COTTON/CAPITAL ONE/OUTBACK AIIIIIIIGGGHHH LIVEBLOG
by Orson on Jan 1, 2007 1:39 PM EST
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PrintPart three of today's liveblogging. In the class picture, we're the kid burning out the remote with both thumbs.
We...can't...look away...
1:35: PIG SOOIEEE! Felix Jones takes the end-around for a zillion yards to go up 7-3 on Arkansas. Pity the poor Badger defender who had to take on blocker Marcus Monk, who must be like trying to tackle a charging giraffe.
1:42: Holly Rowe on ESPN is wearing her junior Khmer Rouge outfit: black commandante's cap, black jacket, and presumably an AK-47 stowed somewhere off-camera. Auburn has decided to play offense this half by going deep ball, deep ball, deep ball.
1:51: Arkansas' 5-2 defense gets adjustments from Wisconsin's offense; Stocco suddenly getting protection, allowing him to float a beautiful fade to finish off a 91-yard drive. Tennessee/Penn State a punt fest.
1:58: Cotton Bowl: Auburn goes up by a field goal, beginning the script for a head-cheese tasty victory for Auburn, made up of all spare parts and gristle. The Fox coverage is too ADD even for us: zooming in on individual players, changing angles, and muddying up the continuity of the game in the name of sizzle.
2:02: Some teams die by interception, others by blocked punt or braindead coaching decisions. Tennessee seems to die by fumble: Arian Foster fumbles after a huge Ainge pass play, Penn State runs it back, and exemplary camera work shows Foster suspended inches above the turf with the ball squirting out.
2:07: Holy hell, Gator Bowl's on, and Holtz might not be retarded: now that Georgia Tech has a quarterback playing quarterback, Calvin Johnson's playing against the JV squad here.
2:22: Can Calvin Johnson sue Chan Gailey for lost bonus money? Can Tech fire him for the blown potential Tech lost due to his insistance on starting a grumpy, myopic five-foot tall malcontent who couldn't wrap his hands around the ball properly for four years? Taylor Bennett--that's football code for no one--has Johnson at 142 yards and two tds already against West Virginia.
Perhaps our rage should be tempered by the fact that WVU's defense is rank like fermented jockstrap extract. As we type this, Bennett throws another touchdown. The little men bring the great ones down one mismanaged decision at a time.
2:36: Tennessee couldn't run. Penn State could. Barring anomolous disaster, Tennessee will lose to Penn State, putting the Big Ten in the win column and ensuring a rapid rise in the stock price of fried steak nuggets in the Tampa Bay commodity markets. The SEC is 1-3 in the last four Outback Bowls. As with all things Tampa, we blame Judas Priest, the official soundtrack of the 813, for all those problems.
Owen Schmitt is giving wood to all fullback-lovers out there in the Gator Bowl, bowling over defenders and closing in on a hundred yards.
2:50: If you combined Wisconsin and Arkansas, you might have a complete kickass offense. Arkansas' all run, Wisconsin's all pass. Big Ten forcing SEC to eat its cake today.
2:54: "It is not the national championship, but it sure feels like it." ESPN/ABC/Disney/Cthulu Inc. has one BCS bowl, dammit, and you will pay attention. The nonstop propaganda stream blazing out of the spigots at the WWL might be cresting right now. On the other hand, we saw a flyer for the Orange Bowl featuring Wake Forest and Louisville at a MARTA station. If we watch it, we might win a free hat!
3:00: Auburn, true to form, finishes the tasty sausagemaking of an Auburn victory by nullifying Nebraska for a 17-14 victory. Bill Callahan meets Tuberville at midfield, calls him "a fucking redneck," and walks away pouting.
3:43: Oh wow. We take a break and Georgia Tech Gaileys out and blows a huge lead to West Virginia, which should leave approximately zero persons passed out on the ground in shock. Did anyone mention that Pat White is from Alabama? And wasn't sniffed at by Bama?
3:58: Gary Danielson suggests calling Calvin Johnson "the Toilet," since "nothing hits the ground." He's evidently never lived in a bachelor's apartment, or visited the People's Republic of China. In many quarters of the world, the borders of a toilet are merely suggested starting points for personal artistic whimsy.
The Toilet.
4:06: Owen Schmitt is bringing manly back in the Gator Bowl, a massive, facemask-destroying fullback forced into a primary role with the injury to Steve Slaton. Between him and the Mountaineer whooping and hoisting his musket while wearing a still-dripping-blood deerskin outfit, West Virginia's testosterone quotient is unmeasurable with our metrics right now.
4:29: Arkansas does nothing but spin backwards on its possessions. Somehow, after all the fooferaw and hubbub surrounding the new Arkansas offense and the hiring of Gus Malzahn, one of Orson's rules remains inviolate and true: people never change ever. This Arkansas team looks like every other Arkansas team we've watched lose a bowl game.
Wisconsin--huzzah to you. New coach--pas de problem, monsieur. You had a better year than under Alvarez, especially satisfying given all the overrated crap you received from every hack pollster and blogger around (um, yeah, we didn't say that.) Well-played.
