The dirty business of lobbying 18 year olds has begun, and like most people dealing with 18 year olds, we expect only the worst and most efffective tactics to be employed: fear, cash, and sex, most notably.

You’ll need a steady hand to pass through the recruiting season, and the right tools to guide you through the dank jungle of rubber chicken dinners, strip clubs, illicit late-night drinking sessions, and surreptitious “rental car” usage you’ll find are all common downfalls of the recruiting season.

Our first cheat sheet follows, letting you know what to expect at each school. Enjoy.