THE BONDO BANDIT STRIKES, THE GRAND AM LIVES.

Wayne just kills me. It’s too accurate.

It’s possible I used to play WoW, and that a member of my guild was from Ohio. And all he did was brag about his Porsche (said, of course, without the german/pretentious ‘ah’ sound at the end). It was, of course, an old school whale-tail Porsche that was in horrible shape. Probably also full of bondo. Plus, I swear, he typed almost exactly like Wayne types. Sometimes I think that you really are giving up the blog to someone from Ohio, because this parody is 100% dead on accurate.

I mean, I never played WoW! Shut up, there’s no level 60 Orc Shaman in my past.

Wayne’s mom is Ms. Crabtree from South Park? That explains a lot.

I heard Coach O say,
“Every day should be Lemsday,
Yaw yaw yaw, footbaw.”

Wayne, hate to tell you but your second Haiku does not follow the proper Haiku pattern of 5-7-5. Seems fitting for an OSU guy, though….

(Lee’s on disability, which is the only cool thing about him.)

I’m dying over here.

Haiku smack from commentor with the handle Lawya1…

Wonders never cease…

The bondo bandit is the only reason that two car garages even exist in the South…well…there is also the absolute need for space for the meth lab…but i digress

Dude, that’s so obviously a ’72 Camaro.

I’m guessing it was orange (2 syllables) and field (1 syllable) that threw Wayne off. The haiku would be correct as:

Buckeyes, Gators, both
On the same field. The guys in
orange and blue? Gay.

Actually, I’m surprised a Buckeye would even know what a Haiku was. Bet they’re really good at dotting any i, though.

Clocking the “i” Dept:

Just once, I want to see a gnarly Defensive End of an opposing team whack the tuba player dotting the dastardly “i” real good!

Why not do this during the UF-tOSU game?! Yeah, let a Gator monster loose on the tuba player and lets see hell unleashed! (That dude in the crutches can make a cameo, too, in the ensuing melee.)

“Copperhead Road.”

175.

Great post, but that really sealed it for me. Somehow the Wayne’s narrative arc has stayed compelling for this long; I no longer doubt this meme’s ability to make it all the way to the tOSU-UF game.

Seriously, This is what I look forward to reading. This shit is great.

Great article from Pat Forde on the Arkansas b.s. Highlights include a pic of Mustain’s mom (NOT hot) and a great pic of Broyles doing a Bobby Bowden impersonation.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/columns/story?columnist=forde_pat&id=2697379

Lawya,
Leave him be. I’m surprised he even knows what a haiku is.

Absolutely brilliant.

Orson,
Here’s some red (and gray) meat:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwcc1uLzjiQ&eurl=

Route 87? You live up by Cleveland, Wayne?

Also, I’m not sure if you’re on Facebook, but I thought you might like to know that the members of the group “Ohio State = Gator Bait” are trying to “poke” as many OSU players as possible as often as possible. Sounds kinda, uh, gay.

Looks like Wayne is a genuine Ohio renaissance man.

He can race cars on ice, bondo a fender, write a haiku, and possesses a working knowledge of southern Mexican politics.

I guess they teach them well at Griffin High.

ps. Did he attend Schlichter Elementary as well?

It’s unfortunate that I wasn’t very busy at work today and had to read SW’s post. That “haiku” actually hurt my brain a little. Oh well, I’m still surprised that he can type on a computer.

Haiku and boyfriend on disability line were too much. Orson – you do the blog community and UF proud. I couldn’t wait to check your site out today knowing that S. Wayne’s would be blogging. I vote you let Wayne do the entire week leading up to NC game. The only tweak is you need to tag your banner with “Fluck Florida” rather than “OSU Rulz”…or even more appropriate “Muck Fichigan” No matter who they play they’re more obsessed about us…watch for “F Michigan” gear at the NC game. Thanks for the laughs.

- Go Blue

The sad part is that I go to class with about 20 subcomanndant waynes. But hey they are all too stupid to get the fuck out of ohio.

Big House – For me, Corso and than damed “helmet game” crap ruined it for me. Not to mention that fight song makes me dry heave like ’Conquest" does for a Domer I work with.

I don’t have animosity for the fans, though, because that’s what makes the rivalry. Saying F*** Michigan is like wiping your ass with silk. Don’t know why, but it is. BTW, please beat the crap out of SC. I’ll be watching with the sound off.

d00d! MacGyver can really jam the mandoline!

Steve Earle on crack >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Steve Earle sober

I read in Sky Magazine on Delta once, if you don’t filter the moonshine through a piece of bread, you’ll go blind, or root for OSU, I forget which one it was.

steve earl rocking the mandolin…before he became homeless in nashville because the $10,000 a month royalities he got weren’t enough to finance his drug habits

You think Steve Earle is badass? He’s just following in the footsteps of Townes Van Zandt

Here’s a good one… a high school in Bama has pretty much banned U of Alabama from recruiting there:

“One school that will no longer be welcome at St. Thomas, though, is the University of Alabama. Smith has sent a letter to the school president and athletic director after what he believes was the unfair firing of Mike Shula as coach.”

http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/sports/16226563.htm

I particularly enjoyed this turn of phrase “…like someone had polished it with Paris Hilton’s twat after ol’ Subcommandante Wayne took it on a mad spin behind the permits building…”

The best part is that the simile has different meanings depending on what you assume it is there. If you assume “it” is the car then it’s very funny. If however you read it as SW taking Paris’ nethers on a wild ride around the Permits parking lot it becomes both hilarious and much more believeable.

rajuncajun…its a catholic hs in ft lauderdale, its not a hs in alabama…the shula apologist are out in full force now, I would like to take a nice warm piss on the guys face

Thanks matt. didn’t read it close enough to catch that. As for pissing on his face…well, I understand that the only thing that would make your life complete is to turn his face into a toilet seat…but be careful. You can be arrested for that sort of thing. Maybe not in alabama, though.

Nice call on the Copperhead Road vidya. Steve Earle on EDSBS & “The Wire” in the same week. Blanketing the media.