WEEKEND IN REVIEW THREE: TREVOR MATICH IS LARGE EDITION
by Orson on Oct 30, 2006 2:50 PM EST
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PrintVarious other notes from around a weekend of football watching.
Nature over nurture, example one: [NAME REDACTED.] The most dangerous game for exactly two quarters this coming week will be Illinois versus Ohio State, because the Illini will take the field, go up by at least ten points, and convince every gullible soul in eye's reach that they are about to pull the upset of the century against Ohio State. (Century only 6 years old--really all that great a statement?--ed. )
Then they will attempt to run out the clock, play a soft zone, and surrender no less than thirty points to Ohio State in a soul-crushing defeat involving two or three strategy decisions of such dubious judgment that Ray Goff will fall from his sofa at home. Which is precisely what we would have told Wisconsin fans when they fell behind 24-10 to the Illini: you've got them right where you want them, boys.
Well-developed triceps. The brain, not so much.
It's astonishing how little a coach can learn about game management and strategy despite having years of ineffective performances by his units as evidence. Then again, perhaps he's just three or four plays away from winning, or sees improvement. Or maybe he just needs his players. Or this is just 'noise in the system.'
Ohio State fans, just remember: a ten point deficit at the half is ideal, as it all but guarantees a win against the Illini. Nature triumphs nurture again, at least when the waterskiing wonder of Champaign-Urbana's flexing his guns in a vain attempt to stop the opposition from gouging his defense in the fourth.
--Terry Hoeppner's Hoosiers don't even make it funny against Michigan State, beating them 46-21 with most of MSU's points racked up in lackadaisical garbage time scoring. Cue inevitable leap to plaudits and bowl predictions: Indiana's last three games are: at Minnesota, Michigan, and Purdue. Minnie and Purdue were both bowl-circling also-rans a month ago, which means Indiana could probably defeat both. They will have to face Michigan, a game where pain will visit them in previously unimagined ways. So they break 2-1, end up 7-5, and go to a bowl game. If that astonishing feat and kicking a tumor's ass does not win Terry Hoeppner some variety of coaching award, we will be forced to drive to Bloomington and give him a pie we baked ourselves.
Mark our words: we're sending Terry a pie if doesn't get coach of the year.
--Missouri's ballyhoo and fooferaw evaporates against an Oklahoma team that wasn't going to take any nonsense. But the grass on the hill in Columbia looked to be an especially deep shade of verdant green, y'all: game ball to the groundskeepers.
--The Chris Rix Award for Colorblind Interception Throwing for 2006 may have to go to Brent Schaeffer, who can toss ballcrushing interceptions of disastrous timing with the best of them this year. He did so against Auburn on Saturday, turning confidently off a play fake and zinging a beautiful ball directly to a waiting Auburn linebacker at a time in the game when Auburn really felt the evil spectre of the Orgeron threatening to stuff them in his sack o' dead varmints 'n whatnot. We like qbs who throw picks with gusto: not just piddly floaters that flop into opponents' hands, but bullets tossed right into the chest of stunned defenders. The kind of throw even quarterbacks think about like, "yeah, it was a pick. But I threw the shit out of it, didn't I?"
Brent Schaeffer, you throw them with pride, son. Almost Brock Berlin-esque, actually.
Throws 'em with gusto: Brent SchaeFFAH!!
--Trevor Matich should frighten you. Last week, the in-booth shots of Matich, Gilmore, and, um, Whathisname the announcer moved Matich, who must be 8'7" in his massive slippers, moved Matich away from the foreground and into the background, where for a single night he appeared to be merely huge. This week Matich was back in the foreground for the Rutgers/UConn game, and poor Rodney Gilmore looked like a seven-year old next to Matich, who loomed so large in the frame he appeared to be angrily eyeing our beer through the television. (Really, dude. Please. Take it and stop staring.)
--Colt McCoy, despite having a fake name, may be the best qb in the Big 12, if you like shiny numbers. (Oh, and we do.) While BON might say that Graham Harrell's numbers are a product of the system, they're still huge numbers; Tech turned the first half of the Texas/Texas Tech game into an ABA game, and then found themselves bound at every turn by some knot the Texas coaching staff had tied them in at halftime. Texas simply settled down, ran the hell out of the ball, and did what good teams do against Mike Leach: stay disciplined and focus on the guys who hadn't touched the ball in the first half.
