We’ve got a three day weekend coming up. This means, barring Ryan Perriloux being connected to phony Canadian coins loaded with tiny listening devices and a PLA arms smuggling ring, we’ll be absent from the blog on Monday, indulging in “interaction” with “actual people in the flesh.” We’ll let you know if it’s hazardous to your health.

A few notes that will no doubt develop into full stories over the holiday weekend.

Making Nick Saban look steadfast: Tim Graham. The Rice coach, who took scraps to scrappy with a 7-5 record this season and a bid in the New Orleans Bowl, leaves for rival Tulsa just three days after signing a contract extension. Let’s review the shitbag factors in total:

1. Leaving for conference rival–si!

2. Leaving after contract extension–ja, ja.

3. Leaving three days after contract extension, forcing us to break out the italics, dammit: hai!

Hmm…we’re feeling an equivalent shitbag score of…

Ricky Bobby’s dad in Talladega Nights.


Don’t worry. I’m a volunteer firefighter.

2. Ryan Perrilloux. The rumor now is that he’s a pigeon (Hey! Who else got the DVD set of Mannix for Christmas from their 60 year old uncle? Anyone?) in a counterfeiting scheme involving Perrilloux exchanging LSU memorabilia for a bag of fake bills. Further rumor has him cooperating fully with federal investigators, LSU handling this with a hazmat suit and mile-long tongs, and the Louisiana media sitting on the story until the uni gets its shot at the spin.

Word of a forfeit in the Sugar Bowl is also flying around, but then again, some people think the blood-type diet is based on actual science and that John Mayer is music to fuck to. (It’s actually music to fuck up people to, since the rage at hearing him rasp and wheeze through another milquetoasty song would make us want to put knuckles to eyesocket any day.) It’s the internet! There’s a trough of crazy in your flavor somewhere out there.

–Major Applewhite to Bama to coach the offense. Again, Saban don’t hire no dumb boys.

–Finally, we leave you with this: we promise that gloat week will end as of midnight tonight. But right now, it’s 6:20 p.m. EST, and it’s fair game. For a rapid-fire collection of a bareknuckle season, watch below. (WARNING: Contains scenes of Tim Tebow running, which may be unsuitable for small children.)

Enjoy your weekend.