THE PERFECT METAPHOR: FSU AS BERNIE
The Itch thinks FSU has become Weekend At Bernie’s. That might be giving the program too much credit at this point, since Bernie could waterski, and we’re pretty sure that Bobby Bowden can’t do that at this point.
As they point out, not a single one of the picks FSU’s qbs threw was anywhere near a receiver. Not even close. These were Neil O’Donnell-worthy picks, truly works of brilliance. At one pont Weatherford tossed a pick to a lineman in coverage, who looked like hippo who’d found a particularly tasty hunk of rivergrass and was sprinting to shore to keep the others away from it.
What’s their recruiting pitch now for qbs?
–”You’ll definitely get lots of cardio playing with us.”
–”CSTV has plenty of open jobs for you after graduation.”
–”If you love the jump ball and the square in, well, you’ll love us.”
–”You ever seen the run and shoot? Imagine that without the run.”
–”Secretly convinced that despite your successes you’re actually a failure waiting to happen? Dream, meet reality.”
–”FSU: where qbs learn tackling very, very well.”
Tackling: a skill essential for the FSU quarterback.
Vile nepotism come home to roost. Smells like…well, vile nepotism, actually. Kind of a burnt smell with a toxic, burned rubber edge.









1
hazer says:
Nice tackle by the Weatherford in that picture. You know it’s bad when the quarterback shows more improvement in his tackling ability than passing.
November 13th, 2006 at 12:12 pm
2
Joe says:
He may not be able to waterski but I’m sure he’s got plenty of excuses as to why he’s not able to. It’s got to be the boat’s fault or the skis’. Maybe the guy driving the boat – it’s certainly got nothing to do with him. Hell, he’s won some waterskiing competitions, he’ll show the trophies. But not to worry he knows exactly what’s wrong and he’ll be back to performing tricks at Callaway Gardens in no time.
God this is awful. 30-0. At home. To Wake f’ing Forest. Shoot me in the face.
November 13th, 2006 at 12:13 pm
3
DHC says:
Expect cheap shots, late hits, atrociously one-sided officiating and general thuggery on Nov. 25.
I am.
November 13th, 2006 at 12:31 pm
4
Aerobab says:
Looks like the UND Fightin’ Sioux has started nippin’ the NCAA’s bitchery in the bud. (Temporary) score right now:
Fightin Sioux: 1
NCAA: 0
November 13th, 2006 at 12:32 pm
5
Doug says:
I know respect has to be paid to Bobby Bowden for what he’s accomplished for the FSU program, but is there ANYONE left who can say he should be allowed to keep Jeff on as OC for as long as he wants? If he keeps Jeff after this season, isn’t he basically putting his loyalty to his son ahead of what’s good for the program? And is there a company in America that would tolerate that kind of attitude?
If I’m the FSU president or AD, then I sit down with Bobby after this season and tell him, “Either Jeff goes, or you both do.” And fuck what the pundits say. If Bobby is willing to let the program slide into mediocrity just so that sonny can continue getting a paycheck, the school has every reason to can his ass.
November 13th, 2006 at 12:39 pm
6
Phil K. says:
Nepotism smells like Ohio?
November 13th, 2006 at 12:49 pm
7
balonymous says:
TK will absolutely never have the conversation envisioned in comment 5, and Doug Hart simply has no say in the matter. He’s the anti-Foley.
November 13th, 2006 at 1:33 pm
8
tzubear says:
Brilliant Phil K.
November 13th, 2006 at 1:50 pm
9
damgator says:
smash the stained glass, melt the statue, and rip up the sod, cause somebody’s gonna make cheese sandwich in FSU’s kitchen. again.
November 13th, 2006 at 2:08 pm
10
BDoc says:
Not only did I get to see FSU get shutout at home by Wake Freakin’ Forest, but I also got to see those ESPN talking heads proven wrong after they all agreed that “FSU wouldn’t lose because they have too much talent and have never lost at home to Wake Forest”. There’s a first time for everything!
Hopefully, UF can actually put up some points against the Catamounts(a fancy way to say “mountain lion”), and I’ll get back from Gainesville in time to see Cal beat the hell out of USC.
November 13th, 2006 at 2:15 pm
11
Blue says:
If Bobby doesn’t think he needs to make any staff changes after this season, then the FSU administration needs to write him a big “get the hell out of here” check and move on to someone new.
November 13th, 2006 at 2:17 pm
12
Socraticsilence says:
Man, who’d have thought that beating Vandy would be more impressive than a win in Tallahassee.
November 13th, 2006 at 2:21 pm
13
Socraticsilence says:
Honestly though FSU might cost us a national title game birth (though I just have this strange 96′ type feeling about destiny this year. I mean everytime a team pops up and passes us, boom they go down the next week.)
November 13th, 2006 at 2:23 pm
14
Socraticsilence says:
Last week I thought a Spurrier Bowden Bowl rematch might be interesting but now I’m pretty sure it’d just be kinda sad (not that Steve would have mercy, that’s for the weak).
November 13th, 2006 at 2:25 pm
15
brain says:
It resembles the crumbling of the Roman Empire.
November 13th, 2006 at 2:28 pm
16
rusty says:
Orson, however fun it is to watch FSU thrash around like a hippopotamus in a vat of acid, it still doesn’t get the foul taste of 1993 out of my mouth. For that, he’ll need to keep little Jeffy around for one more wonderful year.
November 13th, 2006 at 3:03 pm
17
Mr. Wrong says:
Sweep the leg!
November 13th, 2006 at 3:10 pm
18
MassDad says:
They put up a statue of St. Bobby before he’s dead. No wait…
November 13th, 2006 at 4:23 pm
19
Mr. Fumbles says:
This game could possibly be the best NCAA football match-up this season. Think of it this way; WR- Minningham(M) vs. Ginn (OSU), the nations most dangerous players when it comes to catching a football. Then you got Troy Smith and Chad Henne. Mike Hart will have a say somewhere, sometime. For the Wolverines this game means everything, and if your Ohio State this game means everything when trying to preserve the National Title.
November 13th, 2006 at 4:49 pm
20
Ed-Hoo says:
Not “Bernie–” Tis the season! Think “Christmas Story…” Think Ralphie Parker pounding Scut Farkus until he cries… Yeah, it was like that.
I wore a WFU sweatshirt to the gym tonight (in Virginia Beach)–I could swear the folks in Virginia Tech wear tokk a half step back as I strode by…
November 13th, 2006 at 9:01 pm
21
NoleinTexas says:
Good Christ, is there a worse coached BCS conference team in the country? Hell, any conference. Bowden has a lot of players to apologize to for costing them a significant amount of $$$ – Leon Washington chief among them.
I picked a good day to start sniffing glue.
November 14th, 2006 at 9:36 am