TOP TEN REASONS GEORGIA OWNS FLORIDA
Yes, it’s been fifteen years since this match was consistently competitive. But take a look at the positives: this year, it’s like it always was, just with a powerful sponsor emphasis on sobriety! In Jacksonville! YOU’LL ALL BE SOBER…AND IN JACKSONVILLE!!! WOO!!!
President Flair’s comment: WOO!!!
To cheer up the glum Georgia fans who believe that a decade and a half of pain will turn 16 years old on Saturday, get its driver’s license, and then run over them with mom’s SUV, we present these reasons why Georgia, even in defeat, still owns Florida. Never say we didn’t give you anything, Georgia, besides our income tax, of course.
10. Governor with redneck name actually resembles redneck, unlike Jeb!, who resembles you your sophomore year in college once the beer weight kicked in.
More Gravy please! Advantage: Georgia.
9. UGA’s big trick: rolling on back, looking adorable. Albert the Alligator’s big trick: eating your niece. Advantage: Georgia. (Unless your niece happened to deserve it. You never know.)
8. UGA has a definite advantage in zazzy qb names. Use the trio test to illustrate:
Zeier, Bobo, and Shockley: badass progressive rock trio that once made rock opera about an android army that couldn’t defeat one enemy: love.
Wuerffel, Bell, and Grossman: a law firm in Palm Beach specializing in motorcycle-on-motorcycle accidents and panther-related law. Advantage: Georgia.
7. Red and Black goes with just about anything, and can be worn in many seasons and situations. Orange and Blue only matches skin tones associated with severe parasitic infections, cholera, or with dementia praecox. Tim Gunn Fashion Points: Georgia.
6. Firing an AR-15 in an apartment complex might, just might earn someone a suspension at the University of Georgia. Advantage: Georgia.
5. Athens contains the highest concentration of bars in a single urban area for a town of its size in the nation. Gainesville has the Top and…the Top and…TGI Friday’s.
4. Atlanta is the city too busy too hate. Miami is the city that just fucking hates you and wants you to die, cabron, die die die. Advantage: Georgia.
3. Georgia is to Ludacris as Florida is to…Creed. Chicken ‘n Beer, Georgia.
2. Georgia: largely illiterate population preys on local grouse, deer, and squirrels.
Florida: largely illiterate population preys on gullible, senile retirees and tourists.
There’s your cheesecake for the day, bitches.Advantage: Georgia.
1. Mark Richt: adopts two Ukranian orphans out of the kindness of his heart.
Urban Meyer: would likely eat two Ukranian orphans to win an SEC championship.
Advantage: Richt, but barely.
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25
say what you will. we are still the champions. you backward assed peach eating inbred cornfed brain dead rednecks.
Comment by trey — January 16, 2007 @ 2:03 pm
24
When I worked at UGA, my immedeate supervisor originally worked at Florida. She told us the worst part of working for Florida was the color issue. At official functions, she had to wear school-colored business suits. It’s a lot easier to find a black businnes dress with a little bit of red to accent it than it is to find that color blue dress and then find something bright orange to accent it.
I don’t neccessarily (heart) TGI Friday’s but it’s a decent place to eat. My big problem with them the same problem I have with Applebee’s: I’ll finally find something on the menu I like and then it’s gone next time I’m there. And what is it with folks and how “authentic” a place is? Do you only eat at Mexican food restaurants where you can’t drink the water? Authentic to which part of Italy? No two dishes are alike, even from one family member to the next. I do (heart) the Garden and don’t have a problem saying so. I don’t care how authentic the food is. I just care how good it tastes. And while Olive Garden isn’t the best Italian food I’ve ever had, they are consistently good from one location to the next.
Comment by Dante — October 27, 2006 @ 10:41 am
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I guess the areas where my grandpa had vacation homes weren’t indicative. My view of Miami is a lush paradise rich as can be with great golf, women and nightlife.
Comment by Brutus — October 26, 2006 @ 6:07 pm
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Brutus,
Miami is a shithole because if you take a wrong exit off I-95 on a Sunday morning dressed in your best church duds and have a bible on your front seat, you still have a 50-50 chance of getting a cap in your head.
If this happened in Atlanta, there’s a 50-50 chance that you’d actually get invited to church.
Comment by DirkDawggler — October 26, 2006 @ 10:51 am
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As a Florida boy, I do not consider North Cuba , Coral Cheese, and the rest of the southern part of our fine state, or for that matter Tallacrapie and Creed, representative of the flagship university of the state of Florida. Go Gators! Dawgs lick nuts!
Comment by spanky — October 25, 2006 @ 10:30 pm