McCoy was beyond...well, just plain beyond: 256 yards, 4 tds, and 68 yards rushing just because he could. He may set the record for Texas passing tds this year as a freshman. All of that and he doesn't even dance like Vince Young did, and has made no additions to his coach's iPod. Mack Brown just recruited this awesome preschooler out of Lubbock, too. You've got to see his mechanics to believe them.
You haven't heard of Tyrus Stedler yet...but Mack Brown has.
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And let’s not forget, let’s not forget that Bama struggled for two quarters against FIU’s second string!
by hazer on Oct 30, 2006 2:57 PM EST reply actions
actually, i think we’ll just not let illinois score at all instead. maybe not as entertaining, but at this point in the season there’s really no need to dick around.
and yeah, if hoeppner gets indiana into a bowl game, his bloomington harem had better begin to rival Tressel’s in c-bus.
by stinky pete on Oct 30, 2006 3:06 PM EST reply actions
Orson or a Texas fan,
Did anyone else notice that Colt McCoy has a special water bottle on the sidelines?
One of the UT assistants had a bunch of Gatorade bottles but pulled out some special four-oz. bottle of H2O for Colt. I’m sure its filled with the water of the lake McCoy saved a man’s life in, but I’m still disappointed.
This needs to be investigated; anyone with a name like Colt McCoy should either be drinking from a:
a. communal Gatorade bottle like everyone else
b. well he dug by himself during the third quarter
c. fifth of Maker’s Mark, or
d. crystal pitcher poured by the daughters of a West Texas oil barron
I can’t respect the Longhorns until this is answered.
by AUAlum on Oct 30, 2006 3:24 PM EST reply actions
The bottle contains “Essence of Vince”. Alternatively, McCoy gets milk and cookies after every TD.
What will we ever do without your respect, AuAlum?!?
by Orangeblood on Oct 30, 2006 3:33 PM EST reply actions
nc state lost to Virgina?!? as in al groh crew-neck wearing Virginia?!? Chuck Amato’s fucked!
by U-Dub Dish on Oct 30, 2006 3:34 PM EST reply actions
Has anyone noticed how Rod Gilmore winks at the camera when the announcing crew is being introduced at the beginning of a broadcast? Rod says, “Don’t hate the playa, hate the game.”
by Paco on Oct 30, 2006 3:44 PM EST reply actions
I definitely respect the Horns and I’ll always be a big Chizik fan.
I should have said “I hope someone can answer this question for me because I have never seen a quarterback with a different water bottle, thank you in advance” but I was hoping my threat would encourage a quicker response.
by AUAlum on Oct 30, 2006 3:47 PM EST reply actions
Chizik is great. We thank you for him and will cut the tendons behind his knees so he can’t run away.
by Orangeblood on Oct 30, 2006 3:49 PM EST reply actions
The not fun answer to the Colt McCoy special drink question is: Pedialyte.
Fun answers (some stolen from other places):
-Concentrated VY sweat
-Liquid clutch
-Tears collected from the crying sooner kid
by Chris on Oct 30, 2006 3:50 PM EST reply actions
Anybody that tells the truth about Ron Zook is a friend of mine. Jeez I’m having so much fun watching him now that he’s not our coach anymore. When I think of the Zooker two words pop into my brain:
excitable meathead.
I challenge anybody to come up with a better two word description. As a short term reader of this blog (but hopelessly addicted) I know there’s a lot of smart and funny people out there. So the gauntlet has been thrown down.
by FishFan-GatorMan on Oct 30, 2006 3:50 PM EST reply actions
Special Drink? Maybe it was some of that Excellence that Steve Spurrier Pisses?
by Panhandler on Oct 30, 2006 3:52 PM EST reply actions
One of the UT assistants had a bunch of Gatorade bottles but pulled out some special four-oz. bottle of H2O for Colt.
Colt McCoy is drinking Mickey’s on the sideline. BZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
Jesus was Rockne’s copilot.
by Cool Hand Mike on Oct 30, 2006 3:54 PM EST reply actions
With a name like Colt McCoy the only thing he should be drinking on the sidelines (in preperation for post-college endorsement)….
