RECRUITING CHART #2: FLORIDA STATE, ILLINOIS, PENN STATE
In our ongoing efforts to protect and educate the poor, exploited youth who will be fending off messenger pigeons, text messages, and “chance meetings” with NFL alumni during the recruiting season, we present our second handy chart outlining what to expect on their final recruiting visits.
We recommend that you print the page, cut out the chart, and laminate it. This protects the fragile paper from flying spit during a coach’s impassioned speech, or from the soapy runoff from an especially involved hand job from a “campus guide” in a dorm shower. Remember: this guide might save your life, blue-chipper. Guard it well.
(Firefox viewers, if missing the tiniest fringe of the chart due to our digital ineptitude really bothers you, right click “View Image” to see the whole thing. IE people, um…download Firefox.)
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30
Cool Hand Mike your story is full of crock.
1. Cottrell didn’t recruit either of these guys and DuBose wasn’t the head coach at the time they were being recruited by Bama.
2. Sigler was driving a Toyota Corolla and Samuels was driving an old Nissan Pathfinder. I wouldn’t put the world luxury in the same sentence with either of their vehicles.
Comment by BamaGrad99 — February 5, 2007 @ 10:52 am
29
Georgia Tech Cheat Sheet
Welcome Activity:
You have 5 minutes to complete the following. If you cannot finish, directions to Athens are in the back of the room.
The twice differential function f is defined for all real numbers and satisfies the following conditions: f(0) = 2, f’(0) = -4, f”(0) = 3
Given g(x) = e^ax + f(x) for all real numbers where a is constant find g’(0) and g”(0) in terms of a. Show your work.
Food: Genetically modified nuclear steamed vegetables, laser seared cloned Alaskan Salmon, Tang, homemade Sweet potato pie. After party: college bell filled with a barrel of rum, sugar 3000 lbs, and whiskey clear.
Strippers: Uhhh…The Cheetah is a block off campus. PS - don’t tell Chan.
The Chill Moment: Basking in the glow of Calvin Johnson’s empty, soiled uniform.
The Pitch: Reggie Ball has no more eligibility and we still almost beat Georgia the past 3 years. Plus, no one’s really gonna to be free until nerd persecution ends.
Blowjobs: Too dangerous for girls with braces to give head.
Swag: HP calculator, Autographed OutKast CD, “You Can’t Play Football Without Gravitational Physics” bumper sticker
Comment by George P. Budell — January 25, 2007 @ 3:37 pm
28
Georgia Tech Cheet Sheet
Welcome Activity:
You have 5 minutes to complete the following. If you cannot finish, directions to Athens are in the back of the room.
The twice differential function f is defined for all real numbers and satisfies the following conditions: f(0) = 2, f’(0) = -4, f”(0) = 3
Given g(x) = e^ax + f(x) for all real numbers where a is constant find g’(0) and g”(0) in terms of a. Show your work.
Food: Genetically modified nuclear steamed vegetables, laser seared cloned Alaskan Salmon, Tang, homemade Sweet potato pie. After party: college bell filled with a barrel of rum, sugar 3000 lbs, and whiskey clear.
Strippers: Uhhh…The Cheetah is a block off campus. PS - don’t tell Chan.
The Chill Moment: Basking in the glow of Calvin Johnson’s empty, soiled uniform.
The Pitch: Reggie Ball has no more eligibility and we still almost beat Georgia the past 3 years. Plus, no one’s really gonna to be free until nerd persecution ends.
Blowjobs: Too dangerous for girls with braces to give head.
Swag: HP calculator, Autographed OutKast CD, “You Can’t Play Football Without Gravitational Physics” bumper sticker
Comment by George P. Budell — January 25, 2007 @ 3:18 pm
27
It was that there is a Starbuck at Penn State. I thought that the hick town where Penn State is located is limited to McDonalds and Burger King as their ‘fancy’ national chain eating and drinking establishments.
Actually, Starbucks is pretty new - but State College isn’t exactly a hick town. It’s more like a small European town that got thrown into hicksville, and periodically looks around at the surroundings and says “aaaahhh! what the hell are those things!” at surrounding towns.
Way too many independent restaurants (some of the $70/person variety, just a block down from the Taco Bell) and stores to be a hick town.
And trust me, Starbucks is a national chain. I have seen them in armpit-of-hell backwater towns.
Comment by Pat — January 25, 2007 @ 11:47 am
26
Not the standard Bama threadjack. Mike also mentioned Pitt’s Sherrill (played for Bear Bryant):
“Maybe it was the three visits each week Assistant Coach Jackie Sherrill made for six straight months. Maybe, even, it was the homemade rhubarb pie Sherrill’s mother hand-delivered to make sure the player [Dorsett] didn’t go hungry during recruiting visits”.
http://www.umc.pitt.edu/pittmag/fall2006/feature2.html
Comment by canuck — January 24, 2007 @ 7:02 pm
25
I have to say I can’t wait for the Michigan roundup. … And the Ohio State one, too, I guess.
Comment by Flop — January 24, 2007 @ 4:27 pm
24
Is it a lake of cash or Scrooge McDuck’s vault?
Comment by Nick — January 24, 2007 @ 3:58 pm
23
Would someone PLEASE tell me how this became an Alabama recruiting thread? And not a good one. No, it had to be about Cockroll and IV Williams… couldn’t get a good story about a guy who knows a guy who’s brother’s girlfriend’s sister has been asked to “escort” Joe McKnight around Tuscaloosa on the 26th.
Comment by RedTide — January 24, 2007 @ 3:45 pm
22
Someone forgot specify that it’s BAREFOOT waterskiing in a lake full of cash.
Comment by FishFan-GatorMan — January 24, 2007 @ 3:12 pm
21
They were all absolute clowns.
Comment by Rainmaker — January 24, 2007 @ 2:55 pm