WHAT BETTER WAY TO SAY WE WANT YOU TO PLAY FOR US...
by Orson on Jan 12, 2007 11:39 AM EST
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Print...than getting your recruit's ass shot at a strip club? University of New Mexico recruit Ervin "Una" Smiley was shot four times outside a strip club during a recruiting visit to the University of New Mexico in Albuquerque. (HT: DevilGrad.) The culprit, a well-balanced local "character" named Erminio Gonzalez, sprayed 17 bullets at Smiley and the three Lobo players accompanying him following an altercation at "the Spearmint Rhino Gentleman's Club," a strip club whose name should be bronzed and placed in The Drawer of Completely Awesome Names and revered forever and ever.
Rhinos: minty?
Smiley is now waiting for the logjam of medical paperwork to unravel so he can recuperate, a process complicated by the his status as a recruit and a verbal promise by the New Mexico staff to "fix it." Smiley will need surgery to repair tissue damage and remove the somewhat pressing issue of the two bullets that remain lodged in his leg. More embarrassingly, Smiley was 20 at the time of the shooting (which took place in December) and was apparently intoxicated during the police interview, showing that booze 'n whores recruiting is alive and well, at least in Albuquerque. (Again: explaining why Bugs Bunny always made a stop, and the inevitable wrong turn, in the Isotope City.)
Not surprisingly, Smiley now leans toward Oregon State, whose coaches we assume have made him a "not getting shot promise" in his recruiting process. His mother, thankfully, bears no ill will toward the shooter:
"I am glad he was arrested and can't hurt anyone else," Janice Smiley said. "I don't know what is wrong with him that he would decide it was OK to shoot someone. I hope he finds God and understands he can't go around hurting people."
And what better place to learn valuble life lessons than prison, kids?
Prison can be very instructive. For instance: did you know you could be traded into ownership for a pack of cigarettes? Every day a lesson!
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I’m pretty such an Analrapist can thrive and survive in prison.
by parker91 on Jan 12, 2007 11:51 AM EST reply actions
You’ve never heard of Spearmint Rhino? I always thought you were a man of the world.
by CrimeNotes on Jan 12, 2007 12:05 PM EST reply actions
Hmmmm………hasn’t committed and so, I’m assuming no Fulmer Cup points. But, if he commits to Oregon State, do they get the points?
I think we need a ruling………..
by Maineman on Jan 12, 2007 12:07 PM EST reply actions
No—because he did not commit the crime, and was not charged with anything.
And yes, the Spearmint Rhino is a chain of strip clubs, with the original being in London, no?
by Orson Swindle on Jan 12, 2007 12:11 PM EST reply actions
Five years ago he’d be promised a starting job at Colorado to keep him quiet. Damn you Katie Hnida!
by AUAlum on Jan 12, 2007 12:13 PM EST reply actions
If ‘not getting shot’ is now a part of a recruiting pitch, look for Miami football to nosedive even harder.
by Will on Jan 12, 2007 12:17 PM EST reply actions
I think every team in the nation will offer this kid now. He dodged 13 bullets, which must mean he’s faster than goose shit down a tin hole.
by NewAZTiger on Jan 12, 2007 12:23 PM EST reply actions
If Shady/Aftermath doesn’t sign him first.
by Orson Swindle on Jan 12, 2007 12:25 PM EST reply actions
But Orson, if the recruit was drunk, then he could get hit with an underage-consumption charge, no?
My real concern, though, is whether New Mexico should come in for any Fulmer Cup points for this — surely taking a recruit to a titty joint and GETTING him drunk is against some kind of regulation.
by Doug on Jan 12, 2007 12:25 PM EST reply actions
Is this why all my targeted prospects suddenly commit to other schools in week 2 in NCAA 2007?
by Todd on Jan 12, 2007 12:28 PM EST reply actions
All debateable, save one point: this happened during the season.
by Orson Swindle on Jan 12, 2007 12:28 PM EST reply actions
As I compute it, the kid would score no more than one point for underaged drinking and boobie-gazin.’ I don’t think you can score FC points for being a crime victim.
And ix-nay on testing Orson’s knowledge of the Spearamint Rhino, folks. TCOAN posts.
by DevilGrad on Jan 12, 2007 12:30 PM EST reply actions
Four shots couldn’t stop me, I took it and smiled. Now I’m back to set the record straight, with my chinstrap, I’m still the tackle that you love to hate.
by RaginCajunRebel on Jan 12, 2007 12:32 PM EST reply actions
What makes you angry, White Power Bill?
The Jews, I guess.
by Jack on Jan 12, 2007 12:37 PM EST reply actions
I hope he finds God…
In a New Mexican prison, I’m sure there’s a Jesus or twelve. Those fellas just pronounce it a little differently yet I’m sure they will “bless” you.
by Cool Hand Mike on Jan 12, 2007 12:44 PM EST reply actions
I long ago came to terms with Orson’s naked lady fetish.
by The Conscience of a Nation on Jan 12, 2007 12:53 PM EST reply actions
For your edification: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spearmint_Rhino
by Brian on Jan 12, 2007 12:56 PM EST reply actions
Id like to point out that the location visited by the NM players was clearly just part of the regular campus tour, as the address of the club is listed as being on University Avenue.
by Brian on Jan 12, 2007 12:58 PM EST reply actions
What kind of prison are we talking about here? That lil rinky-dink jail cell downtown? Or the Federal-pound-me-in-the-ass prison?
by Aerobab on Jan 12, 2007 1:00 PM EST reply actions
When is EDSBS getting its own Wikipedia page? There are plenty of Tech bloggers around.
by AUAlum on Jan 12, 2007 1:16 PM EST reply actions
This calls out for a playoff more than Boise/OU & the BCSCG. These kids play for the insignia on their helmet, not the name on the back of their jersey. As it’s the schools that accrue the FC points and win the awards, any court would decide that New Mex should rack up here on any number of criminal violations. It makes R. Perrilloux & Billy Cannon’s long lost old plates look like pikers.
NewMex should be awarded additional points just for letting a Tang clan member get away.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbf1HzQgHTs
by Lilac-a-go-go on Jan 12, 2007 1:16 PM EST reply actions
I believe there should be an tweaking of the rules for the Fulmer Cup, in a BCS-esque sort of fashion. Incidents like being shot outside a strip club and other “God, I’m an idiot. Why was I there.” stupidities should be included. Not everybody who commits a crime gets arrested. And it was pointed out that this kid was at a strip club. I don’t know how things work at New Mexico, but when they took us to the Vu for Minnesota trips, we weren’t drinking Sprite (or Sierra Mist, or 7 Up, depending on who may be willing to sponser the site).
Either that, or we need another trophy.
by Help Wanted: Minnesota Football Head Coach on Jan 12, 2007 1:27 PM EST reply actions
So when does that recruit’s rap album come out?
He’s got street cred now.
by 4chickens-and-a-coke on Jan 12, 2007 3:08 PM EST reply actions
TCOAN,
Of all the great great articles the Onion has had over the years, that’s my favorite.
by J.J. on Jan 12, 2007 5:32 PM EST reply actions
lilac said pikers, thats nearly correct, except there is no mention of trading a living family member in exchange of jail time.
by brian fantana on Jan 12, 2007 11:38 PM EST reply actions
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