Malt Lik-KA !!!
by Futbawl Fan on Oct 30, 2006 3:58 PM EST reply actions
Tears from the crying sooner kid…that was a good one!
by Orangeblood on Oct 30, 2006 4:03 PM EST reply actions
Incidentally, Rece Davis earned another hundred cool points this weekend by mimicking “Brent SHAEFFAH!” from the Coach O Song during post-game highlights.
by Will Collier on Oct 30, 2006 4:07 PM EST reply actions
I was at that Indiana-Michigan State game, and it was the first time all year that Indiana actually looked damn impressive. After their first 4 games, I would never have guessed they’d beat both Iowa and Michigan State. If they had been playing like this all year, they’d be 7-2 right now instead of 5-4.
a couple things of note from the game:
Lots of trash on the field (not just Michigan State’s offense and defense). It was windy as hell.
Numerous objects were thrown at Sparty, and I believe one or two hit one of the people walking with him.
80% of IU’s student body was drunk before the game started (at noon)
There was also an eerie chill, knowing that I was watching a former national powerhouse getting embarrassed by a team that hasn’t had a winning record since 1994.
by wtfhoosiers on Oct 30, 2006 6:02 PM EST reply actions
I remember thinking it was childish to have the “Fire Ron Zook” stuff before he even coached a game. But when I saw that trick play at the end of the Citrus Bowl against (Michigan?), the WTF look by Rex Grossman was priceless AND informative. I think Rex declared for the draft a few days later.
by SeaTrojan on Oct 30, 2006 6:57 PM EST reply actions
I meant “Fire [NAME REDACTED]”. My apologies.
by SeaTrojan on Oct 30, 2006 7:00 PM EST reply actions
If you thought the first halves against Duke and FIU were classic, just wait until Bama plays Mississippi State to a 3-3 halftime tie before winning 10-6. Then comes what can only be described as a glorious ass-kicking by LSU. Yeah, I’d like the Tide to be competitive in Baton Rouge, but when you see the Bengal Tigers at the top of the conference in offense and defense, it makes you cringe to think of the final score. Actually, it’d be more true to form for the final to be 19-16, lost in the final five minutes. What a year.
by Newspaper Hack on Oct 30, 2006 7:46 PM EST reply actions
A thread over at hornfans points out that Colt currently has 24 TD passes, and the NCAA freshman record is 29. Colt could easily break that record before the regular season is over (Okie St, KSU, and the hideous pass defense of A$M remain). He’d then have the presumable Big XII title game and certain bowl game to add to the total.
Sweet!
by KongHorn on Oct 30, 2006 8:39 PM EST reply actions
Yeah, Colt will have to pull a trick not to get 5 or 6 TDs in the next 3 games.
He’s already got the NCAA record for TDs in a game (6 – tied with 2 others).
But BON’s review of Big 12 QBs left off Reid, whose efficiency ratings are actually better than Colt’s.
by Squishy on Oct 30, 2006 11:16 PM EST reply actions
If you liked Brent Schaeffer, you’ll love Brad Johnson.
by Phil K. on Oct 31, 2006 12:39 AM EST reply actions
Many of McCoy’s touchdown passes even came against college teams!
by Phil K. on Oct 31, 2006 12:45 AM EST reply actions
re: #22
"Colt could easily break that record before the regular season is over (Okie St, KSU, and the hideous pass defense of A$M remain). "
Just imagine how many TDs McCoy could pass for playing against the swiss-cheese that masquerades as the longhorn secondary this year.
re: #23
6 TD passes isn’t an NCAA record, it isn’t even a Big 12 record.
Texas Tech’s B.J. Symons owns the Big 12 record, with 8 TD passes against A&M in 2003.
Dustin Long is second, with 7 against Tech in 2002.
by Beergut on Oct 31, 2006 3:35 AM EST reply actions
When the Longhorns give up long TDs, they do it with 4 DBs. A$M trots out 5 DBs and still sucks royally.
by KongHorn on Oct 31, 2006 9:09 AM EST reply actions
6 TDs is tied for the NCAA freshman record.
against aggy he will surely set a new freshman record as he shoots frightning fiery lightning bolts from his ass and freezes aggy DB’s with his icy glare.
by Ankf00 on Oct 31, 2006 9:57 AM EST reply actions
Terry Hoeppner deserves some love from Indiana like what Captain Sweatervest gets from the administration and fans of tOSU. I swear, if Hoeppner can make Indiana competitive—Hell, if he can make the program attractive enough to keep the 1/2 dozen GOOD football players from Indiana from going to UM or tOSU every year—I’ll weep with joy for him. They guy’s got big, brass balls and deserves some accolades for what he’s done at a school that, honestly, really, usually couldn’t give a rat’s ass about its footbaw program.
Good job, Terry! Keep it up!!
by Miller on Oct 31, 2006 12:56 PM EST reply actions
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