BLOGTOBERFEST! CROWTONIFIED EDITION

by Orson on Jan 16, 2007 4:19 PM EST

Eeen ze sea, zair izz no cruelty, onlee ze continual struggle to surviiiiiive. And een la blogosphere, zair izz no cruelty, onleee zee continual aggregation of information. Ze name we give eet izz Blogtoberfest. Salut!

--Whiny-ass Glen Mason's replacement at Minnesota: Broncos TE coach Tim Brewster. Brewster comes from the Mack Brown school of recruiting, which means there's serious potential in the handshakes and mom-greasing department. (Mm. Mom greasing.)

Also likely is a contined dedication to the semi-cut-block system employed at Minnesota, whose offensive line schemes already look very similar to the Broncos with plenty of zone blocking, stretch plays, and daredevil lowblocks. D-lines of the Big Ten, continue to watch your precious knees.

Tim Brewster: does he look good at mom-greasing? Wait, don't answer that.

--Despite a sexy and promising hot tub beginning, Carroll to the Dolphins is dead, dead, dead for now. This leaves an NFL coaching spot open and, in proof that dumb people can find piles of money, too, a potential job opening for Chan Gailey to leave Georgia Tech for a pro job. Gailey's got a second interview scheduled for the job. Tech fans busy screaming something about a briar patch, and not wanting to be thrown in it.

Mark Bradley blames the complete lack of affection or desire by Tech to keep Gailey on Chan's inability to properly apply lips to the right asses at Tech while mentioning his loyalty to Reggie Ball as a secondary reason for the change. We'd like to think not beating Georgia ever would be as good a reason as any, or perhaps the overall air of malaise surrounding the program from day one, or his disastrous depth chart choice of Reggie Ball as a four-year starter. (Still the worst four-year starter at a major program we've ever seen.)

Drink this for four years and see how you like it.

--Gary Crowton leaves Oregon to fill the vacant OC spot at LSU. Not the first name you'd associate with LSU, sure, but finding an offensive coordinator by the name of Snakebite Robicheaux is pretty difficult these days.

--We've decided to love Jim Donnan for a few very sound reasons. First, his hair's always askew and gradiosely fucked-up; as a lifelong sufferer of the same disorder, we have to appreciate his success in life. Second, ESPN staffers avow that his coolness in person is unsurpassed. Three, he hates, hates, hates Rule 3-2-5-e and is using the WWL's bully pulpit to say so. We tip our Molly Hatchet '83 mesh baseball cap to you, sir.

--Former Penn State player Lavon Chisley will be arrested in connection with the stabbing death of Langston Carraway. The body was stabbed 93 times in the attack.

--Early odds are on USC for next year according to the Wiz. Rick Neuheisel will give you eight to one if you get your bets into his pool before Friday--operators standing by!

--Finally, Andy Staples says four of the five underclassmen at Florida making decisions regarding the draft made especially sound ones, especially Andre Caldwell, whose draft status would have been immersed in the wave of quality wideouts coming out HOLY HELL IT'S CALVIN JOHNSON SOMEONE HOLD KIPER'S LEASH TIGHT, DAMMIT!!!!

A little too excited about Calvin Johnson.

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"Chisley, 23, of Waldorf, Md., was kicked off the Nittany Lions football team before the 2005 season for poor grades."

Apparently he was already a Fulmer Cup alumni before the academic police made a charge stick:

http://www.mrbig.com/tnt/archives/2006/08/07/169/

Definitely not a team player killing off an old teammate to pay off lawyers. A team player would have run a different route.

by canuck on Jan 16, 2007 4:46 PM EST reply actions

“Tim Brewster? Who? What, you worked with Mack Brown? Oh, ok….”

“Mr. Maturi, there’s a Tom Brewer for you on line 2.”

Weellllllllllllll….at least he’s not Glen Mason.

by Brew(ster) Crew on Jan 16, 2007 5:01 PM EST reply actions

Actually, we would love to have a guy named Ozymandias Melancon or Chicane Soileaux.

But we’ll settle for a Mormon named Crowton. Who looks badass. And will have the defenses of the SEC knashing their teeth, rending their clothes and annointing themselves with ash in a cool, Old Testament, run and pass circles around your team of blasphemers and sinners, way.

