COUP-LUMBUS: TOWN MAYOR DEPOSED, ANARCHY REIGNS.

Viva la revolucion!

What about the Israelli Mafia? Shouldn’t they be throwing down on the ’Bus?

And what’s up with the burning chairs? Don’t they know that couches have a MUCH higher combustibility rating?

what the hell do the buckeyes have against the EU? or, is that a flag symbolic of the blue and maize?

There has been one confirmed casualty to date. OSU ROTC captain Douglas Niedermeyer was trampled by an UzBuck mob while pleading for order. (“Remain calm! All is well!”)

This may be the only college football game where rooting for Al Qaeda is understandable. Of course terrorists would do less damage to Columbus than Buckeye fans.

The streets will flow with the coolers of the non-believers!

Seriously, if you are in Columbus and you don’t have tickets to the game, get the F@#! out of Dodge.

Animal House nitpicking alert: I think Niedermeyer was actually victimized by Flounder’s seltzer bottle and marbles in the street, while the ROTC officer trampled by the mob was Kevin Bacon’s character, Chip Diller.

Because I’m too lazy to scroll, I just had to share this pic of the hotties at UF. Listen, I know the women there are gorgeous, but is this the best pic they could find? Is the photographer a lesbian?

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/multimedia/photo_gallery/0611/campus.superfans.week11/content.1.html

Oh yeah, Pic #3 in that same gallery is the girl with the “Spurrier is a Cock” t-shirt. She’s quickly approaching Jenn Sterger fame (without the fake boobs or stripper outfits)

I’ll do you one better. I’m going to the game…WITH MY MOM…while leaving my own personal TCOAN in the parking lot with her friends.

Am I Evil? Yes I Am.

Re: #8. Is that redneck, dim-witted gentleman in the front row doggy’ing a stuffed gator?

Henne, dead!
Hart, dead!
LLLLoyd, dead!!

Florida State Offensive Coordinater Jeff Bowdon resigned today, according to the AP.

That sucks for FL fans. Bowdon had to have been at least as bad as “Wild Bill” Diedrick.

One of the greatest posts ever!!!!! Only missing a faction that has overrun the student Library to “Check the sports scores and email….”

I KNEW that was a pattering of automatic rifle-fire waking me up this morning!

By the way, the BC fanbase has descended into a state of civil war over the fate of middling coach Tom O’Brien and his staff of cronies.

It is not that much a a stretch for me to imagine Tressel with his own Montagnard army.

Meanwhile, the Irish Republican Army is lurking on the outskirts of town, waiting to enter after the main battle concludes and finish off the victor. Speaking from between bites of cheesburger, their commander, Charles O’McWeis, promised a swift and painful end to the forces of “Bloody England, er, Sweatervest, er LLLoyd, er who the fuck cares, we’ll beat whoever survives!!”

No surrender, no surrender, no surrender to the IRA!

(Just joking… sort of…)

Unfortunately, the lounge known as Fabric has been gone awhile. But there’s a new swank hotspot called Lotus in the Brewery District…I think Mo Vaughn has been spotted there.

Re #7. Damnit. Consider my post duly amended.

You do know ND, um, didn’t exactly beat Michigan before?

As for tOSU… was it over when the Buckeyes bombed Pearl Harbor?

The networks wanted to move the game to 8 pm, but the Ohio National Guard, at a low ebb of manpower and field hospitals due to the war in Iraq, refused to guarantee civil order.

Btw, Aerobab, the chairs can be thought of as appetizers.

as always, you guys get it.

You couldn’t pay me to go to a game in Columbus…total shit hole. Nothing like a college game in the South.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PahHn2WxUlI

OK DC, you win. In honor of your valiant effort to resist us, please accept this large wooden horse as a token of our respect.

He’s a great man. Me, I’m a little man, but he is a great man.

The local convenience stores UDF (United Dairy Farmers) stopped selling bottled beer 3 weeks ago in an attempt to cut down on the beer bottles thrown at the police. Nice effort.

Wow, you know your town is lame when a Mo Vaughn sighting certifies a nightclub as the hot spot in the city…

Next up: Tito Landrum spotted at Mean Mr. Mustard’s!

What’s happened to the WWL man in Columbus…I want some SEC hooligans to take him down as part of the revolution! Kirk sux!!

tbmd96,

That doesn’t make you evil. That makes you a momma’s boy.

