THANKSGIVING AND OUT

by Orson on Nov 22, 2006 2:39 PM EST

Turkey beckons, so we're off to Birmingham to visit family. To quell any potential rumors, we would like to announce right here and now that we are staying put at EDSBS, and will not be considering any offers to coach the University of Alabama football team.

Posting will be very, very light. We'll hold off on the rest of the Michael Lewis interview, since transcribing the thing is like ten bitches in a bitch boat, so expect that on Monday. We may post some FSU-inspired invective, but after watching them lose to Wake by 30 points and getting shutout at home, the wattage for this game is going to be very, very dim indeed. Even we're almost tired of watching Drew Weatherford get collar-tackled in the back of the pocket every other down (almost.)

Coaching deaths may rain down upon us quickly in the next week or so. Expect updates in that case. Paper maelstroms are already likely flying between lawyers, and should turn into blizzards following the final gun on Saturday. A few predictions:

--Larry Coker may just walk into the stands and leave via the visitor parking lot on Saturday. He could, since he's going to be fired most mercilessly by Donna Shalalalalalala on Sunday.

--Amato: say goodbye to those sweet, sweet gazongas.

--Dirk Koetter: Norm Chow is taking your job, and leaving behind the flaming garbage scow that is the Titans franchise. Why not send your resume to Tallahassee?

--Shula: for all we know, Papa Smurf may well be a legitimate candidate. Like many Alabama fans he too eschews the wearing of shirt and shoes, a bonus in his compatibility rating for the job.

Enjoy the weekend. Remember, a frozen turkey placed into a deep-fryer will kill anything in a fifteen-foot radius. Whether this is preferable to spending another second with your family is your decision, but try not to take any innocents with you.

On that note, we are thankful for our readers, who remind us that you when you are sick, you are never alone. Oh, and for Reggie Fuckin' Nelson, who worked his ass off through the boondocks of the college football world to get to Florida and play with unparalleled passion and joy. Here's hoping he becomes the first man to intercept two passes at the same time Saturday. The way Weatherford and Lee are bleeding picks, it may happen.

Leave your own thanks below if you wish.

--O.

No, no, don't thaw it, it'll "seal the juices in." Yeah, stand right over it. You'll be fine. I need to go get a drink--be right back!

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And thank you Mr. Swindle, for pushing my companies numbers deeper into the red. Month after month…

by Leopold Stotch on Nov 22, 2006 2:54 PM EST reply actions

I am thankful for Quentin Groves (and Chris Leak is, at least for now, thankful for Arkansas, which prevented him from getting reacquianted with Mr. Groves on the field in a couple of weeks).

by Will Collier on Nov 22, 2006 3:05 PM EST reply actions

I am thankful for “Bobby Bowden’s Tales From the Seminole Sideline” sent to me by my mom this week (just in time!), the quotes from which will serve as the scatological soundtrack to Saturday’s smackdown.

by Halleck T. on Nov 22, 2006 3:30 PM EST reply actions

Did I miss part deux of the Lewis interview? Nuts.

by O-Fries on Nov 22, 2006 3:36 PM EST reply actions

Yes, thank you for Q. Groves and the decapatation that he brings. Also let the “little ball of hate” also have a wonderful thanksgiving.

by MikeHoncho on Nov 22, 2006 3:39 PM EST reply actions

Mal Moore just issued a public statement…no public endorsement of The Pussy…enough to keep me optimistic through Thanksgiving Weekend

by matt on Nov 22, 2006 3:43 PM EST reply actions

Thanks for all your hard work, Orson.

I did a Google image search of you, and damn you look sexy. I especially love the silver hair:

http://www.computerworld.com/industrytopics/financial/story/0,10801,109218,00.html

by Silte on Nov 22, 2006 3:45 PM EST reply actions

Whoops. Guess I should actually read before posting. Looking forward to the rest on Monday. Have a great Thanksgiving.

by O-Fries on Nov 22, 2006 4:05 PM EST reply actions

i’m thankful for ebay unlike bobby bowden. dick.

by U-Dub Dish on Nov 22, 2006 4:13 PM EST reply actions

Fox pretty much stole everything on EDSBS and claimed it as their own, with one exception, how’d you guys miss the Nazi gingerbread and suicidal snowmen??

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OS7ednJ1JHs

by Brian on Nov 22, 2006 4:27 PM EST reply actions

Feliz el Dio de Gracias (actual attempt at translation from one of my co-workers), ya’ll.

Catch ya on the flipside of the turkey coma.

by Whitey on Nov 22, 2006 4:32 PM EST reply actions

I’m thankful for Darren McFadden.

by Will on Nov 22, 2006 5:20 PM EST reply actions

Whitey:

Tell the co-worker it is “El Día de Acción de Gracias” (or El Dia de Accion de Gracias if accents don’t show up here)

Happy Thanksgiving, and I’m thankful for Charlie Weis.

by David on Nov 22, 2006 5:54 PM EST reply actions

I am thankfull for rednecks and Youtube….together.

by tzubear on Nov 22, 2006 6:36 PM EST reply actions

I’m thankful for Lloyd Carr.

