JEVAN SNEAD ABDUCTED; LAST SEEN HEADING EAST IN SACK ON BACK OF GIANT.
Texas backup qb Jevan Snead was abducted last night from the parking lot of his apartment in Austin, Texas. Witness describe him being swooped up into the arms of a huge man and stuffed into a sack. The man was described as being “kind of like Solomon Grundy, but scarier,” with coal black hair, “fiery, demented eyes,” and a voice that shattered the glass in the windows of nearby cars.
Police only have this note as a clue, left behind by the superhuman abductor:
HOOOOOOWWEEEEEE!!! DAaaeeOrgeron heaheapahappy this ayem. Heeeagothisself abraaandnew kwatahbackah bahdanamuh JEVAN SNEAD. Datdehbowah kenstraightout trow dehbaw. KENRUNTOOHAHAHAWW!!!! WOOOOHHHHOOOOOWWEEEE!
Hetryandran fromdehOrgeron, hoowee! Breakahsweatt didwe, buttah chasehimmadown, stuffa datdehbloochippah indasack, andarunalldehwayeebackahtoOxford withahmah Jevan. Ahloveahdemownin’ workouts hawhawHAW!!!
Orgerongonnalaylowindembayous formonthatwoo tildepopo layoffalookin formahnewqb. Dendey thinkheedeadorsomething, thenchangeathename anddagettanew birfcertficutaforhim frommaMexico. Ah alreadaygottanewnamahforhim: TED SCORGERON!!! Yougettit? Huh? HAWHAWHAW!!!
The abductor looks something like this, according to a sketch artist. This may be his website, say investigators.
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Well, it is pretty funny. Croom likes to preach character but doesn’t really follow through. No holier than thou from me. If he is in there for what they say he is, we shouldnt be signing them.
I’m done fellas…
Comment by AtomicDog — December 20, 2006 @ 10:25 am
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AtomicDog–you asked for our spin on Cannon…what’s your spin on Bowman? I mean, seriously…he may sign his LOI…from JAIL! I mean, wow. That takes it to a whole new level.
And you can bow to our numerous National Championships from the 1960s…but the bottom line is that for the last few years, Ole Miss has been bad. But Mississippi Stayhte has been worse.
LOI signed in jail though? Wow…
Comment by RaginCajunRebel — December 20, 2006 @ 10:08 am
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Oh you witty Reb. I bow to your numerous SEC titles and championships in the 60’s. My mistake for stepping on your Clark’s.
Comment by AtomicDog — December 20, 2006 @ 8:47 am
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Orson - Love the Orgeronian transcripts. Love the site. You’re welcome to join us in the Grove next fall for the UF game.
Jfinke - Why Ole Miss? One word: Tang. (and it was between us, TCU and Houston)
PLACTIrish - Never fear. Brent Shaeffu has one more year. Snead has to sit out the 2007 season.
LSUFan - David Cutcliffe sucked as a head coach. If you cannot see that, you have also probably convinced yourself that Miles will replicate the success of Saban (after Saban’s players leave). Speaking of Miles, how does it feel to know your man got outcoached by a cajun madman who barely speaks english and only has two years of head coaching experience? Back to David Cutcliffe….1. He lost to Memphis with Eli Manning as his QB. 2. He started a slow, white guy ahead of Patrick Willis (by far the best player on his team) in 2004. The man is not a head coach.
RCR - I agree.
Erik - I agree.
Atomicdog - Cannon Smith was offered a scholarship because his pappy is Fred Smith, and, incidentally, we have no reservations whatsoever about bowling in our north endzone and renaming the stadium FedEx Field. The kid will never set foot on the field. No spin here. By the way, who the hell invited you to this party anyway? While many on this site could probably do without the LSU-Ole Miss shenanigans, NONE of us give a flying shit about hearing from a MState fan.
Comment by MakersMarkReb — December 19, 2006 @ 11:22 pm
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Scott - the problem with your ALA-AUB slapfight scenario is that the Turds slap, but Auburn punches, and the math is left to the student.
Other than that, spot on.
Comment by JD — December 19, 2006 @ 9:54 pm
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Just funny observing the arguments on this board. I enjoy the joke on our coach O. He is definitely a cajun and Ole Miss folks are learning that is definitely OK.
LSU fan wants to pull out stuff that happened to O many years ago….long before he settled down with wife and 3 kids. Sure….go ahead…beat him up….but it says more about you than Coach O.
The thing about Coach O is he preaches competition to the kids. He wants them to compete in everything…academics as well as football….he wants them to compete in life. He is changing the way the kids think at OM, and they all love him. The victories, unfortunately, have not yet come, but give him some time. He is a helluva recruter and motivator, and these youngsters got better each game last year, and by the time we played LSU we were competing. The Tiguhs just had too much talent……this year.
Coach O is a helluva competitor himself. That’s why he was admonished for the Tulane thing. One of our OM asst. coaches asked a Tulane coach (who is a friend) to let them know if Tulane was gonna drop the program. Tulane didn’t (as we all know) and when Coach Cellphone found out about it he screamed “foul” to the press. Trouble is no foul was committed, and the NCAA investigated it and said so.
Coach O is a top-notch man who will some day be a top-notch Head Coach. The improvement he made from Yr 1 to Yr 2 was amazing. Pretty soon SEC fanswill acknowledge what many of it’s Head Coaches already know……that OM is gonna compete for championships regularly, and that Coach O, who is already perhaps it’s top recruiter, will be a factor to contend with.
At OM our biggest problem might be how to keep him. We’re all learning how to speak Cajun.
Comment by Rebfan — December 19, 2006 @ 8:39 pm
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How the hell did this thread degenerate into a LSU-Ole Piss slapfight? This is a Florida blog, the only slapfights allowed are Alabama-Auburn.
Comment by Scott — December 19, 2006 @ 5:42 pm
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LSUfan, why are you even here chiming in if you’re so far superior? Why you gotta act like senor whiney bitch?
Fact is, Ole Miss needs a coach like Orgeron.
Do you think Snead would be in Oxford otherwise?
Comment by Erik — December 19, 2006 @ 3:41 pm
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RCR - the only comment I directed to you was the fact that a close loss to LSU is still a loss. Just like the back-handed compliment I paid your coach is still a form of praise. You are all to eager to jump on the LSU fans (”typical LSU garbage”). Judging from your handle, I would guess that the SWLA/USL/ULL fans have affected your perception of LSU. I guess a JD from LSU does not endear you to the institution.
Snead got beat out by a fellow freshman. He then transferred. I would say that his stay in Texas did not pan out. Perhaps it was premature, but still think he is a “name,” and he will provide some stability to the Ole Miss qb situation.
Comment by Enrico Pollazo — December 19, 2006 @ 3:35 pm
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Sorry buddy, it’s not like I’m workin’ pump no. 5 in Stuck Nut, Mississippi. As much as I would like to sit around all day and match wits with a silver tongued gentleman such as yourself, I do have a few other things to do. So sometimes my lack of response can be attributed to my schedule, other times, it may just mean I really don’t care. As far as countering your arguments, really… does it matter? You consider yourself the luckiest little program in the South with coach O at the helm. Nothing I think or write will change that. So in the interest of Christmas, let’s just agree that you think your program is heading in a good direction.
Comment by LSUfan — December 19, 2006 @ 3:11 pm