I believe it’s “The Republic of UzBuckistan” or TROU, with a capitalized “T,” and The Loyal People’s Army of UzBuckistan is shooting anyone on site who fails to use the word “The.”

And the campus radio station featuring "The Buckeye Confederation of Central Hayes-ia"? It’s actually just ESPN radio. I know it’s hard to tell the difference.

Great post. So glad I get my news from here instead of that self-righteous mob and CNN and FAUX. Do you know if the Walking 101 and Boiling Water 202 classes for this afternoon have been cancelled?

I’m sure, win or lose for tOSU, whatever happens will be much worse than armed militias. Anarchy is the only outcome. The city should evacuate hurricane style, all non-essential personnel should leave town. Hide the women and children etc. I think you forgot to mention the Georgia Karadimas lead tOSU Mechanized Cheer Militia which truly is the E’Spirit DeCorps. They undoubtedly will put fear in the administration’s heart. Its like the Columbus police said, “This happens on big games, so we were prepared for it” Lets just hope they are ready for the “Game of the Century” which I am sick of hearing already.

Are they requesting more of the “Big Fish” or do they want a real meal, like “The Whaler”?

mmmm…. Whaler….

Travel advisories are popping up everywhere….

OK DC, you win. In honor of your valiant effort to resist us, please accept this large wooden horse as a token of our respect.

Timeo Domeros et ferentes donas.

Also, note to self: unionist soccer chants not effective on college football blogs.

I am getting the hell out of Dodge for the weekend. Already a free roaming band of Buckeyes has left a desecrated raccoon corpse on my door step…and I didn’t even go to Michigan. Their soul-less eyes have been everywhere.

And BTW, I was at Lotus when Mo Vaughn was supposedly there, and he was most certainly NOT there. It was a private party.

More late-breaking news is available at the M-Zone.

http://michiganzone.blogspot.com/2006/11/breaking-news-crisis-in-columbus.html

pellee, did you really expect OSU fans to be able to tell Gold and Maize apart?

Now now, those reports are a bit hasty. Typically it’s Thursday night when the anarchy begins (jumping into Mirror Lake is probably the catalyst). After that, well yeah I think the above is a pretty good representation of what will happen.

I’m venturing out into the wild Saturday morning, selling my ticket for at least a grand, then retreating back into my safe house and praying the chaos doesn’t spill into nearby suburbs.

1. -

Holy shit. I am a spoiled tailgator… Gainesville is heaven.

Not to worry. All of the Michigan blogs indicate that Michigan is packing heat: “U-M campus police also will be available in Columbus to support our fans”.

While we’re on rivalries, here’s the latest from the Georgia – Georgia Tech folks:

http://www.suwaneebusinessalliance.org/news.asp

Look, if you were going to Columbus, you’d pack heat too. Place is infested with Israeli mafia.

“Subcomandante”? Orson – could you possibly be a Neal Pollack fan? If you’re not, you should be. That goes for all of you.

DC Trojan “Also, note to self: unionist soccer chants not effective on college football blogs.”

Never fear, someone here understood the Ingerland reference. Lousy time difference.

This just in, there are scattered reports of wild men clad only in tiger-skin jerkins and covered head to toe in red body paint have scaled the barricades of burning cars surrounding the city. These men, known only as “Hogs,” appear to be armed with tusked helmets and spiked bats and speak in a bizarre language consisting of only one word: “Sooey.”

Just figured out the OSU strategy for Saturday-“An AP Ballot in one hand and an Armalite in the other…”

1. Captain, that says it all my friend. Two student bodies of two schools summed up almost perfectly.

DC Trojan,

The only thing I remember hearing at a Chelsea match was a guy, looking like Larry from the Three Stooges, yelling “Fuck you ya’ fucking cunts, ya’ fucking wankers, ya’ fucking woolly woofter poofters” as the Wimbledon squad took the pitch.

It took every ounce of my being to not burst out laughing and end up like the Michigan fans watching The Game in Columbus in Mike’s (#24) video.

He’s a great man. Me, I’m a little man, but he is a great man.

Exterminate the Brutuses!

Simmo79: Never fear, someone here understood the Ingerland reference. Lousy time difference.

