FSU’s outsourcing their band–again, though T.K. Wetherell insists it’s part of a symbolic move by the university to punish itself for its lowly gridiron performance this year. We think it’s to save money and piss on the bowl game that’s deigned to offer them a bid, since the FSU band has somewhere between 500 and 30,000 members and has to be a logistical nightmare to deal with at home games.

Moving them across the country for the Veganomics.Com Quorn Bowl would have been a pain in the ass, sure, but it would have also made the stadium look slightly less desolate. As it stands, FSU will now pay a band to show up. We nominate the following San Franciso bands and their song that best applies to FSU:

Creedence Clearwater Revival: “Fortunate Son.” Hello, Jeffy.

Dead Kennedys: “Straight A’s.” As in social science majors’ GPAs.

Train: Anything, really, since it will all suck, suck, suck, and thus cause misery and pain to whomever’s unfortunate enough to hear it.

Journey: “Who’s Crying Now”


This would be the best part of the Emerald Bowl. And it still wouldn’t be good in a non-ironic way.