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Around SBN: Four TCU Football Players Among 17 Arrested In Drug Ring

FLORIDA/OHIO STATE: POSTMORTEM ONE

This is going to be all over the place. Beginning in no particular order...

--Did Tressel watch a single minute of game film on Florida's offense? Florida withers under blitz; him big ape, me call blitzes. Instead OSU opens each series with three down lineman, including some sets with a linebacker at the nose tackle position. They begged for the short-passing, highly accurate Leak to undo the sutures of their defense and let it bleed.


Coach Heacock, this space-age device could change your life.

This might not have been a disastrous strategy had Leak not been tossing the ball down hallways. The dbs seemed horrified of giving up anything over seven yards, playing miles off the ball on the snap and allowing Florida receivers to catch the ball in space. If this phrase sounds familiar to you, it's because it's in your pablum detector for announcers, who use this verbiage to describe any short passing attack. Like, say, Florida's. Who'd been called that all year.

A failure of imagination, gameplanning, and execution for Ohio State doomed them on defense. When they held soft zone, it was over. Next time, watch some tape. Or call someone. Or hell, pick up a controller and give NCAA 2007 a whirl. You'd think a team familiar with shattering Michigan's soft zones would be the last to allow a team to do this, or create a gameplan begging for such treatment. Bear, meet trap.

--On defense Florida needed no coaching accomplices. (Negative superlative coming! Cliche warning issued.) Troy Smith played the worst game of his life and any other Heisman Winner in a big game, dipping below the Toretta line with the damning evidence listed in agate type for all to see:

4-14 completions 35 yards 0 TDs/ 1 INT

We imagined his agent creaming cellphone batteries, bluetooth light in his ear accentuating the panic, wearing out blackberries and reaching for holstered backups in an attempt to counter the ugly reality unfolding in front of him with carefully leaked leads to sympathetic sportswriters.

Cancer. Can we fake cancer? Sure, Lance Armstrong did it, right? That's plan A, man. Then we go to dead relative--does he have a dead one? A really recently dead one? Or injury. He's got to have a few. It's gotta be something severe, like fractured ass, or cerebral ebola. Hell, cerebral ebola might actually up his signing bonus--what linebacker's gonna want to touch someone with something called cerebral ebola? Phyllis! Get me the number of the CDC...


Earl Everett needs no helmet, and does not fear your cerebral ebola.

Smith should have more attempts on the books, and in reality did--five became sacks, and one became a fumble to set up Tim Tebow's gotcha TD pass at the goal line. Ohio State's tackles redefined late on Monday night, with Derrick Harvey and Jarvis Moss blowing tight curves around the edges to pressure Smith every time he had the ball.


Jarvis Moss: walking and talking on Facebook. He likes Heisemens.

If Marcus Thomas had laid off the GHB and stayed with the team, the numbers--horror of horrors--could have been worse.

Star-divide

Joe Cohen in the middle did a superb job as malign speed bump, clogging two blockers on the decisive "Gamblin' Vest" call on the 29.

The rest of the gameplan stayed simple: vary your coverages, let the Heisemens flitter around the backfield. They dared Smith to pull a Mike Vick and make something out of nothing. He didn't. Who knows what Ohio State's gameplan was--they met superior athletes bent on annihilation at every turn. We'd love to fall into an old diagnostic rut--no adjustments, no gameplan, hang the offensive coordinator blah blah--but Florida's defense played with the mania of a suicide cult last night. Ohio State could have had Mike Leach pulling the levers for them on the sidelines in Glendale. Tears were an inevitability.

--Speaking of that call: we'll own up and say that despite our cool veneer, we're shitty at gambling. Horrible. Like, Nick-Leeson-bad gambling horrible. We bet out of turn at blackjack tables. We make ill-conceived, suicidal bluffs in Texas Hold-'em. We'll spare you any details of a late-blooming love affair with roulette (like your uncle, we've got a system that can't be beat!!!) Give us five hundred dollars, and we will perform a magic trick by turning it into eleven watery gin and tonics floating in the belly mixed with our own tears.

