RECRUITING CHEAT SHEET #1

by Orson on Jan 22, 2007 2:34 PM EST

The dirty business of lobbying 18 year olds has begun, and like most people dealing with 18 year olds, we expect only the worst and most efffective tactics to be employed: fear, cash, and sex, most notably.

You'll need a steady hand to pass through the recruiting season, and the right tools to guide you through the dank jungle of rubber chicken dinners, strip clubs, illicit late-night drinking sessions, and surreptitious "rental car" usage you'll find are all common downfalls of the recruiting season.

Our first cheat sheet follows, letting you know what to expect at each school. Enjoy.

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THIS IS “GOLD”!!! If this is today’s recruting sheet what would SMU’s be in the late “70’s” early “80’s”.

by brain on Jan 22, 2007 2:43 PM EST reply actions

THIS IS “GOLD”!!! If this is today’s recruting sheet what would SMU’s be in the late “70’s” early “80’s”?

by brain on Jan 22, 2007 2:43 PM EST reply actions

What about Arkansas’s pitch? “Come here, and play with two Dicks but only one Nutt.”

by Tom on Jan 22, 2007 2:51 PM EST reply actions

Oh there just needs to be more of this…

Alabama? Oklahoma? Tennessee? Ohio State? Boise State (I mean REALLY; how do they get football players to go there)?

This would be both informative and amusing.

by beast in 'bama on Jan 22, 2007 2:55 PM EST reply actions

The next edition needs to include Mike Leach’s pirate pitch and sordid details of a typical bullet-riddled recruiting excursion to New Mexico.

by Doug on Jan 22, 2007 2:58 PM EST reply actions

Signhyah ohdatbasliss’gonna tunnyamomma tastone!

by irishoutsider on Jan 22, 2007 2:59 PM EST reply actions

Although animal meat is a staple among Ole Miss players and recruits alike, I’m quite certain it hasn’t yet replaced Soylent Green as Coach O’s delicacy of choice.

by Philly Gator on Jan 22, 2007 3:04 PM EST reply actions

Sorority Sirens? Basilisks? Dragons?
Is Ole Miss a school, or a Ray Harryhausen movie?

by Dinknflicka on Jan 22, 2007 3:10 PM EST reply actions

Orgeron! He’ll save every one of us!

by Pappy on Jan 22, 2007 3:21 PM EST reply actions

No, Ole Miss isn’t a Ray Harryhausen movie, but the Orgeron’s house is.

by Tom on Jan 22, 2007 3:28 PM EST reply actions

I’d like to release another prepared statement from Mr. Orgeron:

“NERDS!”

by irishoutsider on Jan 22, 2007 3:40 PM EST reply actions

The Loser With Socks Boys put up a scathing review of the Recruiting Junkies that coincides with your timely post. Click it
http://loserwithsocks.wordpress.com/2007/01/22/penis-floss-recruiting-and-beefcake/

by Herban Meyer on Jan 22, 2007 3:43 PM EST reply actions

I see I’m not the only one who thought of the test of character with the wood beast.

by crazy tom on Jan 22, 2007 4:50 PM EST reply actions

Jesus — is it weird that I actually know where Hawthorne is? Or is it worse to know that the bison and the kid would end up as dinner for the local yokels?

by Newspaper Hack on Jan 22, 2007 4:58 PM EST reply actions

How about an entry exposing [NAME REDACTED]’s inexplicable recruiting prowess at Illinois?

by Dave on Jan 22, 2007 5:20 PM EST reply actions

Memo to Mr. Stranko and Swindle:

Great Cheat Sheet, But, the last column (the listing the SWAG, gets blocked off from viewing after a millisecond.)

If you could get the computer genius to fix that, it would be great.

I think Florida’s Swag is Tebow’s latest arm candy.

by Stacy Keibler Loves Me on Jan 22, 2007 5:51 PM EST reply actions

The Bison would probably end up at the Burger Barn in Hawthorne, which serves the best burgers and fries in Alachua County. Not sure if that little bar/liquor store still stands just south on 301, but the BBQ shack out front on Friday and Saturday nights produces the best ribs in Alachua County (but you better order them to go!).

by Barefeetbob on Jan 22, 2007 6:55 PM EST reply actions

i can’t wait to view phat phil’s pitch that includes the boys from the highway dept. in your personal group picture with your very own orange jersey so you can see what you will look like when you get out of school and go to work.

by agseesyalookin on Jan 22, 2007 7:08 PM EST reply actions