PRAYIN' TO GAMBLOR: BOWL SEASON WITH SOLON

“That’s FLORIDA STATE in the EMERALD BOWL”… Music to my ears – LOL!

“hey, I’m going to stop recording” at the end. Love that old trick, Orson. What did you get Solon to say once he thought he was off? “I love picking for EDSBS, but I would give it all up for the University of Washington job.”

Thanks for assuming hasty editing was devious trickery, Bill. Just keep assuming that.

Recommendation for the Animated Adventures of EDSBS:

I think Solon should be a green alien that only Orson can see.

Stranko should be voiced by Burl Ives.

the range of touchablitity for starlets should run something like this. First, the good bets:

1)scarlett johansen= no reservations whatsoever; gambler involved happily accepts leprosy in order for 2 minutes of wagering/coital bliss
a.k.a. jessica alba/rosario dawson/jessica biel pick of destiny

2) Jennifer Connelly* = longstanding professionalism and extensive hotness. reliabel bet with nary a letdown.
a.k.a. depending on age group, the Diane Lane all stars (HT: Bill Simmons)

3)the aforementioned Neve Campbell or any other late-90’s star = lingering attraction for reasons not fully explained, and most likely have a good time with a non-psycho
a.k.a. jenny garth, Mandy Moore, Natalie Portman**

4)Madonna = less upside than in year’s past. Most of it is for old time’s sake, though one’s heart wouldn’t be truly into it, like wagering on JoePa
a.k.a. Shannon Tweed/ Winona Ryder

And now, the bad bets:
5) Pam Anderson = unexplained attraction created by Gamblor; huge but narrowly possible upside. Good chance that body parts will start to fall off after a week or so of first encounter
a.k.a. Naomi Campbell, Christina Aguilera

6)Olsen Twins = the type of out-there bet just for a good story to tell. like trying a two game tease with Northern Illinois and Wisconsin.
a.k.a. Jen the Gelfling from The Dark Crystal

7)Paris Hilton = a bet so bad it makes getting hit in the face with a frying pan full of Herpes seem not so bad. Run away from this with God’s speed
a.k.a tara reid

8)Dame Edna = no doye

(did anyone else enter puberty around the time of seeing Jennifer Connelly in Labyrinth? Ummm, me neither)
*(likewise did you feel just awful for sort of finding natalie Portman kind of attractive in The Professional? Ummm, me neither)

I’m only getting one side of the audio on that. One of you, I guess Solon, is talking, then there’s a few seconds of silence, then he responds to something I never heard. Anyone else having this problem? Am I missing something?

SMQ,
Your right or left ear?

Moterhead!!!

You can barely hear my Nelson-style “ha ha!” around 13:35. Damn, I thought I was louder.

is TCOAN going to get her own sidebar column a la Simmons’ wife? Living with Mr. Swindle has got to be akin to a series of dares. Kind of like Battle of the Network Stars.

Solon the Orecle. The speaker. The Touch-a-bility director?!?!?!?! Keep riding that Big East. t will take you to glory.

You can barely hear my Nelson-style "ha ha!" around 13:35. Damn, I thought I was louder.

If it’s any consolation, I assumed that the only non-beer-related disturbance to which Orson would respond would be from TCOAN, and given your smack-talking skillzzz, anyone with brains would do the same.

Softly smiling, with a tear rolling down my cheek

I’m touched, DC Trojan.

Actually, we have a deal where he sometimes tells me not to interrupt him and I leave him 100% alone in peace and quiet. In return I get to bug the shit out of him the other 99.5% of the time. It works for us.

Jon- Nah. Unlike Orson, I have to write for a living, which sucks all the joy out of it for me. Plus, I’m still in the post-grad school writing hangover period where anything longer than 200 words without some data tables to refer to turns my brain to goo.

I had a good friend tell me that alcoholism is the writer’s version of the black lung.

I look forward to my slow decent.

Nole in Texas-

Good news!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16265307

No gin fix brain? That unpossible.

I’m touched, DC Trojan.

It’s born of familiarity; people think that Frau DC Trojan is a pushover because she’s five foot tall and a nice midwesterner, but you mess with her at your peril.

Actually, we have a deal where he sometimes tells me not to interrupt him and I leave him 100% alone in peace and quiet. In return I get to bug the shit out of him the other 99.5% of the time. It works for us.

Alas, this is where the similarities fall apart. Between the missus and 2 daughters under the age of five, about the only sacrosanct activities are watching SC games and hiding in the toilet — sacrosanct meaning that the disruptions are every 3 minutes rather than every 90 seconds.

i believe that OSHA has now listed alcoholism as the second leading workplace danger in graduate school, trailing slightly behind clubbing one’s self to death with a copy of Finnegan’s Wake

jon (#5). Re Jennifer Connelly. Answer: Yes. Also, didn’t she ride the little pony* in that awful locked-in-Target movie?

• This is not a euphemism. But should be.

Panhandler, I can’t remember nudity in the frank whaley/target jam,(“Career Opportunities”) but she did go lusciously topless in “Inventing the Abbots” while astride Mr. Billy Crudup. And full frontal, but kind of icky in “Requiem for a Dream.” What can I say, she has always been in the mental rolodex…

jon,
I was in love with Jennifer Connelly after I saw Labyrinth. And then she was nekkid in the movie after that. Hott.

Hearing Swindle’s voice — the actual thing, not the cybernetish writing thing — creeps me out somehow.

I thought the laugh was good, TCOAN. I’m biased, but whatever.

Panhandler, do not disparage Career Opportunities. That movie is right up there with “The Chase” in terms of pure cinematic genious. Which brings up the question of where Kristy Swanson shows up on that meter…

Off topic I know….but is it me, or is that the ugliest Panda baby you’ve ever seen?

crazy, Ms. Swanson is solidly in the Neve Campbell territory

Yeah, that’s a bad picture of Mei Lan. You can evaluate her cuteness in action here:

http://www.zooatlanta.org/animals_panda_cam.php4

I learned it from you, That 5.0 Guy…

…I LEARNED IT FROM YOU!!

Happy 23rd birthday, by the way.