Sincerely,

Jim T.

by RodBeck on Nov 22, 2006 7:05 PM EST reply actions

I am thankful for the crack that Mal Moore and Robert Witt share from the same spoon.

by Cardiac Kids on Nov 22, 2006 8:02 PM EST reply actions

I’m thankful for Ray Rice and Brian Leonard. And to be honest, I’m thankful the bandwagon has slowed down just a little bit. If Rutgers ever does break through to the big time, I think our fans are going to wear out our welcome real quick (too much Yankee fan crossover). I can deal with putting that off for a little while.

by Devin McCullen on Nov 22, 2006 10:57 PM EST reply actions

I’m thankful for Ned, for Bob Stoops’ patience with reporters, and for road night games.

And Corso’s Baby Arm

by cowboycane on Nov 22, 2006 11:49 PM EST reply actions

Yes, after innumerable refrains of “When are you getting married? When are you getting married? When are you getting married?” I’ll be ready to stick my head in a vat of boiling peanut oil. I’m eternally thankful for irish pubs. And college football. And COAN for letting Orson publish this amazingly wonderful waste of time.

by bitterhorn on Nov 23, 2006 8:06 AM EST reply actions

I am thankful for Calvin Johnson, because with out him we would be 5-6.

by Brian on Nov 23, 2006 11:18 AM EST reply actions

Thank you for this blog…..and Troy Smith.

by HootP on Nov 23, 2006 11:29 AM EST reply actions

I second bitterhorn. Here’s to “this amazingly wonderful waste of time.” Thanks.

by SeaTrojan on Nov 23, 2006 1:04 PM EST reply actions

I’m thankful for Orson’s wit, TCOAN’s support, Ty not coaching in South Bend…

y todas las mujeres de Univision! Viva la cheescake del Stranko!!

by Geaux Irish on Nov 23, 2006 1:19 PM EST reply actions

Mmmmm, univision chicas, mmmmmm… grateful for them, too.

by bitterhorn on Nov 23, 2006 1:49 PM EST reply actions

I’m thkful 4 urban meyer and txt msgs LOL Go Gators

by Mormon T. Suxorz on Nov 23, 2006 1:59 PM EST reply actions

I’m thankful that after a disasterous week of football in the household, we have Stanford to vent our frustrations on. (If Cal loses that game, my wife will probably kill me before turning the gun on herself. In lieu of flowers, send a bag of cash to whoever found the Catherine Bell picture.)

by VandyJ on Nov 23, 2006 8:43 PM EST reply actions

One thing I’m thankful for, is you and this site sir. I’m thankful for Orson Swindle AND Stranko Montana.

Also, don’t be getting the big head for the Seminoles. A with championship aspirations team looking past a heated rival who has been playing poorly (see Auburn Georgia two weeks ago for a recent example), bad things can happen from time to time. What would catch my eye most would be a two-pronged reason—Reason a) Chris Leak has been known to curl into the fetal position on the first threat of violence; Reason b) Mickey Andrews and the Florida State defense have never shied away from late hits on the QB or the intentional infliction of pain upon an opposing player, especially a Gator (see Danny Wuerfuel and Earnest Graham as examples).

I ain’t saying Florida State will win, but …..

by Mr. Egger on Nov 24, 2006 9:33 AM EST reply actions

I’m thankful that Mike 5hula is 5till coaching the Crim5on Tide and that Mal Moore i5 re5pon5ible for conducting yet another amu5ing coaching 5earch.

by NewAZTiger on Nov 24, 2006 9:50 AM EST reply actions

Looks like you were a couple of days late on your Coker position…

“Coker was fired Friday, a move that was expected for weeks and came one day after the Hurricanes finished a 6-6 regular season by beating Boston College, snapping a four-game losing streak and becoming bowl-eligible.”

I guess that is what happens when you win a MNC and get to the game the next season.

by jfinke on Nov 24, 2006 12:12 PM EST reply actions

Aside from everything else, I’m thankful that my firm does not block certain college football related websites.

jfinke, are you trying to imply that Coker does not richly deserve to be fired?

by Phil K. on Nov 24, 2006 6:17 PM EST reply actions

Phil,

Really, I could care less. I am not a miami fan. I would love to see them go 0-11 for the next 20 years. But, all I ever hear about is how ND has unrealistic expectations. And we just got done with the worst 10 years of ND football. Here is a school that is firing a coach who won a MNC his first year and got to the championship game his second. His record is still better than 90% of the coaches out there.

Who has a better record? Pete Carrol?? Mack Brown?? Bob Stoops??

Who are they going to replace him with that is going to be considered an upgrade?

by jfinke on Nov 24, 2006 11:04 PM EST reply actions

I’m thankful that Lou Holtz and Mark May were nowhere to be seen during the halftime preview of USC – ND during the Fresno State game this evening.

I am less thankful that I was reduced to watching that game because of in-law duties during other potentially interesting games.

by DC Trojan on Nov 24, 2006 11:46 PM EST reply actions

jfinke, I’m pretty much with you there. (And I was at ND for arguably the worst 4 years of suck.) I should have made myself clear – Coker deserves to be fired for letting his team turn into a tragic, public debacle. The fact that he’s getting hung out to dry for having a bad season, and not for letting the inmates run the asylum, is just another ugly irony in the annals of da U.

by Phil K. on Nov 25, 2006 4:43 PM EST reply actions

I’m thankful for Greg Davis and genius decisions to go for it on 4th and inches in the first quarter.

by Beergut on Nov 26, 2006 8:11 AM EST reply actions

I’m thankful for the countless hours of quality entertainment I’ve gotten in the last year reading this blog. And I’m also thankful in advance that Orson will show mercy to Irish fans. Please…we’ve suffered enough.

by j.j. on Nov 26, 2006 2:57 PM EST reply actions