Bowl updates! Get ‘em while they’re still lukewarm, along with some

–Miami to the MPC Computers Bowl. Miami players could be surrounded by white powder with no commercial value, which frustratingly enough would be referred to as “snow.” Yay-yoooo! Their anger will only help them.

–Speaking of hurricanes…LSU goes to the Rose Bowl. The Rose Bowl Parade, the Garden Club porno that is traditionally the most soporific hour of television of the year this side of the Urban Meyer Show, could be substantially more interesting this year as beautifully crafted floats get topping of masked, drunk, boob-flashing revelers tossing gold coins at stunned grandmothers.


Mommy! Boobs!

They will likely face Michigan, another brawny, fast team running on foiled championship juice. Your Facemask Inc. stock just soared, because blunt force will be the theme if this holds.

–Ducks v. Mormons in Las Vegas Bowl. Ducks fans thrilled that there’ll be twice as much free booze for them at the casino. Vegas burghers thrilled that bowl games are but a blip in the sinstream flowing through their county limits.

–The rest may be found here, though we would like to TiVo the Hawaii/ASU game in advance for this year’s Scientific Notation Required Bowl.