Above all else, the Devil cannot stand to be mocked.

–C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters.

Rule 3-2-5e, the rule shortening games, is a stinking abomination on the game of college football. Worse still, it wasn’t even proposed and approved in a manner consistent with logic, sense, rule, fairness, or the slightest shred of intelligence. It hasn’t even been defended coherently, either, since the people behind its inception a.) don’t seem to understand what they’ve done, or b.) understand fully, and don’t care to make a scene by airing the dirty truth of the game in public, which is that it makes this “amateur” game a more telegenic and manageable product for networks.

It’s reduced the amount of football every fan of the game sees by six percent or so. This may seem inconsequential when you’re talking about football, but we here at EDSBS are awfully touchy about the margins people live and die by. (If you saw our car, you’d understand why.) You’d miss six percent of your paycheck, right? Okay, well if your six hours on the couch each Saturday are a benefit of your working your ass off all week, you just had your benefits reduced by six percent. If you prefer another metaphor, you’re getting six percent less content for the time and energy you invest in sending your wife/husband on elaborate errands, getting up super early to mow the lawn, or faking your own death for ten hours in order to disappear to the bar for a tripleheader.

All of this leads us to nominate Bret Bielema for EDSBS Man of the Year. Rather than stump against the inane, craven rule–Bielema did what we’d do: mocked it. Watch the offsides kickoff to see the kind of giant, dinosaur sized smartassdom that must have roamed the earth in the Jurassic age of sarcasm. The coach who does not do this as an act of civil disobedience at the end of the half may begin the second half wearing a pink dress and a sun bonnet. (Mangino. You’re welcome.)

(The crew here may be our new favorite: Nessler, Danielson, and McGuire. Nessler booms the play by play, Danielson gives the analysis, and McGuire is free to be a crank, which is what he excels at.)

Bret Bielema, we salute you.