Thus, we sympathize with Jim Tressel, another bad gambler. Going for it on your own 29 does not necessarily indicate the presence of a hopelessly inexpert wagerer. Doing it on a straight up announced run into the teeth of an all-negating defense does. Tressel could have faked a punt, or run a trick play, or done something to indicate that if you're going to go crazy, you might as well get Houston Nutt-crazy with it. Instead: stodgy, wholesome run up the middle. High in vitamins and fiber; low in payoff.

Sweatervest, we await you at the two dollar tables in Tunica. We'll be the ones weeping.

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Comments

Display:

I’ve had fractured ass before. It really does put a damper on your performance.

by DevilGrad on Jan 9, 2007 2:43 PM EST reply actions  

you said nothing about the possibility that Ohio State players had a particle of black hole in their shoes… thus inexorably drawing in the tacklers at an accelerating speed as they neared the ball carrier…. watch some of the replays… Fla players get closer to the ball carriers quicker than street walkers to a slow trolling Escalade

And I am almost 100% positive that Ohio State had some velcro-like substance coating their hands last nite… otherwise they SURELY would have been called holding on about 15-20 plays … including the first “spot ya one” touchdown by Ginn

by Futbawl Fan on Jan 9, 2007 2:47 PM EST reply actions  

You guys need a pithy catch phrase – we had:
“we sent Herschel Walkin”
“we got Vinny by the Testaverdes”

by PSUgirl on Jan 9, 2007 2:53 PM EST reply actions  

UF won the MNC, blah, blah, yeah, yeah, whatever. Now when does the Race for the Fulmer Cup begin!!!!!!!!!!!!

by Bar Fly on Jan 9, 2007 2:54 PM EST reply actions  

Paraphrasing here, but:

“From Smith to Myth?”

by Orson Swindle on Jan 9, 2007 2:54 PM EST reply actions  

I think you can make a case that Vinny Testaverde had the worst NC game performance by a Heisman winner.

by thechuck_2112 on Jan 9, 2007 3:06 PM EST reply actions  

I love the fact the tape is Gilbert Grape. It’s like a subtle comparison of coach staff at OSU to the DiCaprio’s character.

Just sayin’.

by That 5.0 Guy on Jan 9, 2007 3:13 PM EST reply actions  

coachING staff, not coach staff. Dammit.

by That 5.0 Guy on Jan 9, 2007 3:14 PM EST reply actions  

Sweet Grapes Dept:

I think Gilbert Grape was smarter than all of the THEosu’s coaching staff put together.

by Stacy Keibler Loves Me on Jan 9, 2007 3:17 PM EST reply actions  

Whoa, is that Betamax?

by irishoutsider on Jan 9, 2007 3:25 PM EST reply actions  

I had the same reaction – for most of the game it looked as if the OSU defenders had never seen any tape of the UF offense; as if they were reacting to a gameplan that had never before existed in football history, and was thus completely unpredictable in every way, instead of a pretty standard UF scheme (run just about perfectly.) You’d think the long layoff would give plenty of time for that kind of preparation… you’d also think that Tressel et al would make some adjustments as the game went on, instead of standing there like Lloyd Carr and watching the thumping unfold. (Forget Big-10 speed – do they make coaching adjustments in that league?)

by peachy on Jan 9, 2007 3:28 PM EST reply actions  

Gilbert Grape was Johnny Depp, DiCaprio played Arnie.

by John on Jan 9, 2007 3:29 PM EST reply actions  

What about:

“The Fall of Troy”

"Too Much Juice, Not Enough Ginn"

"Heisman + Nagurski = Bupkis"

Going back to the Gilbert Grape reference… very poignant when remembering "I almost peed my pants" hilarious tOSU halftime show. They literally sank on the field.

by Pac-10 Co-Champs? on Jan 9, 2007 3:32 PM EST reply actions  

If Troy Smith didn’t have fractured ass before, he’s got it now.

by Doug on Jan 9, 2007 3:36 PM EST reply actions  

I don’t think I’ve seen his name highlighted yet, but this game should get Charlie Strong a HC job, ASAP.
In every big game this year (AU, LSU, FSU, UGA, SECC, NCG) the defense had a great scheme for the particular opponent. You can’t blame the Auburn loss on him, but you can give him the credit for most of the wins, except maybe Arkansas.

