COACH KILLER: EBAY

by Orson on Nov 21, 2006 7:49 AM EST

No supplements needed on Bobby Bowden's explanation for his son's inability to call anything besides a square-in, jump ball, or blown-up screen as an offensive coordinator:

As for why things didn't work out, he didn't point to statistics or won-lost records.

"Because you all ignited it," he said to a small room of reporters. "You listen to eBay and e-mail and all that junk, and you all kept writing about it and that fans it and makes it grow and grow, and it becomes a cancer. That's why."

Jeff Bowden's playbook for sale. Opening bid: $550,000 from user exasperatedboosternfla.

Two things:

1. Don't even try to purchase wemustignitethiscoach.com, because if you do our lawyaz iz strong and multifarious, yo.

2. Ebay actually does destroy coaches. Especially when they're shopping for other coaches' playbooks in a last-ditch attempt to properly call a game. In the middle of a game. (HT: Jeremy, WATB.)

3. Bowden's actually pissed because Jeff totally got this notice about a real live confederate army vintage flintlock musket he was trying to buy that said he needed to give EBay his credit card information and then OMG! some huge charges on Dad's Visa at a jewelry shop in Istanbul showed up so Dad had to spend like six hours on the phone straightening the whole thing out and that made him so tired that Jeff had to go put him to bed which sucked because then Jeff missed the episode of JAG he'd been waiting to see on USA. That TiVo think is wayyyy too complex to mess with, in Jeff's opinion.

Stranko, is this where we put cheesecake? This is what happens when you have instant access to porn--you just go right to it and bypass cheesecake! And thus lose all cheesecake skills! DAMN YOU INTERNETS!!!
(This is Catherine Bell of JAG, who keeps Jeffy coming back for military courtroom drama with her Farsi skills.

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Comments

Um yeah. She’s hot. and bobby bowden’s retarded. Even JoePa knows what ebay is, he does all of SuePa’s x-mas shopping there.

by PSUrob on Nov 21, 2006 8:22 AM EST reply actions

You can’t buy human organs on eBay.

by irishoutsider on Nov 21, 2006 8:26 AM EST reply actions

holy jesus who is that in the pic?!! my god, i’ve got some serious chub

by Theri Maa, Bhanchod! on Nov 21, 2006 8:29 AM EST reply actions

Send me an email, irishoutsider. I’ve got a buddy, he’s kind of a jack-of-all….uh…black market organs.

by italiangator on Nov 21, 2006 8:29 AM EST reply actions

Orson, please tell us her name, SSN, address, d.o.b., high school, mother’s maiden name and favorite pet growing up. I would like to begin a stalking file on her (at work of course, the ol’ ball and chain wouldn’t be happy if she found that file).

by PSUrob on Nov 21, 2006 8:51 AM EST reply actions

Don’t worry, italiangator. I know a guy.

by irishoutsider on Nov 21, 2006 8:51 AM EST reply actions

Catherine Bell….best miltary hot chick since Demi Kucher in A Few Good Men…jesus, Caffey, you’re in the Navy.

by Ltrain on Nov 21, 2006 8:58 AM EST reply actions

I believe that’s Catherine Bell from JAG fame. Hopefully, she can help with any legalities involving wemustignitethiscoach.com. You can find all sorts of goodies on her at most of the gentlemen’s periodicals devoted to cheesecake and other delicacies. Can we do a Factor 6 on Catherine Bell of JAG v. Catherine Bach (in her prime) of Daisy Duke fame?

by Schnitzengruben on Nov 21, 2006 9:05 AM EST reply actions

Maybe a ‘Nick Bakay tale of the tape’ between Catherine Bell and Jeff Bowden?

by PSUrob on Nov 21, 2006 9:11 AM EST reply actions

I’m saluting.

by DevilGrad on Nov 21, 2006 9:24 AM EST reply actions

Mmmmmm, cheesecake…..aaaaagggghhhh (ode to Homer)

by Ohiodawg on Nov 21, 2006 9:29 AM EST reply actions

And let the record show that I, Doug, was the one who first proposed Catherine Bell as the official EDSBS Cheesecake Girl back when nominations were being solicited a few weeks ago.

No no, no need to thank me. The anxious panting of happy commenters is enough.

by Doug on Nov 21, 2006 9:34 AM EST reply actions

Nobody – and I mean Nobody – beats Catherine Bell.

by Indice on Nov 21, 2006 9:34 AM EST reply actions

You have snatched the pebble from my hand Grasshopper.

by Stranko Montana on Nov 21, 2006 9:35 AM EST reply actions

I just shot Dr.Pepper out my nose. Too funny. AH THE BURN!!!!!!!!!!!!

by Kevin @ Fanblogs on Nov 21, 2006 9:48 AM EST reply actions

I once said there were only two choices: Catherine Bell or Holly Rowe. I know it was tough, but I think you made the right choice.

“Wow… I’m sexually aroused, Commander.”

by RedRoot on Nov 21, 2006 10:09 AM EST reply actions

Did you guys use The Google to find that pic of Catherine “So Hot My Eyes Are On Fire” Bell?

by Dave on Nov 21, 2006 10:41 AM EST reply actions

Yeah, Catherine Bell’s great and all, but ever since you guys made the Ladies of Univision your official babes, they haven’t shown up on here. You get hit with some Latina copyright-o infringement-o?

by AllWhoYonder on Nov 21, 2006 10:42 AM EST reply actions

Orson’s holding out for a guest appearance on “Sabado Gigante.”

by DevilGrad on Nov 21, 2006 10:44 AM EST reply actions

This is my favorite quote of hers from wikipedia.

“I love beer. There’s nothing like having an ice-cold beer. Wine is good, too. My wild partying days of college are behind me, I think. Now if I get wild I seem to remember everything in the morning. It can be scary. For sure.”

by Andy on Nov 21, 2006 10:48 AM EST reply actions