WEEKEND IN REVIEW, REGGIE BALL: AGRAJAG OF THE ACC

by Orson on Nov 27, 2006 4:51 PM EST

Georgia/Georgia Tech had a lot of interesting moments, but like spectators on the highway, the attention tends to focus on the obvious disasters. Like Reggie Ball playing the University of Georgia at quarterback, a role of such abject misery and incompetence as to paralyze any conventional comparisons we'd care to make. For the past four years, him under center against UGA has been like looking at the fresh wreckage of a car crash for four hours straight and waiting for the gas tank to go off in a ball of flame and sizzled flesh.

Reggie Ball: set to go off at any instant.

For four years running, it went off with unreal frequency and regularity. Which means we've got to dig into the Douglas Adams archives to find just the right blend of unreal bad luck, shoddy execution, and futile self-mutilating rage to capture the career of Reggie Ball properly. (Warning: two minutes of internet research required. Gird that attention span, ADDers!)

First, the numbers: For his career against UGA, Ball went 45-104 with one touchdown and five interceptions. He was sacked at least six times, and tackled for losses on hopeless scrambles on innumerable occasions. He also lost four fumbles, including Tony Taylor's squirrel/nut run giving UGA their first score in 2006 and signalling the beginning of the final catastrophe.

Worse than the number was the timing of Ball's mistakes:

--2003: knocked out with concussion caused by running into own teammate.

--2004: throws ball away on 4th down on potential game-winning drive.

--2005: throws game-ending interception five yards shy of tying td.

--2006: loses crucial fumble for score AND throws game ending pick into triple coverage on final drive with over a minute left on clock.

Ball was a master--in fact, he got worse with each game he played against Georgia. The more the pressure mounted, the more success Ball enjoyed as a starter, the worse he played against the Bulldogs. He came back stronger each time, and yet could not stop improving on his masterwork of disaster. In fact, his senior year capped his artistry: not only did he lose a game-killing fumble, he also tossed his signature game-losing pick, a Matisse of malicious fortune and bad execution made worse with a 6 for 22 performance killing any potential of consistent passing offense.

The simile: Reggie Ball : Georgia as Agrajag : Arthur Dent. The story:

Agrajag is a piteous creature that is continually reincarnated and subsequently killed unknowingly by Arthur Dent each time. Agrajag first appears in the series as a falling bowl of petunias (although, if the books are read in sequence, the reader doesn't know it at the time). In another incarnation, he was a prehistoric rabbit who was killed by Arthur for breakfast and whose skin was fashioned into a pouch, which is then used to swat a fly who happened to be Agrajag. In yet another, he dies of a heart attack after seeing Arthur and Ford materialize, seated on a Chesterfield sofa, in the midst of a cricket match at Lord's Cricket Ground.

If there's any harmony in this universe, Reggie Ball will end up in his next life as a pot of petunias, which will be dropped from a windowsill by an offspring of Paul Oliver.

Reggie, seen here in his next life plotting his soon-to-be-thwarted revenge.

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Comments

Agrajag…holy jeebus, that’s a blast from the past. What a totally unexpected yet perfect analog, even on the point that UGA = Arthur Philip Dent, i.e. confused, ineffective, and impotent.

by matsut on Nov 27, 2006 5:02 PM EST reply actions

Were will the reggie ball petunia pot be located??

by Brian on Nov 27, 2006 5:18 PM EST reply actions

I still think that the “knocked out with a concussion” story from ’03 is a smokescreen. Reggie got yanked because he got run out of bounds on a fourth-down scramble and tried to clock a Georgia trainer on the sidelines. It was at that point that I knew I hated Reggie Ball with the fiery intensity of a thousand suns, probably even worse than I hated the similarly shit-talking-with-nothing-to-back-it-up Casey Clausen.

I actually started feeling sorry for Auburn’s Brandon Cox when we picked him off the third or fourth time, but not once have I ever felt so much as a twinge of regret for anything done or said about Reggie Ball. Just a worthless, obnoxious individual. I will thank the Lord every day that Tech got stuck with him and we didn’t.

by Doug on Nov 27, 2006 5:31 PM EST reply actions

oh no, not again

by gosouthgohard on Nov 27, 2006 6:00 PM EST reply actions

I don’t understand why Chan Gailey never really recruited another QB to replace Reggie Ball. I don’t think it would be hard to find better. Chan Gailey is from Georgia and played QB in college. He has to know at least one two guys just in-state that could fill Reggie’s shoes. Especially with CJ catching. I mean there has to be some recruit who is able to complete at least 50% of passes, not throw more picks than TDs, know when to throw the ball away, not throw into coverage, all that stuff. He wouldn’t even have to be better than Reggie really, just not screw up as much or be as much as a threat to his team’s chances of winning. It seems Chan is just complacent in his mediocre quarterback and with a mediocre record. Tech doesn’t seem to have the same persona that it used to. If Chan Pa was the coach of my team, which he almost was, he would’ve been gone by now.