4:35: Paul Maguire just said this: "Ohio State's not gonna lose." Does this guarantee a Florida victory? This is a scientific question, not a humorous one. We really believe Paul has the power to antagonistically determine outcomes.
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All of this madness has required me to open up the Sportsline live scoreboard, and I was duly rewarded when I got a Capital One Bowl update that read:
“Dick to Johnson, 15 yds”
by notthequarterback on Jan 1, 2007 2:02 PM EST reply actions
Since this site does a fair bit of Georgia Tech coverage, Calvin Johnson’s stat line 16 minutes into the Gator Bowl, post-Ball era:
4 catches, 123 yards, 2 TDs
by Don V on Jan 1, 2007 2:12 PM EST reply actions
Reggie Ball should win the Gator Bowl MVP.
by Zook Line and Sinker on Jan 1, 2007 2:22 PM EST reply actions
Big Ten(leven) is kind of embarassing the SEC right now. And doesn’t West Virginia lose the Gator Bowl every year?
by Zook Line and Sinker on Jan 1, 2007 2:26 PM EST reply actions
Fuck you, Fat Phil.
And the Big Ten is on the board!
by notthequarterback on Jan 1, 2007 2:37 PM EST reply actions
I wonder if the guys in the booth can get a post-game interview with JoePa.
In fact, why didn’t they just have him sitting with them during the game giving his commentary?
by PW on Jan 1, 2007 2:39 PM EST reply actions
So, um, West Virginia and Virginia Tech both deserved to be in a BCS bowl more than ND, right? Tennessee too, probably.
by captaineclectic on Jan 1, 2007 2:43 PM EST reply actions
Easy there, Captain. ND’s ass-kicking is coming. Losing a non-BCS bowl game isn’t necessarily an indication that a team wasn’t BCS-worthy, but giving up 617 yards in last year’s Fiesta Bowl might be…
by PW on Jan 1, 2007 2:59 PM EST reply actions
The Arkansas Band is so much faster than the Wisconsin Band.
SEC Speed SEC Speed SEC Speed SEC Speed SEC Speed
by Jim Tressel on Jan 1, 2007 3:01 PM EST reply actions
Man oh man it is a fun thing to hate Paul Maguire.
by Hateful CliffX on Jan 1, 2007 3:03 PM EST reply actions
So… losing to a team ND beat is less indicative than last year’s bowl game?
by captaineclectic on Jan 1, 2007 3:03 PM EST reply actions
Wisconsin’s playing dirty by actually using a quarterback, dammit.
by Orson Swindle on Jan 1, 2007 3:03 PM EST reply actions
Did anyone see the halftime show for the Gator Bowl? WTF?
by Skip on Jan 1, 2007 3:12 PM EST reply actions
I am in a weird place right now. I’m so happy about the Gator Bowl, but then I think back to the UGA and WF games and I become one with my rage.
by JacketDan on Jan 1, 2007 3:20 PM EST reply actions
Prediction time 2007: West Virginia will dominate early in the season. Then, towards the end of the year, their two best players who get hit by 2-4 large men on literally every play they run all year will mysteriously break down as a result of nagging “sprains” and “pulls.”
When you look at it like that, the 2006 West Virginia late season struggles make a lot of sense. Well, that and a defense that prefers not to tackle and/or guard wide receivers.
But man that Calvin Johnson can catch some balls.
by cardsfan on Jan 1, 2007 3:23 PM EST reply actions
Forget Notre Dame. What the Hell is the case, if anything, that Virginia Tech or West Virginia deserved to be in the BCS?
by captaineclectic on Jan 1, 2007 3:32 PM EST reply actions
I don’t understand. How are these slow plodding Big 10 defensive backs staying draped all over these super fast SEC wide receivers.
I am terribly vexed.
by Jim Tressel on Jan 1, 2007 3:33 PM EST reply actions
I don’t think the argument is as much that WV or VT deserved to be in the BCS as it is that they deserved to be in there more than ND.
by PW on Jan 1, 2007 3:42 PM EST reply actions
And I barely got a chance to finish typing and they’ve taken the lead. Chan Gailey equilibrium is a force too mighty to be stopped.
by Mark on Jan 1, 2007 3:47 PM EST reply actions
Calvin Johnson builds shitters. CBS is fawning over shitter technology.
I need a drink.
by Jim Tressel on Jan 1, 2007 3:57 PM EST reply actions
I predict whoever has the ball last in this GT WVU game will win.
Only an Arkansas team could make Paul McGuire sound like a genius. Everytime they line up a true QB, Dick Stain as I like to say, McGuire is hollering to just put Humanity Advanced and Jones in the backfield. The other color guy keeps trying to make excuses, bad receiver routes, etc, but McGuire is like my dad when he gets all ornery about how Rex Grossman sucks, he will hear none of it.
by Zook Line and Sinker on Jan 1, 2007 3:59 PM EST reply actions
Yay… Gator Bowl is over and WVU actually won. I’m looking for flying pigs as I type this.
