

so, a fight outside of an improv club?

do you think Colin Mochrie will be called to the stand?

I’m outraged! You clearly didn’t write ANY of the aforementioned articles…

I was going to leave a funny comment about another Sammy Stephens TV moment classic (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vX5m5rkPsY) but thennhe spareinnied creereebrbrum. Shit.

1. I’ve read “Critique of Pure Reason” and US Weekly in the same day.

2. I am capable of impressive self-restraint. For example, i have never pulled out a firearm and shot a any of the myriad LA assholes who drive Hummers in the left lane doing ten MPH under the speed limit while talking on their cellphones. I merely run them off the road.

3. I can do the Sunday NYT crossword puzzle in ink in less than ten minutes. (In truth, I only get about one-third of the words right. The other ones I just fill in “ABABABABABA” but real quick, so it looks like I’m some kinda friggin’ genius.)

4. I have high standards and would never debase myself for fame or fortune, unless I knew it would work.

5. I have great tits.

I have a winning record against Orson Swindle in NCAA 2007!

Don’t call your friend a silly goose. Call him an asshole like any other normal boy. Go ahead. Call your friend an asshole.

On the “we” in the above 5 things, do they refer to Orson, Stranko, TCOAN, and…Mrs. Montana collectively? Cause if so, that’s a pretty mighty foursome there.

I fully support the construction of an EDSBS compound in Costa Rica. That’s got to be a better use of taxpayer money than Mr. FICA.

1. Those are imported hippies – not Berkeley locals. And those aren’t redwoods he’s living in, they’re non-endangered live oaks that were planted by the University only 80 years ago.

2/ I hate this story so much on two grounds. It reinforces the stereotype, and two, it lumps legitimate environmentalists in with patcholi smelling publicity seekers.

3. I swear if Tedford leaves, I will, for the first time since 1983 and the third grade, beat some moron down.

1. I have a picture of me in a bumblebee costume ice-
skating with Peggy Fleming.

2. I have not run over a kitty in several weeks.

3. Most of the girls in my high school class are glad they did not date me. Likewise. One of them that I did date turned out to be a lesbian. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

4. My dream of playing the piano professionally died with the advent of X-box. Damned carpal tunnel.

5. I know someone who once blew up a crane. For the hell of it. Got to watch parts and pieces of truss and rigging and cab and motor rain down all around him. Sometimes life in the Army was fun. Mostly not, though.

I beat my nephew in nerf basketball nearly half the
time.

I played every game for every team on a season of tecmo Super Bowl to guarantee 0-0 ties and almost broke my Nintendo.

I am attempting to create a national holiday named Porkopolis—it generally falls on the same day as the Kentucky Derby and involves enough pork tenderloin to choke a thoroughbred.

I still remember every word to the old Converse Weapons rap song featuring Mark Aguirre, Bernard King, Magic, larry, Isaiah, and Kevin McHale.

Hey #12, I will see your Kant and US Weekly, and raise you a “Dialectic of Enlightenment” by Adorno and Horkheimer in the same day as reading EDSBS

Would you hire Subcommandante Wayne to help with the creative obscenities?

“Unbeatable” at NCAA 2007 you say? You’ve obviously never tangled with my rushing qb/bomb it to the slot receiver shenanigans. And are you guys playing the Xbox 360 version or the original, because the 360 ver….okay I’m sounding like a nerd now.

T: How can you just blanket the protestors as “imported hippies”? One of them, Shirley Dean, is an ex-mayor of Berkeley! Zachary Running Wolf (his name can be spelled with or without a space between running and wolf) is currently running for mayor. I’m not sure how much more local you can get than that. I’ve actually met Mr. Running Wolf and he’s a little loopy, sure, but a totally decent human being. I love how everyone labels this “bongwater granola shavers” when a bunch of the protestors were matronly grandmas.

