The most terrifying bits of absolutely evil but necessary information that will haunt you for the rest of the late morning/early afternoon. Call a priest…if you dare.

–Charlie Weis manages to be completely horrifying, even in a puff piece on 60 Minutes. Follow linkage to listen to Weis as he’s possessed by spirits, spits malignant incantations on inept underlings, and works black magic on the sidelines in his attempt to reanimate the corpse of Notre Dame football. It’s aliiiiiive!!!


I send the players on the field! That’s my job.

–The tasty meat of Big Ten deep threat and its dark secret returns to your football plate sooner than expected: Mario Manningham to return. His dark secret? HE’S MADE OF PEOPLE!!! PEOPLE I TELL YOU…

–Another person gets drunk and dies at the Cocktail Party, bringing the grand, bloody total of the menace posed by the game to…three people over the past three years, meaning that the scourge of lightning still poses a greater danger to the combined student bodies of UGA and UF than drinking at the cocktail party. What are you doing to protect the student body against the scourge of lightning, Michael Adams? Huh?

–Rich Rodriguez kind of sort of is everyone’s boyfriend right now. UNC wants him, FSU wants him, Miami’s batting eyelashes, he’s not exactly turning the whole idea down. A murderous backwoods betrayal lurks if he really is thinking of leaving his alma mater! Where you goin’ city boy?


You ain’t leaving West Virginia, boy.

–Bruins Nation may be overshooting on their short list for coaches, but hey, you gotta dream, right? Unless a murderous, finger-bladed madman is stalking your dreams, that is…

–Urban stumps for Florida, since that’s what you have to do when there’s no playoff or fair way of comparing teams at the end of the season…unless you count the many armed beast who cannot be named who you may call the BCS…Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn…

–Speaking of monstrous tentacles…that’s some gnarly math you got there. (Cue math geek saying “that’s not so bad” in 3…2…1…)

–The spectre of the On Notice Board returns! Once your name is written on it, you will die in 24 hours unless you spread the curse to someone else by creating your own!*

Settle down. That curse is an extremely flexible one.

–San Diego State suffers the Curse Of the Former Bob Stoops Assistant As Your Head Coach! This only confirms that he is the Daywalker, and will suck your talent dry before tossing you to a struggling program to flail.

–The undead rise! They need no sleep, or people skills, actually.

–A Rutgers blog? And a Baylor one too that compares A&M to North Korea? Shocking monsters on this internet, indeed! Information beasts…truly the food of the gods…


This one’s for you, TCOAN.

*Margin of error=+/- 100 years.