I feel better, though it’s not from being an Ingerland supporter: I come from a long-ish line of Glasgow Rangers supporters and sometimes the dark side of the old country comes out…

 SeaTrojan: The only thing I remember hearing at a Chelsea match was a guy, looking like Larry from the Three Stooges, yelling "Fuck you ya’ fucking cunts, ya’ fucking wankers, ya’ fucking woolly woofter poofters" as the Wimbledon squad took the pitch.

They got off lightly for being the opposition… a friend of mine who’s half-Dutch and half-Surinamer was a Chelsea fan when he was living in London in the Chelsea Head Hunter 80s. He’s a touch swarthy so he routinely heard “hoi paki, why don’t you pop out and get me some cigarettes”… from other Chelsea fans. Can’t you just feel the love?

This afternoon my girlfriend and I walked through the soon-to-be-demolished Ohio Union for lunch, and athletic boosters had a huge banner out that would be hung in front of the football team as they ran out the tunnel Saturday. Giving it my best Conan O’Brien attempt at humor, I wrote “O-H! LOL. Love, Henry” in big print, and then very smally, near the banner’s orginally printed text, scribbled in “Go Irish.”

It’s probably been detected by now, but still…

DC Trojan,

I vividly remember the racial sensitivity shown to the black players from Wimbledon. I was in a state of shock the first ten minutes of being in the SRO crowd (before the seating requirements were implemented).

Ahh, Chelsea supporters were well loved by the publicans who routinely had their establishments ransacked by them.

Take the Skinheads bowling, take them bowling.

I’m an Auburn backer. I’ve hated the U of A my whole life. I think Tuscaloosa is a dump and the Bama nation has no class. After seeing the video of Columbus….I think I may have been wrong about T-town and the Tide fans.

Great Shocka -

I thought you were kidding about fetching a grand for your ticket so I ckecked stubhub. Your not kidding! Just hope currency is still valid after the game.

Reports from Ohio:

From a concerned citizen in Cleveland:

Couches are afire as far north as Cleveland! Blue-clad Lloyd Carr effiges are hanging from numerous bridges. No one is even pretending to work. A gang calling themselves “The Vesties”, recognizable by their grey sweater vests, has been terrorizing communities north of Toledo by leaving the carcasses of wolverines in places where even the dim-witted inhabitants of that region cannot fail to notice them.

Menawhile a report from Worthington, just north of Columbus and adjacent to Dublin, Ohio:

I have been in touch with sub-commandant Wayne, supplying his band with contraband bottles of Natural Light beer. Wayne tells me that the Irish Republican Army, led by UberLord Weis and assisted by the traitor Quinn, have taken a position in Dublin where they have been welcomed by the misguided natives. They are holed up in St. Bridgette’s of Kildare church and are waiting to storm down into Columbus after the game to take on the Wolverines or the Vesties, depending on who wins. My wife and I have filled the bathtub with water and have stored canned goods in the basement. My Ak-47 has plenty of ammo to deal with whatever horrors appear, rumor has it that Gators have been seen swimming beneath the placid waters of the Olentangy. It is Armageddon on the plains of Central Ohio. God help us.

#45

I caught it.

It looks like game day at tOSU has changed since I was there. I remember a pretty heavy police presence in the area on game day. I usually went to the parking lot of the Holiday Inn by the stadium where they’d sell beer by the bucket and the same band (The Danger Brothers) would play every game.

There are also some nice civilized areas on campus for pre-game activities, but it wasn’t the point of that video to show those.

i love how in c-bus, as they call it, you can simply buy a shirt that says FUCK MICHIGAN in big letters…classy.

Check this website out if you hate michigan

http://buckeyefansonly.com/notsun/

Bigger shithole….Columbus, Cleveland or Cincinnati…?

I say the mistake by the lake takes the cake with this one…at least Cincinnati has hills and mountains to deflect your attention away from all the blight

mmm… chocolate buckeye… someone stop by the Buckeye Cafe and put one on ice to send to me before the place burns to the ground…

There have been terrible storms in the south today… some are saying it’s the Janju"weed" on their way up from Gainsville to await the survivors… if there are any.

You can joke about this, but local Columbus TV news last night spotlighted spotlighted garbage crews cleaning up couches and mattresses from the alleys around OSU.

Gotta get those flammables out before the big weekend.

Is this a football game, or the rapture? And do the fans realize the difference?