In the department of ill-advised championship celebrations: a streaker crossing University Avenue forgot both his clothes and good sense during the championship festivities in Gainesville early Tuesday morning. The man ran into a car, hitting his head on the windshield and giving him “possibly life-threatening injuries.” (HT: Miguel.)

We hope he’s okay–even seriously injured fools are still seriously injured–but more than ever this reinforces the need for a manual for this kind of thing. Remember a few key elements of streaking: look both ways, stay away from the hot dog warmers if you’re coming down through the stands, and remember that dogs go after to points on the body: the throat, and the genitals. EDSBS officially recommends rolling over, covering your genitals, and turtling up to give the dog only the option of biting the more durable back of the neck should this happen.

However: if the unthinkable becomes the unendurable, give them your throat. They might lose interest due to the lack of screaming due to the crushed windpipe, and let you go. This will not happen with the other option.


Remember: if you streak, you may receive a visit from man’s best friend. This might beat walking head first into a car, though.