JEVAN SNEAD ABDUCTED; LAST SEEN HEADING EAST IN SACK ON BACK OF GIANT.
Texas backup qb Jevan Snead was abducted last night from the parking lot of his apartment in Austin, Texas. Witness describe him being swooped up into the arms of a huge man and stuffed into a sack. The man was described as being “kind of like Solomon Grundy, but scarier,” with coal black hair, “fiery, demented eyes,” and a voice that shattered the glass in the windows of nearby cars.
Police only have this note as a clue, left behind by the superhuman abductor:
HOOOOOOWWEEEEEE!!! DAaaeeOrgeron heaheapahappy this ayem. Heeeagothisself abraaandnew kwatahbackah bahdanamuh JEVAN SNEAD. Datdehbowah kenstraightout trow dehbaw. KENRUNTOOHAHAHAWW!!!! WOOOOHHHHOOOOOWWEEEE!
Hetryandran fromdehOrgeron, hoowee! Breakahsweatt didwe, buttah chasehimmadown, stuffa datdehbloochippah indasack, andarunalldehwayeebackahtoOxford withahmah Jevan. Ahloveahdemownin’ workouts hawhawHAW!!!
Orgerongonnalaylowindembayous formonthatwoo tildepopo layoffalookin formahnewqb. Dendey thinkheedeadorsomething, thenchangeathename anddagettanew birfcertficutaforhim frommaMexico. Ah alreadaygottanewnamahforhim: TED SCORGERON!!! Yougettit? Huh? HAWHAWHAW!!!
The abductor looks something like this, according to a sketch artist. This may be his website, say investigators.
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1
rebel84 says:
Classic.
December 19th, 2006 at 11:00 am
2
Orangeblood says:
All the best to Jevan, the white QB with an ethnic name…or “Afro-American” in Air Force parlance.
December 19th, 2006 at 11:01 am
3
OhioDawg says:
I thought I saw a Santa joke coming…this is much better.
December 19th, 2006 at 11:02 am
4
irishoutsider says:
yo yoyoyo YO yo YO yo JEVSNEE!
December 19th, 2006 at 11:28 am
5
Aerobab says:
You beat me to it, irishoutsider!
(”Jevsnee” just doesn’t quite have the same ring as “BRENTSHAEFFAH”.)
December 19th, 2006 at 11:44 am
6
Godfrey says:
Keep in mind, the Orgeron is capable of picking up your scent via IP connection. It’s best if you stay upwind, and keep your soiled clothing in sealed bags. Trust me.
December 19th, 2006 at 12:05 pm
7
jfinke says:
So, I don’t get it. He lost the starting postion to Colt. Ok… But, now Colt is injured pretty seriously from what I understand. Why transfer now? Why not wait out the spring and see what happens?
And why Ole Miss of all places?
December 19th, 2006 at 12:10 pm
8
Boston Frog says:
Snead wants to start as soon as he’s eligible to play, and Ole Miss gives him the best opportunity to do that. The other schools he visited (TCU, Houston–where the former coach at his HS coach is now HC, even North Texas) have QB’s waiting in the wings who would have offered him SOME level of competition. He wanted the sure thing.
Plus, he went for the SEC over a non-BCS conference. That’s totally understandable. Unfortunate, but understandable.
He might regret leaving UT, though. I’ve heard totally unsubstantiated rumors out of Austin that McCoy’s shoulder injury is actually pretty bad and that he might never fully recover. Snead might have had a real shot at the starter’s job in 2007, but he chose to walk away as soon as he saw McCoy having some success.
December 19th, 2006 at 12:18 pm
9
LSUfan says:
Is it me or is Ole Miss becoming the College version of the Oakland Raiders? A home for big name retreads. Tons of blustering about dedication to championships and so forth, but never producing on the field.
It sounds like this kid is another weak-minded, impatient primadana. Maybe he should have transferred to Arkansas — though I’m sure the O is currently poaching those kids too.
December 19th, 2006 at 12:37 pm
10
xian says:
Is anyone ignoring that story about John Brantley de-committing to Texas to come to UF?
December 19th, 2006 at 12:45 pm
11
RaginCajunRebel says:
Typical LSU garbage, LSUfan. As far as “never producing on the field”, well, it took LSU overtime to squeak past us, in YOUR HOUSE this year, and we were starting I think 17 freshman that night. Your fear smells like corndogs, and it makes me sad.
As far as Snead being a “primadana,” I think you’re dead wrong. Anyone that’s ever met him has said that he’s a first class kid who’s just looking for the best fit for his future. And by “primadana” I’m assuming you meant prima donna, but you just couldn’t spell it right. Don’t worry, I speak your language, too.