While most people are talking about Urban’s shiny spread offense, they should be focused on Charlie’s smallpox-like defense.

by AUAlum on Jan 9, 2007 3:44 PM EST reply actions  

i see you didn’t mention the alabama game…degenerate

by matt on Jan 9, 2007 3:51 PM EST reply actions  

Agreed. It would have been great if they had called the blatant take down of Nelson from behind on the opening kickoff and only scored the one touchdown.

tOSU offensive line = pourous

Also, do you think Foley can buy Leak a personality before he goes on Leno tonight? The boy needs to unclench.

by shane matthews on Jan 9, 2007 3:53 PM EST reply actions  

So, I agree that the OSU defensive gameplan was completely inept (I saw more defensive formations in the first quarter from UF than from OSU the entire game). What I’m confused about is why no one’s mentioning how inept the offensive gameplan was, too.

After the first drive – hell, after the first play – it was fairly obvious that Smith was going to need some help to stay upright. And he got none. Pass pass pass, punt – where the passes were either “yipe!” throwaways (or interceptions) or “mommy!” scrambles to attempt to avoid a sack. That was basically the entire first quarter.

God, what an awfully coached game by OSU.

by Pat on Jan 9, 2007 3:58 PM EST reply actions  

The betamax guillotine strikes again!

“According to legend, Lynyrd Skynyrd’s lead singer, Ronnie Van Zant, was actually killed by blunt force trauma during the band’s infamous plane crash when, upon impact, the plane’s on-board VCR became dislodged, striking Van Zant in the back of the head and killing him instantly.”

(It’s worth noting that Van Zant grew up in Florida.)

by Never Saw Molly Hatchet on Jan 9, 2007 4:00 PM EST reply actions  

With the 65th pick of the NFL draft…

The Oakland Raiders select…
Troy Smith, Quarterback Ohio State.

by PantsB on Jan 9, 2007 4:02 PM EST reply actions  

What’s a VHS?

by Godfrey on Jan 9, 2007 4:13 PM EST reply actions  

This may be old news to you guys, but you can buy the twenty-minute shortcut of the entire game on iTunes for $1.99.

by Never Saw Molly Hatchet on Jan 9, 2007 4:13 PM EST reply actions  

if you never saw Molly Hatchet then did you sure see Lynyrd Skynyrd?

and what about .38 Special and the Johnnie Van Zant band?

by Chris on Jan 9, 2007 4:18 PM EST reply actions  

Troy Smith might not be drafted at all. Hello Charlie Ward.

by Odell 51 on Jan 9, 2007 4:31 PM EST reply actions  

I never saw Lynyrd Skynyrd but I sure saw Ozzy Osbourne with Randy Rhoads in 82
Right before that plane crash.

by rjm on Jan 9, 2007 4:35 PM EST reply actions  

Troy Smith will do just fine in the NFL…as long as he has an early 90s Dallas Cowboys O-line in front of him.

by Orangeblood on Jan 9, 2007 4:37 PM EST reply actions  

Excellent. Thanks to DBT, now nobody can think of Betamax without thinking of Lynyrd Skynyrd.

by Newspaper Hack on Jan 9, 2007 4:37 PM EST reply actions  

Troy Smith = Eric Crouch.

by Lawtool on Jan 9, 2007 4:39 PM EST reply actions  

“We came, we saw, we kicked its ASS!” – Bill Murray.

by Roaminggator on Jan 9, 2007 4:46 PM EST reply actions  

Watching the game I saw UF use some new formations, and run new plays out of old formations.

OSU looked like they were running the same plays that they had for a majority of the season. To me it seemed like there was no creativity involved.

I guess that sweatervest must have been a little too tight around the neck for the last 51 days.

The game did remind me of the UF vs UCLA championship basketball game. Too much speed leaving the other team looking confused and mediocre.

by BDoc on Jan 9, 2007 4:47 PM EST reply actions  

Maybe Sweatervest was thinking the same way as Lloyd: “We got better players, so as long as they execute, we’ll win.”

