DIRK KOETTER HAS GIRLFRIENDS. LOTS OF 'EM.

by Orson on Dec 13, 2006 8:37 AM EST

Dirk Koetter may have been dumped. But he has girlfriends, Arizona State. There'll be another you in a minute, Arizona State. As a matter of fact, there will be five of them here in a minute.

Koetter says he's gotten five job offers, and not just from the all-cash, can't miss home marketing opportunity we get five of a day in the spambox.(HT: The Wiz.) The Miami Herald reports he's a mention for the Miami Hurricanes offensive coordinator slot, which would be nasteeeeeeeee should he get it, since he'd be bringing the novel concept of scoring points to the ACC and using some of Miami's F-22 speed to do it.

How far have negotiations for any of these jobs gotten, you ask? (Or Arizona State asks, trying to preen at the party with new boyfriend Dennis Erickson, telling him I bet he hasn't even sent his resume in yet. He's such a wimp, not like he-man you, Dennis. Spank me again!) Koetter says there's a time and place for it, but we'll make an educated guess using terminology only the most dedicated of Arrested Development could love: they've probably only gotten to second base, but considering the whole five-jobs-and-waiting-thing, have done so headfirst and sliding:

In a weird bit of coacing circularity, outgoing Miami OC Rich Olson is reuniting with former boss Dennis Erickson at his new job at...Arizona State. You may remember Olson as the man who did not call a pass over seven yards in length for the entire year of 2006, which shows that if you can get one D-1 coaching job in your life, you've got one for life.

Meanwhile, Charlie Strong's totally just hanging out, y'all. Really. Just hanging out, watching The Wire, you know, catching up and prepping for the Buckeyes and working on his pecs. Just a random mention without any insinuations or subtext. At all.

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airhorn

by irishoutsider on Dec 13, 2006 8:42 AM EST reply actions

I wonder whatever happened to Bama trying to get a new head coach. Did they just give up?

by hazer on Dec 13, 2006 8:54 AM EST reply actions

to carry the relationship analogy further, alabama is like the dude who got dumped, decided that the best course of action would be to dust off his little black book and plow through it, only to find out that everyone in it is either happily in a relationship or has dropped the weight, braces, and acne and now believes they deserve better. so, now alabama is sitting on his couch covered in mcdonalds crumbs watching infomercials with his hand down his pants taking whacks directly out of a plastic jug of bourbon. and no, he doesn’t have that 20 bucks he owes you from last week…

by rjsplow on Dec 13, 2006 9:04 AM EST reply actions

Nicely put, rjsplow!

by Aerobab on Dec 13, 2006 9:15 AM EST reply actions

Suggestion for Bama fans: there’s always money in the banana stand.

by PSUrob on Dec 13, 2006 9:24 AM EST reply actions

Actually, Bama is like that friend who interrupts you telling a story about your friend out in AZ, who just got dumped, to tell you all about how he just got dumped. Because he’s really desperate for attention, and he’s totally gonna score with the hot new chick that just moved into the building.

by Mr. Wrong on Dec 13, 2006 9:33 AM EST reply actions

Didn’t Bama already burn down the banana stand?

by j.j. on Dec 13, 2006 9:40 AM EST reply actions

Piling On Dept:

Bama is like the rich old lady who once had it goin’ on, with great boobs and stuff and had the pick of the litter….

But now….

No matter how much money she throws around, she can not even get a mercy date from Danny DeVito look-a-likes.

by Stacy Keibler Loves Me on Dec 13, 2006 9:46 AM EST reply actions

…well, maybe after the last seven limoncellos….

by Stacy Keibler Loves Me on Dec 13, 2006 9:49 AM EST reply actions

Put Pete in the Hall!!!!!!!

by Odell 51 on Dec 13, 2006 9:50 AM EST reply actions

I thought that was Lou Ferrigno.

by tOSU_radar on Dec 13, 2006 9:55 AM EST reply actions

Bama’s supposedly interviewed Steve Kragthorpe from Tulsa…I hear that Mal first put him in the broom closet and kept making him change his looks:

“Hair down, glasses off…no, Hair up, glasses on…SHIT Steve—Hair down, glasses on…awww hell, come on.”

by RaginCajunRebel on Dec 13, 2006 9:58 AM EST reply actions

Bama just blue themselves.

There’s gotta be a better way to say that.

by grits-n-gravy on Dec 13, 2006 10:05 AM EST reply actions

Alabama’s made a huge mistake.

by irishoutsider on Dec 13, 2006 10:07 AM EST reply actions

Oh, you’re not afraid to hire a new coach? Then go ahead, hire that coach right there. Go on now, hire that coach. Just as I suspected.

by RaginCajunRebel on Dec 13, 2006 10:13 AM EST reply actions

Dirk Koetter turns illusions for money.

COME ON!!!

by jakldawg on Dec 13, 2006 10:31 AM EST reply actions

Bama is like that old guy in the club. He’s not really that old, just a little too old to be in the club.

I’m going to miss having an offense at ASU.

by Big Jon on Dec 13, 2006 10:33 AM EST reply actions

Maybe Bama could go after Mangino or Friedgen. Afterall, if it means them taking a chubby, they will suck it up.

by Philly Gator on Dec 13, 2006 11:10 AM EST reply actions

Bama’s just like the girl who was waiting for the one particular guy (who she thought had just broken up with his girlfriend) to ask her to the prom, then finds out the old girlfriend gave it up for her guy. Now, after drinking the 7 limoncellos (I had several last night, they kick if done right) she’s facing the prospect of having to ask the son of one of her mother’s friends, and hearing her mother say “Ask him. I’m sure he doesn;t have a date.”

by Southern Papa on Dec 13, 2006 11:26 AM EST reply actions

Memo to D. Koetter: If you drop your starting QB at Da U in a publicly humiliating fashion, he will not stamp off to sulk at Nebraska. He will pop a cap in your ass.

Something to think about as you’re working your way through all the thin envelopes thanking you for your interest in head coaching positions.

And remember, Pete loves you.

by DC Trojan on Dec 13, 2006 11:32 AM EST reply actions