Don’t get me wrong; having lived in Oakland for the last several years I detest faux Berkeleyites who drive around with Namaste bumper sticks pasted next to No War for Oil and the abundant Trustifarians. That said, there are a lot of great, unique things you find in Berkeley that you’ll never find anywhere else and the place gets a bad national rep. Cal is the worst thing about Berkeley though, for so many reason; People’s Park, its’ neverending campaign to abuse area homeless people into leaving so spoiled college students can shop without having the unseemly sight of people less fortunate, and so on. It’s their own fault they were dumb enough to build the stadium on a freaking fault line.

Is a fault line homefield advantage? Your opponents have to be petrified.

Jon,

I totally appreciate and respect your number 1. I have done the same.

Greatest Game Ever.

“I love how everyone labels this ‘bongwater granola shavers’ when a bunch of the protestors were matronly grandmas.”

Those aren’t mutually exclusive, you know. After all, the Sixties were forty fucking years ago. Maybe we can compromise on “matronly bongwater granola grandmas.”

And we’re not saying we know this from experience or anything, but those Grandmas? Totally generous with their weed.

I went to see the film “Too Many Grandmas”
Olympia Dukakis was funniy in it

“Cal is the worst thing about Berkeley though, for so many reason; People’s Park, its’ neverending campaign to abuse area homeless people into leaving so spoiled college students can shop without having the unseemly sight of people less fortunate, and so on. "

Without Cal, berkeley would be hayward or albany. To ignore what the university has done for the city is just idiotic. As for people’s park, it’s a complete shithole filled with drug dealers and drug addicts. The people abusing the homeless are themselves. You sir are a moron.

1. I’ve published 3 articles. And they’ve been cited. In my fourth article this summer—I plan to cite to every day should be saturday.

2. I once consumed at least 1 drink every hour for 65 hours, culminating with leading a prayer breakfast at the 65th hour. Beer count: at least 80. I did not die.

3. I’ve made CP’d a football player for U[sic]GA…and was able to flee before my life ended.

4. I’m a classical liberal.

5. I’m a white protestant southern male, but I still count towards group diversity (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

I am unbelievable upset that I’ve never thought of “Fortress of Snarkitude”. Well played, gentlemen.

-bly. Unbelievably. See what you drove me to?

Maybe you’re bad Chinese grammar upset. Like, “most unbelievable upset you make me! Taste five dragons vengeance!”

Is a fault line homefield advantage? Your opponents have to be petrified.

Maybe if you’re visiting from out of state…

You’re in more danger of having a chunk of that decaying “stadium” fall on your head on the 8 mile walk from the locker room to the field.

Seriously, if people whose home stadium is the Coliseum mock you for the shambles you play in, something’s wrong.

Speaking of, until fault lines achieve a rate of fire of 600 rounds / minute, I’m thinking USC players might be able to keep from wetting themselves at Memorial Stadium.

Orson, thanks for the link. Much appreciated.

BTW I visited Berkeley once. I wore my “Che’s dead, Get over it!” t-shirt trying to provoke some idolater into a fist fight (I’m one of those crazy Cubans that doesn’t think mass murder is cool or hip) and all I got was compliments. Go figure.

In a related note, I’m now cleaning rice milk off the keyboard after spitting it everywhere. Much shame and sticky upon house of laptop.

Orson what is your handle on NCAA 2007?

Sometimes I get on here and there’s a post that makes me laugh until my eyes hurt. This is one of those posts. Thank you.

“In a related note, I’m now cleaning rice milk off the keyboard after spitting it everywhere. Much shame and sticky upon house of laptop.”

Funny…I do that too, but not usually on college football sites, and I shamefully clear my browser history afterward.

1. I have been in drag. Took forever for my girlfriend to put the make-up b/c 1) Like Humpty Hump at Burger King, I kept making out with her in the bathroom and 2) I am a total wuss when it comes to eyeliner. And she’s still straight after kissing her doll’d up b/f.

2. I can make a dead-on-balls cricket noise. Perfect for boring seminars and bad jokes.

3. I foresaw the popularity of the NES, the Les Miles, the Barack Obama, and the Quentin Tarantino movies, as well as the downfall of Air America and Notre Dame. Ever those six things shall meet.