Oh yeah, at Sanford at the end of the game, everyone was chanting “Reg-gie! Reg-gie!” Hilarious.

by Jon on Nov 27, 2006 6:09 PM EST reply actions

So who’s the equivalent to the falling sperm whale? (He was such a cheerful chap, too…)

by peachy on Nov 27, 2006 6:15 PM EST reply actions

Calvin Johnson’s collegiate potential. They’re in it together.

by Orson Swindle on Nov 27, 2006 6:23 PM EST reply actions

Remember the Infocom game? That was awesome.

Get up.
L
Turn on light.
Get gown.
Wear gown.
L in pocket.
Get aspirin
Take aspirin
Get screwdriver
S
Get mail

You get the idea…I apologize if I screwed up any of the steps; I haven’t played the game in many many years.

by PeteJayhawk on Nov 27, 2006 7:21 PM EST reply actions

Good God! That is why I love this site: footbawl and Life the Universe and Everything. What will Reggie Ball’s “Kill Arthur Dent body” look like?

by LemmeHearYaSayWarEagle on Nov 27, 2006 8:05 PM EST reply actions

I was just starting to move into the 3rd stage of grief when I read this and now I’m back at rage.

by JacketDan on Nov 27, 2006 8:12 PM EST reply actions

Doug, I couldn’t help but sense a twinge of antipathy hidden in the sentiments you expressed regarding Reggie Ball. I won’t pretend I care all that much, but I do hold him partially responsible for helping to fool the national media into believing that Clemson was a legitimate top 25 team. Ineptitude personified.

by Continuation T. Arranger on Nov 27, 2006 9:13 PM EST reply actions

Pete:

It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
SPRAY FROBOZZ MAGIC GRUE REPELLENT ON ME
It smells like a mixture of buring rubber and old socks, not unlike the game play of Reggie Ball vs. UGA. Or Notre Dame DBs vs. a real offense.

Infocom rocks the house! Definitely worth every Zorkmid…

by tOSU_radar on Nov 27, 2006 9:29 PM EST reply actions

If Georgia is Arthur Dent, does that make Florida Ford Prefect? Is USC Zaphod? What about tOSU as Trillian?

Oh, the possibilities…one thing is for sure—after this weekend, us ND fans sure relate to Marvin.

by Nate on Nov 27, 2006 9:47 PM EST reply actions

Myles Brand is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz.

by tOSU_radar on Nov 27, 2006 10:09 PM EST reply actions

Actually I think the Infocom game required you to type “get analgesic” in order to pick up the aspirin.

by jonathantu on Nov 27, 2006 11:21 PM EST reply actions

MMM….Vogon Poetry….“Ode to NCAA Rule 325e…”

and yes, it was “get analgesic”….

by Nate on Nov 27, 2006 11:42 PM EST reply actions

and tech fans are the nerds, huh?

by david on Nov 28, 2006 12:26 AM EST reply actions

See, it’s this kind of thing that makes EDSBS the only college football blog I actually LIKE reading.

by tim in tampa on Nov 28, 2006 8:23 AM EST reply actions

Please…a NSFNN (Not Safe for Non-Nerds) warning would have been appropriate. Well, the non-fantasy world loving nerds anyway.

by Aerobab on Nov 28, 2006 8:41 AM EST reply actions

Many people have speculated that if we knew why Reggie Ball had thrown into triple coverage, we would know a lot more about the nature of college football than we do now.

by irishoutsider on Nov 28, 2006 8:53 AM EST reply actions

“There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable…. the BCS.”

/obvious
//don’t forget to feed the dog the cheese sandwich.

by Panhandler on Nov 28, 2006 9:13 AM EST reply actions

Switching to a different kind of geekery for a minute: you couldn’t have picked a better car on fire than the Morris Minor – the British bug, superficially reliable but prone to basic collapse at any minute. Reggie Ball’s football-processing synapses have little “made by Lucas” labels on them.

by DC Trojan on Nov 28, 2006 10:35 AM EST reply actions

DC Trojan, outstanding piece of trivia!

Apparently Reggie’s comments after the UGA game (something to the effect of it’s not a rivalry and it’s just like playing flag football) didn’t make him any new friends.

by Ohiodawg on Nov 28, 2006 10:53 AM EST reply actions

That Reggie Ball is a 4 year starter while guys like Matt Flynn (and many, many others) ride the pine for years is one of life’s cruelest cruelties. I know life ain’t fair, but damn!

by Because They Can on Nov 28, 2006 6:46 PM EST reply actions