Multiple spread option sets and multiple wives. Baton Rouge just got a whole lot awesomer.

by Joshua on Jan 16, 2007 5:06 PM EST reply actions

worst four-year starter? i think not…steve smith, michigan, 1980 through 1983. i don’t remember his exact stats, but something around 350 for 700 lifetime, 45 tds, 35 ints, and 2000 yards rushing (option quarterback).

worst part of it was watching him throw four years of one-hoppers in the flat to the great, immortal, incredible anthony carter.

by far the worst four-year starter ever…

by archieblue on Jan 16, 2007 5:06 PM EST reply actions

Reggie Ball = “Still the worst four-year starter at a major program we’ve ever seen.” Guess it’s all perspective. I have 5-figure therapist debt from the Chris Rix era.

by Halleck T. on Jan 16, 2007 5:07 PM EST reply actions

A guy who’s name is one letter away from Chisel, stabs someone.

“Sometimes irony can be pretty ironic” – Lt. Frank Drebin

by Cool Hand Mike on Jan 16, 2007 5:08 PM EST reply actions

But at least Smith threw his one hoppers towards Carter. There was a game where Calvin would have had to run an interception route against a teammate to catch a ball.

by canuck on Jan 16, 2007 5:12 PM EST reply actions

Officially taking nominations for worst four-year starters ever. Roll with it, commenters. Outdo Reggie Ball.

by Orson Swindle on Jan 16, 2007 5:17 PM EST reply actions

At what point are you sure your victim is dead?

After the 15th stab? The 30th? The 40th? Better make it 93 just to be safe.

by CouchBurnin'Girl on Jan 16, 2007 5:18 PM EST reply actions

More importantly, how many stabs into the process do you get before you yell “RIVERSIDE MOTHERFUCKER!”? Or do you do that 93 times, too?

One thing that’s clear is that the “accident” defense is going to be tough here.

by DevilGrad on Jan 16, 2007 5:21 PM EST reply actions

Mustain’s leaving for Tulsa.

http://www.kfsm.com/Global/story.asp?S=5946767

by AUAlum on Jan 16, 2007 5:28 PM EST reply actions

Todd Graham is working hard to pass Nick Saban in the shitbagger contest, and I think he may have done it.

by DevilGrad on Jan 16, 2007 5:39 PM EST reply actions

Rix beat his rival….Ball did not.

by Stranko Montana on Jan 16, 2007 5:43 PM EST reply actions

The problem with even Donnan’s take on the clock rules is that none of the people bashing the rule put the blame where it really should be — on the TV folks who run 5 gazillion commercials every time there’s any kind of stoppage in play, but simultaneously want to shoehorn the games into a convenient and tidy time slot. THAT should be the focal point of every article written, but since everyone’s writing for one of the major media companies who are paying for the ads, nobody says anything. Ugh.

by Mark on Jan 16, 2007 6:38 PM EST reply actions

I believe Crowton’s parting words to Bellotti were “Fuck You! Fuck You! Fuck You! I’m outta here.”

by SeaTrojan on Jan 16, 2007 7:04 PM EST reply actions

“I believe Crowton’s parting words to Bellotti were "Fuck You! Fuck You! Fuck You! I’m outta here."

so was there no “fuck you, fuck you, you’re cool, fuck you! I’m outta here”?

by Brian on Jan 16, 2007 7:10 PM EST reply actions

He might’ve said “you’re cool” to Jonathan Stewart. I doubt he would’ve said it to Brady Leaf.

by SeaTrojan on Jan 16, 2007 7:27 PM EST reply actions

That’s it. I’m naming my firstborn Snakebite Robicheaux, regardless of gender.

by Holly on Jan 16, 2007 9:10 PM EST reply actions

What, no “stabbing = passion” tag? Of all the times to use it . . .

by Rusty on Jan 16, 2007 9:59 PM EST reply actions

Tim Brewster will be starring as The MILF Hunter in the next episode?

by Cool Hand Mike on Jan 16, 2007 10:06 PM EST reply actions

I think Tim Brewster may be the only guy Mack Brown ever fired. Although it was probably a constructive termination – something along the lines of “Tim, we’ll still pay you but we just don’t want you to come to the meetings anymore. We hired this McWhorter guy who is pretty good. Stay away from practice.”

by Squishy on Jan 17, 2007 12:12 AM EST reply actions