And not soon enough either… that was some of the the worst commentating I’ve ever been exposed to. If you’re going to pretend like you know what you’re talking about for 4 hours, perhaps you should do a bit of research on BOTH teams and not blatantly blow Georgia Tech 3 hours and 45 minutes. This is not ESPN and they are not Notre Dame.
by CouchBurnin'Girl on Jan 1, 2007 5:29 PM EST reply actions
#26; HD is not required to make such a statement.
by aerobab on Jan 1, 2007 6:00 PM EST reply actions
Mudder, that’s my future ex-wife you’re talking about there.
This just in, Webster’s is announcing they’re officially changing the definition of irony to “Having to bench your shitty starting quarterback, watching your backup give you a functional offense for the first time in years, and losing anyway because the defense that was previously the hallmark of your team gets shredded.”
Anybody else notice the weird coincidence of WVU beating a Georgia team in a bowl game by a 38-35 margin two years in a row?
by Doug on Jan 1, 2007 6:01 PM EST reply actions
CB Girl
#27
We did PLAY ND, does that count??
Though I must say, some GT alums thought that they only prepared for a WV blowout…
Who cares we’ve had decent QB play for the first time since 2003
I’m flipping ecstatic…
by A.G. on Jan 1, 2007 9:03 PM EST reply actions
Doug
I noticed it with 5 minutes to go in the game…
and then James Johnson blocked in the back…
for no good reason…
I love that CJT has no clue how to deal with traps and cutbacks.
If we do anything resembling tackling Schmitt we might have actually won.
However the first half was almost as good as finishing Calculus 3.
Second half was standard CG football, and a microcosm of our season…not enough quality depth…and scared to try to flip field position.
by A.G. on Jan 1, 2007 9:06 PM EST reply actions
Captain—I think it is wise to leave those comments before ND plays its game. It was probably not so wise to leave them before WV had finished theirs.
The case for WV—
(1) Beat a Top 12 Rutgers team without their starting QB
(2) Beat GT—for the record, ND’s best win—pretty much without one of the best running backs in CFB; you will have noticed, I assume, that Owen Schmitt played RB for them—not exactly their best weapon in the backfield (look, I think Walker is shit—but if he had missed the GT game, ND would never have won that game. And if you think Walker is in Slaton’s world, you are baked.)
(3) Played in arguably the best conference in the nation—worst case, the second best—that looks like it will very well go 5-0 in bowl games this season.
(4) Lost to Louisville by 10 in the biggest game in that school’s history—and the turning point in that game was when Slaton messed up his hand and fumbled, and the fumble was returned for a Lou TD
(5) Lost to USF primarily because QB White was gimped
The case for ND, as best I can tell—
(1) Beat GT
(2) Beat Penn State
(3) Scheduled two pretty good teams, who both proceeded beat the shit out of them
The ND wins over Purdue and UCLA are, at this point, relatively unimpressive. Beating mighty Navy—one week after their QB went out for the season to injury—was arguably ND’s 3rd best win.
The case against ND:
(1) The skin-of-their-teeth win over Michigan State is, at this point, a little embarrassing for a team that is supposedly BCS-quality.
(2) UNC looked liked they had a functional offense once this season—against ND. Oh, wait, I take that back, their O also looked decent against mighty Duke.
(3) Air Force, who went 4-8, outgained ND. Air Force, you’ll note, lost to UNLV, giving the Rebels their only 1-A win of the season.
I understand that you are an ND fan, but do you realize that the CFB world does not begin and end with ND? Even if you thought it did, I would assume that anyone who has watched ND’s games this season—and, who has some idea as to how good their opponents actually are—would realize how limited their resume actually is.
by Solon on Jan 1, 2007 10:01 PM EST reply actions
As a Buckeye fan it has me pretty worried that Maguire says stupid stuff about us not losing. Didn’t he watch OSU play Miami a few years ago?
Damn, why does he vex us?
What’s next? Corso gonna pick us to win as well?
We’re screwed!
Later, the librarian’s coming by and I’ll get kicked out of here ;)
by Cal Buckeye on Jan 1, 2007 11:19 PM EST reply actions
dear captain eclectic:
sorry dude, but ND sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks. I understand that you’re blinded by the intense arrogance that ND inspires (hey dude, I’m from Chicago and I’m a huge Bulls fan, so I know about inspired arrogance from the 90s), but let’s be honest here. Solon pretty much charted it out for you up top, but also…
No defense to speak of (with an especially horrid secondary), mediocre running game, got your asses handed to you by USC/Michigan, the rest of your schedule was about half a step up from high school, and LSU is approximately a million million million times better. I am not an LSU fan, but I would be amazed if ND does not get absolutely creamed tomorrow.
by rolliefingersmustache on Jan 2, 2007 6:47 AM EST reply actions
CBG: Correction: ESPN fellates USC, not ND. But still congrats on the win and the bball win v UConn. It’s good to see a team run the ball well.
by J.J. on Jan 2, 2007 8:38 PM EST reply actions
Hot-linking is bad for your karma. That’s my picture on my server using my bandwidth, so unless you want a goatse on your page move it to your own server.
by Rube on Jan 13, 2007 7:14 AM EST reply actions
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