4. Bad-ass Karaoke Revolution player/singer/whatever. And I’m straight.

5. At high school winter formal, a lovely negress, admiring my dance moves, pushed my sympathy date away (my sympathy for her, mind you) and started dancing with me, commenting me on my rhythm.

Every white man has that one question in his head “would you with a black girl?” and my answer is not “no,” not “yes,” but “hell yes.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUcxut-g6xo

6. (extra credit, lawya screw ya rules) I took this picture:
http://markcab.multiply.com/photos/photo/11/1

If you haven’t watched the video that’s linked on Cool Hand Mike’s page, you’re missing out. It’s just like, it’s just like, a mini mall.

Amazing.

His eyes are scarry. They’re like Coach O’s eyes. They don’t blink. Reminds me of the maori when they do the haka. I could see him and Coach O feasting on some poor explorer or missionary.

Better Late Than Never Dept:

(Apologies in advance for being off-topic)

I think the Pope of Gainesville (Urban Meyer to you geniuses out there) deserves to knock off ‘The ’ol Ball Coach’ from the EDSBS banner, and replace with one of the following:

1) Standard shot of the Pope and Leak (variation, add Tebow and Miss Pretty-Big-Boobs in background),

2) The Pope giving Weis a noogie headlock (variation, giving Weis an atomic wedgie)

3) The Pope and ‘The ’ol Ball Coach’ smugly smirking at you and me.

Onepeat at it again, this time setting their sites on Nick Saban and their fun with real audio.

http://www.onepeat.com/dirtysaban.mp3

WTF?
http://www.wftv.com/news/10881608/detail.html

1. I bought the Tron soundtrack in 1983. And I love it.
2. The rest of you may pwn me in NCAA ’07, but I will bowl you over in Wii Bowling.
3. I love my dogs more than I will ever love any woman. (Shaddup. You know what I mean.)
4. I would rather drink ice-cold Beast Lite than most imports.
5. I have a kick-ass flower garden every summer.

1. Sure, I go to work late-but I make up for it by leaving early.

2. I gamely flirt with women I have no intention of seducing in order to boost their self esteem.

3. My golf game and guitar skills are adequate for my needs.

4. I am conversant in the Geman language. Of course by “conversant”, I mean I can order a Schnitzel and a Beer anywhere in that country.

5. I am tolerant of those with opinions that differ from mine in many subjects. These subjects do not include College Football.

You are conversant in any language if you can tell a joke or flirt.
Mad respect to Panhandler for the taste in soundtrack. Especially one composed by a tranny.

Don’t change the banner Orson. I think that’s classic OBC, the begrudging congratulatory gesture. Danny’s got his head down, like “I know I missed my primary receiver who was wide open too.” Love it. Spurrier is always a Gator.

#12….props, your #5 “thing thats good” is the best of all entries.

so, that said about me..

1. titty conosoure’…

1. NCAA 07’ skills, superior to all opponents i’ve ever faced… (on old school XBox, still my jam)

1. uhhh, i like the simpsons

1. i know tons of shit about many things due to the more than 40 jobs i’ve held during my 9 short years in the workforce.

1. i can smoke most of ya’ll under the table. (and i’ve had 40+ jobs… go figure)

Note to self: be cautious of hiring any individual known as “tempebamafan”.

And most people probably thought you were joking about Crystal Gayle:

http://www.the9513.com/crystal-gayles-stolen-bus-recovered-and-results-for-the-gruene-with-envy-awards

1. I hate all things tOSU more than any other person.

2. I stuck with the Cincinnati Bengals and now every Sunday in the fall is like Christmas morning.

3. I can dance the enite “Thriller” video and did so many times in college.

4. I run the option in NCAA 2007 with any team I play with, just because I can. Have done so since 1995 when the option was added to the game.

5. I quit smoking. Thank you Nicorette gum.

Added to list above.

6. I never took Grammer in school.

7. I despize spel chec.

They tree-sitters have been up there since Dec 2? I assume they lost Lindsey Bluth long ago.