I just don’t understand why LSU fans are so lacking in self esteem that they have to continually put down other schools. I mean, y’all are the best team in the world and have a great coach and can cherry pick any recruit in La. and have an AD who really cares about the program and not lining his pocket at the expense of the baseball dynasty he built…shouldn’t that be enough? I guess not.
Finally, as far as us getting “retreads”, I would assume that LSU hasn’t taken any transers over the last few years? Guess not. Happy Lemsday.
December 19th, 2006 at 12:57 pm
12
Mark says:
Yeah RJR, Chase Pittman doesn’t count.
December 19th, 2006 at 1:10 pm
13
AtomicDog says:
Ragin,
Lemme hear your rebel spin on Cannon Smith.
GTHOM
December 19th, 2006 at 1:15 pm
14
Gator KK says:
Simmah dan-nah you primmadanas.
Sorry I had to.
December 19th, 2006 at 1:18 pm
15
Chris says:
DAaaeeOrgeron dongownaw Fayeevil ferno MeechMoostain; MeechMoostainmomma saydaOrgeron donthrowdabawnuff tomayherbabyawwstaw
December 19th, 2006 at 1:34 pm
16
One And Done says:
So is that an admission that Ole Miss is garbage & should’ve been beaten more thoroughly by LSU, Ragin Cajun Rebel?
Sounds like it. Also sounds like “we almost won.” Almost doesn’t get you, or anybody for that matter, very far in life.
Perhaps you should’ve claimed a share of the game like the 2003 SEC West banner of yours that y’all fly conveniently forgetting the fact of the head-to-head tiebreaker. A tiebreaker breaks ties, hence the term ‘tiebreaker.’ So there is no tie for the SEC West in 2003. Tied on record, yes, but again there are tiebreakers (not to mention the matter of head-to-record) otherwise there’d be 3 or even 4 teams in the SEC championship game at a time sometimes & while that would be interesting to watch it’d just be silly & confusing to the lay person…
Now fetch me some tea & chicken fingers
December 19th, 2006 at 1:44 pm
17
Erik says:
Those that say “Why would he want to go to Ole Miss??!?” have clearly never been to Ole Miss.
Here’s a pic of Orgeron strong-arming poor Jevan
Here’s a pic of Orgeron strong-arming poor Jevan
December 19th, 2006 at 1:49 pm
18
Chuck says:
Ogreron speak will never get old. You hear me Orson? Never!
December 19th, 2006 at 1:50 pm
19
Enrico Pollazzo says:
I think LSUFan has a point, Schaeffer and Snead were/are pretty big names that did not pan out elsewhere. With that being said, The O is doing what any other coach in that situation would do: he is landing some solid talent in order to bolster his program. Texas is going to be in a bind at qb.
And RCR, Close = horseshoes & hand grenades only. Unless you are ND and you lose to USC at home in the best game ever (until UM-tOSU ‘06)….
December 19th, 2006 at 1:58 pm
20
Southern Papa says:
Being probably the only reader of this blog that is an alum of both LSU & Ole Miss, I trump both RCR & LSUFan. LSU has done well since Nick came to town, when he put the wall up around LA and kept the recruits home. Les has carried on well. Before then, they were dependent on the name to recruit. But, from time to time Ole Miss had been able to drop down south and pluck one or two out of the Bayou State.
Is Ed the type that can pull off the recruiting? It seems so. It is the end of his second year, and he’s got a lot more infrastructure in place. This is his first HC gig.
Have nearly all the LSU Ole Miss games been squeakers? Not all, but more than most. It’s what makes college football interesting – in the rivalry games, throw out the records. Just ask Pete Carroll about that.
December 19th, 2006 at 2:01 pm
21
Southern Papa says:
By the way, Erik (#17), maybe JEVSNEE saw the Ole Miss girls. Not quite in the class with the Houndstooth Twins (see http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/2994/116/1600/786225/houndstooth_twins.jpg) at heyjennyslater.blogspot.com; but Sorority Row would be a nice place to drive him down.
December 19th, 2006 at 2:06 pm
22
LSUfan says:
RaginCajunRebel, my point on player poaching is regarding the classless way your AD and coach went after Tulane players in the wake of Katrina. Your school fired a very classy and, in my eyes, capable coach to reach for a thug because of the USC brand name. Well look what it got you.
Ole Miss is a safety net for kids that don’t get offered by any of the quality programs in the SEC. So keep getting early commitments from Louisiana and Mississippi kids only to have them switch to LSU as soon as they are offered. Then when you find yourselves slumming once again through the Kansas Jucos to fill out your roster, you’ll remember this exchange and realize just how sad you really are. Your school is a joke and will remain a joke for as long as that belligerent coach remains at the helm (which I pray to God is a very long time).
Merry Christmas
December 19th, 2006 at 2:11 pm
23
Erik says:
LSUfan, you’re acting silly. You don’t know a damn thing about how the Tulane thing went down.
