STREAKER VS. CAR. RESULT=CAR AS FLORIDA, OHIO STATE AS STREAKER.

by Orson on Jan 10, 2007 12:47 PM EST

In the department of ill-advised championship celebrations: a streaker crossing University Avenue forgot both his clothes and good sense during the championship festivities in Gainesville early Tuesday morning. The man ran into a car, hitting his head on the windshield and giving him "possibly life-threatening injuries." (HT: Miguel.)

We hope he's okay--even seriously injured fools are still seriously injured--but more than ever this reinforces the need for a manual for this kind of thing. Remember a few key elements of streaking: look both ways, stay away from the hot dog warmers if you're coming down through the stands, and remember that dogs go after to points on the body: the throat, and the genitals. EDSBS officially recommends rolling over, covering your genitals, and turtling up to give the dog only the option of biting the more durable back of the neck should this happen.

However: if the unthinkable becomes the unendurable, give them your throat. They might lose interest due to the lack of screaming due to the crushed windpipe, and let you go. This will not happen with the other option.

Remember: if you streak, you may receive a visit from man's best friend. This might beat walking head first into a car, though.

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I love the note in the article talking about the police greasing the light poles. I would have loved to be there with a video camera watching drunken frat boys making futile attempts to shimmy up the pole for 10 minutes before figuring out what was going on.

by Mark on Jan 10, 2007 1:08 PM EST reply actions

The best part is the kid is actually from “Longwood”. You can’t make this stuff up.

by chomp-n-stomp on Jan 10, 2007 1:09 PM EST reply actions

Introducing Florida as the Crack spider and tOSU as the THC Spider. Arkansas was the Caffiene Spider.

by NewAZTiger on Jan 10, 2007 2:03 PM EST reply actions

That would explain why this time around no one was on top of the stop light poles. I had figured everyone saw that dude fall last time.

Soon, the UPD will become seasoned veterans of national championship celebrations.

by JGator on Jan 10, 2007 2:26 PM EST reply actions

I just introduced myself to President Machen in the hallways of the Capitol and started to make some kind of ‘streaker’ joke. Glad I thought better of the idea… maybe I’m an adult after all.

by Panhandler on Jan 10, 2007 3:23 PM EST reply actions