Who needs a gameplan or better playcalling? Strategery!

by Dave on Jan 9, 2007 4:58 PM EST reply actions  

Beautiful. Just beautiful. I love it when the good guys win. First Texas, now Florida. I almost feel sorry for all those mullet-sporting meth-head buckeye fans. Almost.

by bitterhorn on Jan 9, 2007 5:35 PM EST reply actions  

I know, but Gilbert Grape wasn’t the one who was slow, it was the other character the Gilbert was caring for, if I remember correctly. I was attempting (albeit poorly) to link OSU to Arnie (thank you for the name, I had fogotten it)

by That 5.0 Guy on Jan 9, 2007 5:52 PM EST reply actions  

Tressel’s proper nickname is “Cheatypants McSweatervest.” Get it right or pay the price, Donkeylips.

by Fat Guy in a little blog on Jan 9, 2007 7:06 PM EST reply actions  

Tressel isn’t the first to make a bone-headed call in the BCS NC game. Lets look back to last year’s game with Reggie Bush’s lateral to a walk-on receiver at the opponent’s 15 yard line that ultimately cost his team the game. Since we all know as well, that had OSU gotten the first the game would have turned around for the Bucks…………..

by RB on Jan 9, 2007 8:31 PM EST reply actions  

Basically, UF outcoached OSU.

One problem I have with the analysis is that USC is the only school that seems to understand how to negate speed.

First off, since UF’s DE’s were able to push upfield quickly, it would have been better to run in the 3 and 4 holes and wall off those speedy LBs.

Next, on passing plays, OSU needed to Screen to slow that speedy pass rush (especially up the 2 hole just past the flying LBs when they used that 46 blitz), and Move the pocket (much like USC did against Michigan, Texas and Oklahoma in those respective BCS Bowls).

OSU did have 6 yards per carry, but they spent too much time trying to figure out what UF was doing. When Powerful and Speedy Defenses attack, the first strategy is to attack the speediest part of the defense directly.

If you notice UF’s offensive attack, they used OSU’s speed against them by Attacking it directly with quick Wr screens and by moving the LBs out of the middle of the field (they would isolate both LBs in that 4-2 against speedy Wrs to keep them busy and out of the middle of the field).

UF’s strength was their front 4 and their speed. They used their DEs to collapse the pocket AND contain Smith. OSU never spread out UF the entire game. OSU threw 1 pass to Gonzales, their possession receiver. When a team with UF’s skill set attacks, an offense must create space with their own speed.

Power like OSU has only works once you wear out a UF type team by using their speed against them. OSU didn’t learn from the Michigan game. Michigan exposed OSU’s flaws (just like KSU exposed Oklahoma, Colorado exposed Nebraska in year’s past).

OSU couldn’t figure out how to cover the entire field. UF decided pressure was the better choice (press coverage and scheme blitzing). Ultimately, OSU paid the price of never having to face oppressive defensive play, while UF dealt with it throughout conference play.

Again, USC would have created the same problems for OSU, and the time they had to prepare for their BCS game (and their spotless record vs SEC powerhouses Auburn and Arkansas), would have given UF fits as well.

The team most people overlook in all of this is LSU. Had LSU faced Auburn or Florida at home, we might have seen a different OSU opponent. Then again, two tipped passes kept USC out of Glendale (can you say PLAYOFF????)

by mighty mike on Jan 10, 2007 1:35 AM EST reply actions  

Re: #3

I haven’t read through all the comments, so I apologize if I’m repetitive here, but here’s my suggestion:

“We exposed Troy’s Myth”

by Timugen on Jan 10, 2007 1:40 AM EST reply actions  

  1. - The WWL already beat you to the “Fall of Troy”. Always nice when Sporstainment! can be injected with a little bit of Illiad, although the tagline might have been more appropriate after UCLA knocked John David around. Still and all, I’d be pretty surprised if Troy Smith didn’t get drafted somewhere in the 4th rd. and beyond area. Are there really 250 other guys that NFL teams are more interested in? Granted if he’ s looking at riding the pine as a 3rd stringer he might bolt for the CFL.

What about Chris Leak though? I’m interested to see if somebody wants to take a chance on him.

by rolliefingersmustache on Jan 10, 2007 6:05 AM EST reply actions  

  1. I think the edminton eskimos might be in need of a qb.

by rjm on Jan 10, 2007 2:36 PM EST reply actions  

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