Don’t be a douche rocket.
Merry Christmas to you too.
December 19th, 2006 at 2:25 pm
24
RaginCajunRebel says:
I will now respond to the comments made to me in the order read:
1. AtomicDog: there is no spin on Cannon Smith. He is a kid who made a mistake and it may or may not cost him his scholly. Name me one program in the SEC who hasn’t ever offered a kid that later got into trouble. Thanks.
2. One and Done: that is an admission that we fielded a team of freshman who, by all accounts, should have been destroyed by Saban’s #1 recruiting class. I’m not saying that almost is good enough, but I think that the score refutes your point about “not producing on the field.” It’s a building process.
3. Enrico Pollazzo: Schaeffer is a big name that has yet to produce. We’ll see what happens next season. Snead hasn’t had a chance to “pan out elsewhere,” so I think you’re a little premature on both accounts.
4. Southern Papa: actually, my undergrad degree is from Ole Miss and my law degree is from LSU. So you’ll trump nothing and like it. I pretty much agree with everything else, though.
5. LSUfan: I don’t think you know the whole story as far as the Tulane situation. While you may disagree with the way O handled the situation, the bottom line is that it was not an illegal move on his part. Do I agree with it? Well, if you believe the story told by Tulane fans, then no. If you believe the story told by Ole Miss fans, yes. My guess is that the truth lies somewhere in the middle, and either way I don’t really care.
As far as Ole Miss being “safety net for kids that don’t get offered by any of the quality programs in the SEC,” I would love to see examples. Please. If you’re confused, check out the offers extended to Chris Strong, Ted Laurent, Atterberry, AJ Jackson, and others. If you’re still angry that Tillman signed with us last year (after being committed to LSU all year), then get over it. Y’all stole Nevis from us, so maybe it’s even now.
And if Cuttcliffe is such a great coach, why is it that he has not been considered for ONE head job this year? He’s a Bama guy (played under Bear) but Bama hasn’t even farted in his direction. He let it be known that he was interested in the NC State job, but they didn’t give a sideward glance. Obviously, like every other opinion you’ve let dribble out of your mouth, this one is baseless and has no factual merit.
I hope I didn’t use any words that were too big for you to understand.
December 19th, 2006 at 2:47 pm
25
PLACTIrish says:
No more Brent Shaef
December 19th, 2006 at 2:48 pm
26
PLACTIrish says:
No more Brent Shaef AHHH
Great Post Orson
December 19th, 2006 at 2:48 pm
27
LSUfan says:
You’re right Erick. Thanks for setting me straight on what I do and don’t know. I guess Orgeron wasn’t arrested for domestic violence or a bar fight in Baton Rouge either. He is, in fact, the essence of class.
You Ole Miss losers can keep apologizing for this meathead until the cows come home. As I said before, I hope he stays forever. It makes for great reading and he sucks as a coach. The fact that you are competing better on recruits and producing less on the field proves just how awful he is. He is football’s Bobby Knight without the championships.
December 19th, 2006 at 2:57 pm
28
RaginCajunRebel says:
LSUfan: you haven’t been able to counter one thing I’ve said. I therefore declare victory. Good day. And Merry Christmas to you, too.
December 19th, 2006 at 3:00 pm
29
Southern Papa says:
RCR –
BS (Engr) LSU
MS (ENGR) Ole Miss.
Will let you do the summary.
December 19th, 2006 at 3:09 pm
30
AtomicDog says:
Well if a Rebel says it it must be true (see 2003 SEC West title-musta been a fun time in the ATL). You sadden me RCR, I was hoping for an excuse like Smith was studying a BYU correspondence pharmaceutical course.
Karma’s a B, and the NCAA will come knocking soon enough and all the Touhys in the world won’t save the Rebels.
GTHOM
December 19th, 2006 at 3:10 pm
31
LSUfan says:
Sorry buddy, it’s not like I’m workin’ pump no. 5 in Stuck Nut, Mississippi. As much as I would like to sit around all day and match wits with a silver tongued gentleman such as yourself, I do have a few other things to do. So sometimes my lack of response can be attributed to my schedule, other times, it may just mean I really don’t care. As far as countering your arguments, really… does it matter? You consider yourself the luckiest little program in the South with coach O at the helm. Nothing I think or write will change that. So in the interest of Christmas, let’s just agree that you think your program is heading in a good direction.
December 19th, 2006 at 3:11 pm
32
Enrico Pollazo says:
RCR – the only comment I directed to you was the fact that a close loss to LSU is still a loss. Just like the back-handed compliment I paid your coach is still a form of praise. You are all to eager to jump on the LSU fans (”typical LSU garbage”). Judging from your handle, I would guess that the SWLA/USL/ULL fans have affected your perception of LSU. I guess a JD from LSU does not endear you to the institution.
