MichiganZone is accusing Florida of selling out by replacing the “Celebrating 100 Years of Football” patch Florida’s worn all season with a Tostito’s patch. We couldn’t agree more, since Florida was so much better when they weren’t all corporate and shit and were all indied up and doing their own thing, man.

The Vegas line should have moved up three points with the very appearance of the word “Tostitos” in association with Florida, since the last time Florida played in a Tostitos-sponsored bowl VERY BAD THINGS ARRRGGHHAAAHHsllggghhh (slobbering at keyboard, twitching, revived with paddles and injection of adrenaline)…where were we?

Nurse! Crash cart! NOW!

Anyway, two Buckeye notes, since we’re going to be playing them sometime in the near future.

First, the Heisman Trophy represents a clear and present danger to our country. Airport security told me so, so it must be true. Perhaps they’re acting on some crazy notion that Heisman Trophy award winners have a slightly greater statistical propensity to kill people, though having 1986 winner Khalid Sheikh Mohammed’s name on the trophy didn’t help things, either.

(You don’t remember his whole “the Jews killed Jesus” acceptance speech? Oh, sorry, that was
another Heisman winner, FSU’s own Charlie Ward, a bit later on in his career. Just boys being boys!)

The second Buckeye note: Florida’s already lost the rap game, since C-bus is bringing the flow like this, son. He says wishes he wasn’t so plastered at the end of this; we were really wanting to be plastered by the end, but it is 3 o’clock, and that’s not all that unusual around here, anyway.

Umm…enjoy? (Audio NSFW, natch.)

The sudden lull of the bowl season gap has freed us up to do more productive things with our time. Take a stroll amongst the fallen leaves; remember the real first name of our spouse; and finally get that festering thingy on our leg looked at. (Turns out it’s called our “foot,” and whatever it is it’s got to come off pronto, according to our esteemed physician, Dr. Vinnie Boombatz.)

Another worthy activity: checking out Florida players’ Facebook pages. Today’s excerpt comes from Florida defensive end Jarvis Moss. A few facts about Jarvis Moss, first:

Fact: he is interested in girls.

Fact: someone named “Mimi” “tagged Jarvis in 11 photos,” something not half as nasty as it sounds, actually.

Fact: Jarvis Moss was appointed “Troy Smith’s Worst Nightmare” by an influential member of the
“~QUIT CRYING MICHIGAN…FLORIDA IS GOING TO DA SHIP!!!” group. Apparently this is not an elected office.

Fact: Troy Smith, Jarvis Moss apparently is not impressed with your “Heiseman.”

Presented in unalterable SCREENCAPTUREVISION to prevent memory-holing by concerned Florida officials, we present Jarvis’ Facebook page. Moss like HEISMENS! (HT: Lindsay.)

We highlight the best part of all below, hoping that this is some kind of backhanded spelling tribute to the classic In Living Color skit, “Men on Film.” (more…)

Michigan fans are not bitter. No. Not. At. All. (HT: Dan.)

Isn’t hijacking someone’s wikipedia slot a bit of a Comic Book Guy revenge? I shall alter your wikipedia entry! Taste the flames of my mockery of your online reference entry? Or to quote philosophy from a true mistress:

You know I’m not gonna diss you on the Internet
Cause my momma told me better than that.

We’re not better than that, of course. But, um…Destiny’s Child is. And that’s a sign that you’re not living up to your full potential, Michigan fans. You’ve got a legacy to live up to along with the moral imperative set forth by Destiny’s Child!!! Space, bitches. Space. Until we see “FLORIDA SUCKS” lit in blue flame across the heavens by multi-degreed UM grads, we can’t be impressed.

Until then, Beyonce and company are looking at you with disdain.

They ain’t gonna dis you on the internet. Even on Wikipedia.

The foinest of the foin, brought you by an RSS reader and some prescription stimulants. Autobots, roll out!

–Every Day Should Be Lemsday. Go to it. Now. An excerpt from the goods if you don’t believe us:

Aw de bowgame comrawndhea. Owe Miss aintinna bowgame! ORGERAWANNABOWGAME! Bamainnabowgame, Tennseeinnabowgame, evin Kentkainnabowgame! Isa putta rebah innabowgame! Wepla ennawar. Shrepor, Jackvul, Canta, youname! Rebah manah ha agresaysen, butrebah travrewel! Brindamanah! Brindafan! Ow Miss Rebah fillyostadum ritup!

Gicotchogeonachan, or hecommaritroun anstrinyawup!

It’s the greatest thing since Chewbacca’s website. Gigantic accolades to Brian and Trev and the boys for rigging up something that truly defies description.

Datratdeyer izzahelluvawebsayyyyeeet. YallhavahappeeLEMSDAY!!!

–In other bayou-ish news: Tulane, fresh from what Tony Barnhardt called a “scandalous” firing of Chris Scelfo, hires retread Bob Toledo as coach. Scelfo was the coach who juggled chainsaws in getting Tulane’s football team through Katrina despite lacking facilities, a field, and proper funding for substitutes. Karma points surely give him a nice bonus on whatever the next roll of life’s 20-sided die brings.

–House of Heat brings us a comprehensive guide to surviving the wilds of Glendale, Arizona. They’re also quite cautious but also optimistic on Arizona State’s hiring of slut/genius Dennis Erickson as their coach for the next two years. (max)

–We missed the inimitable Clay Travis post-game at the SEC championship game, but we hope that’s understandable since the Nutt/Meyer trickfest left us too weak to speak coherently. Clay shares his lessons learned from his season-long swing around the SEC, including this canny observation about the benefits of publicly-subsidized Georgia educations:

. University of Georgia girls have bigger breasts thanks to the Hope Scholarship. With other southern states like Tennessee and South Carolina adopting lottery-funded scholarships, I expect this trend to spread even faster.

Take that, Harvard!

–Adrian Peterson, playing in la Fiesta Bowl. We’re not sure we can really advocate this, since given his long history of freak injuries and bad timing, a smiting at the gun just as AP extends his arm into the endzone for the winning score might be inevitable.

–Urban Meyer’s counting to 10 before he answers questions that make him mad. He’s also getting all postmodern and ironic with us:

“See, I’ve learned. I made comments in this room before (that were criticized). Watch how mature I am. You’re going to hear a lot of nonsense out of my mouth from here on out. … I’m going to start talking like a lot of these other coaches. … I think we’re going to take it one game at a time. We’re going to play very hard. Ohio State’s got great players. How’s that?”

Sounds like Jim Tressel, actually.

–Speaking of Sir Sweatervest…Buckeye Commentary has graphs of Smith’s landslide of the Heisman award leading up to the voting. The actual voting looked like Haitian election results with Troy Smith playing the part of the well-armed strongman.

–Dem Heizman Boyz: Another reason why living in the South is like awesomeness cubed. Actually, at any point in the Southeast spontaneous, coordinated, and oddly goofy dancing can break out at any point, though never without the participation of at least one black person. The only exception to this is the electric slide; otherwise, white people in large groups, like programmed Sims, just start playing horseshoes happily.

Brian’s got his videos, but we’re partial to this Florida-themed variation we found on Youtube. You know it’s college–check the lamp in the background and the blinds. We know this because we can still smell the odor of a tremendous spider falling to its fiery death against the bulb in a dingy Gainesville apartment.