BLOGTOBERFEST! HEIZMAN EDITION.

The foinest of the foin, brought you by an RSS reader and some prescription stimulants. Autobots, roll out!

--Every Day Should Be Lemsday. Go to it. Now. An excerpt from the goods if you don't believe us:

Aw de bowgame comrawndhea. Owe Miss aintinna bowgame! ORGERAWANNABOWGAME! Bamainnabowgame, Tennseeinnabowgame, evin Kentkainnabowgame! Isa putta rebah innabowgame! Wepla ennawar. Shrepor, Jackvul, Canta, youname! Rebah manah ha agresaysen, butrebah travrewel! Brindamanah! Brindafan! Ow Miss Rebah fillyostadum ritup!

Gicotchogeonachan, or hecommaritroun anstrinyawup!

It's the greatest thing since Chewbacca's website. Gigantic accolades to Brian and Trev and the boys for rigging up something that truly defies description.

Datratdeyer izzahelluvawebsayyyyeeet. YallhavahappeeLEMSDAY!!!

--In other bayou-ish news: Tulane, fresh from what Tony Barnhardt called a "scandalous" firing of Chris Scelfo, hires retread Bob Toledo as coach. Scelfo was the coach who juggled chainsaws in getting Tulane's football team through Katrina despite lacking facilities, a field, and proper funding for substitutes. Karma points surely give him a nice bonus on whatever the next roll of life's 20-sided die brings.

--House of Heat brings us a comprehensive guide to surviving the wilds of Glendale, Arizona. They're also quite cautious but also optimistic on Arizona State's hiring of slut/genius Dennis Erickson as their coach for the next two years. (max)

--We missed the inimitable Clay Travis post-game at the SEC championship game, but we hope that's understandable since the Nutt/Meyer trickfest left us too weak to speak coherently. Clay shares his lessons learned from his season-long swing around the SEC, including this canny observation about the benefits of publicly-subsidized Georgia educations:

. University of Georgia girls have bigger breasts thanks to the Hope Scholarship. With other southern states like Tennessee and South Carolina adopting lottery-funded scholarships, I expect this trend to spread even faster.

Take that, Harvard!

--Adrian Peterson, playing in la Fiesta Bowl. We're not sure we can really advocate this, since given his long history of freak injuries and bad timing, a smiting at the gun just as AP extends his arm into the endzone for the winning score might be inevitable.

--Urban Meyer's counting to 10 before he answers questions that make him mad. He's also getting all postmodern and ironic with us:

"See, I’ve learned. I made comments in this room before (that were criticized). Watch how mature I am. You’re going to hear a lot of nonsense out of my mouth from here on out. … I’m going to start talking like a lot of these other coaches. … I think we’re going to take it one game at a time. We’re going to play very hard. Ohio State’s got great players. How’s that?"

Sounds like Jim Tressel, actually.

--Speaking of Sir Sweatervest...Buckeye Commentary has graphs of Smith's landslide of the Heisman award leading up to the voting. The actual voting looked like Haitian election results with Troy Smith playing the part of the well-armed strongman.

--Dem Heizman Boyz: Another reason why living in the South is like awesomeness cubed. Actually, at any point in the Southeast spontaneous, coordinated, and oddly goofy dancing can break out at any point, though never without the participation of at least one black person. The only exception to this is the electric slide; otherwise, white people in large groups, like programmed Sims, just start playing horseshoes happily.

Brian's got his videos, but we're partial to this Florida-themed variation we found on Youtube. You know it's college--check the lamp in the background and the blinds. We know this because we can still smell the odor of a tremendous spider falling to its fiery death against the bulb in a dingy Gainesville apartment.