Snead got beat out by a fellow freshman. He then transferred. I would say that his stay in Texas did not pan out. Perhaps it was premature, but still think he is a “name,” and he will provide some stability to the Ole Miss qb situation.
December 19th, 2006 at 3:35 pm
33
Erik says:
LSUfan, why are you even here chiming in if you’re so far superior? Why you gotta act like senor whiney bitch?
Fact is, Ole Miss needs a coach like Orgeron.
Do you think Snead would be in Oxford otherwise?
December 19th, 2006 at 3:41 pm
34
Scott says:
How the hell did this thread degenerate into a LSU-Ole Piss slapfight? This is a Florida blog, the only slapfights allowed are Alabama-Auburn.
December 19th, 2006 at 5:42 pm
35
Rebfan says:
Just funny observing the arguments on this board. I enjoy the joke on our coach O. He is definitely a cajun and Ole Miss folks are learning that is definitely OK.
LSU fan wants to pull out stuff that happened to O many years ago….long before he settled down with wife and 3 kids. Sure….go ahead…beat him up….but it says more about you than Coach O.
The thing about Coach O is he preaches competition to the kids. He wants them to compete in everything…academics as well as football….he wants them to compete in life. He is changing the way the kids think at OM, and they all love him. The victories, unfortunately, have not yet come, but give him some time. He is a helluva recruter and motivator, and these youngsters got better each game last year, and by the time we played LSU we were competing. The Tiguhs just had too much talent……this year.
Coach O is a helluva competitor himself. That’s why he was admonished for the Tulane thing. One of our OM asst. coaches asked a Tulane coach (who is a friend) to let them know if Tulane was gonna drop the program. Tulane didn’t (as we all know) and when Coach Cellphone found out about it he screamed “foul” to the press. Trouble is no foul was committed, and the NCAA investigated it and said so.
Coach O is a top-notch man who will some day be a top-notch Head Coach. The improvement he made from Yr 1 to Yr 2 was amazing. Pretty soon SEC fanswill acknowledge what many of it’s Head Coaches already know……that OM is gonna compete for championships regularly, and that Coach O, who is already perhaps it’s top recruiter, will be a factor to contend with.
At OM our biggest problem might be how to keep him. We’re all learning how to speak Cajun.
December 19th, 2006 at 8:39 pm
36
JD says:
Scott – the problem with your ALA-AUB slapfight scenario is that the Turds slap, but Auburn punches, and the math is left to the student.
Other than that, spot on.
December 19th, 2006 at 9:54 pm
37
MakersMarkReb says:
Orson – Love the Orgeronian transcripts. Love the site. You’re welcome to join us in the Grove next fall for the UF game.
Jfinke – Why Ole Miss? One word: Tang. (and it was between us, TCU and Houston)
PLACTIrish – Never fear. Brent Shaeffu has one more year. Snead has to sit out the 2007 season.
LSUFan – David Cutcliffe sucked as a head coach. If you cannot see that, you have also probably convinced yourself that Miles will replicate the success of Saban (after Saban’s players leave). Speaking of Miles, how does it feel to know your man got outcoached by a cajun madman who barely speaks english and only has two years of head coaching experience? Back to David Cutcliffe….1. He lost to Memphis with Eli Manning as his QB. 2. He started a slow, white guy ahead of Patrick Willis (by far the best player on his team) in 2004. The man is not a head coach.
RCR – I agree.
Erik – I agree.
Atomicdog – Cannon Smith was offered a scholarship because his pappy is Fred Smith, and, incidentally, we have no reservations whatsoever about bowling in our north endzone and renaming the stadium FedEx Field. The kid will never set foot on the field. No spin here. By the way, who the hell invited you to this party anyway? While many on this site could probably do without the LSU-Ole Miss shenanigans, NONE of us give a flying shit about hearing from a MState fan.
December 19th, 2006 at 11:22 pm
38
AtomicDog says:
Oh you witty Reb. I bow to your numerous SEC titles and championships in the 60’s. My mistake for stepping on your Clark’s.
December 20th, 2006 at 8:47 am
39
RaginCajunRebel says:
AtomicDog–you asked for our spin on Cannon…what’s your spin on Bowman? I mean, seriously…he may sign his LOI…from JAIL! I mean, wow. That takes it to a whole new level.
And you can bow to our numerous National Championships from the 1960s…but the bottom line is that for the last few years, Ole Miss has been bad. But Mississippi Stayhte has been worse.
LOI signed in jail though? Wow…
December 20th, 2006 at 10:08 am
40
AtomicDog says:
Well, it is pretty funny. Croom likes to preach character but doesn’t really follow through. No holier than thou from me. If he is in there for what they say he is, we shouldnt be signing them.
I’m done fellas…
December 20th, 2006 at 10:25 am