Real life is totally interfering with the blogging thing today, so we’ll make this a Supermarionated edition of Blogtoberfest today, packing as much spurious content into a single bulleted piece as possible to save the world from the forces of chaos. Ready? F.A.B!
–Clay Travis gets access to someone who calls himself “Chancellor” who does not, in fact, live under an overpass and claim to be controlled by chips implanted in his head by the Tennessee Athletic Department. How this happened, we’ll never know, but as usual it’s quality.
–Louisville suspends two reservish wideouts for adding yet another explosive element to Louisville’s offense: paintballs fired at high speed at total strangers exiting a local haunted house. Petrino says their behavior is unacceptable, and that when he takes whatever his job will be next year, he’s definitely not taking these guys with him. (We kid! Petrino’s not going anywhere. For the next five minutes.)
–The Bunting sweepstakes begins! This article must be crap, because Rich Rodriguez isn’t leaving for anything less than a behemoth of a program, not Mack Brown’s step-up gig. Butch Davis, though? Retread with cred does sound ideal for a second-tier program whose chief drawback is wearing the color baby blue out onto the field of battle.
–The Orgeron punishes players for “undisclosed violations,” less because we think he’s concerned with discipline, but more because the moon’s in the House of Menkolatas’ Six Horned Goat right now, and his demon overlords demand sacrifices and demand them now. We have an idea what those players look like right now, if memory serves us correctly:
–Lonely Planet makes great guidebooks, especially their short phrasebooks for tourists. Our favorite is the “Coachatu” dialect book. John Bunting appears to have purchased one, and is practicing in public. Listen to his excellent pronunciation here:
“I’m not sure how much football I’ll coach (after this), if any,” he said. “Because this is the place I wanted to be. And we’re this close.”
“We’re this close.” The sad cry of frustrated wives and coaches the nation round.
–The Gators lose defensive lineman Javier Estopinan for the season to the letters ACL. Estopinan had appeared to be a fave of Meyer’s, and had played progressively increasing snaps on the d-line. Shame.
–Speaking of Gators, Andy Staples endorses our idea for the non-alcoholic, family-friendly name for the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. In case this slipped your mind, see the very buyable, high-quality product from EDSBS labs below. In addition to being barely witty, it’s also bulletproof.*
*not true, actually.
–CBS and ESPN have agreed to forego any references to the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. Boys! We have the name! Imagine the mellifluous tones of Verne Lundquist saying the words “coke orgy.” It’s just too simple, really.
–House Rock Built says a guy at UCLA’s got what you need, and you say he’s just a friend.
–T.Kyle dares to get bullish on Clemson, forgetting that a. They’re coached by Tommy Bowden, and b. they’re in the ACC, and will finish the season with at least two losses by definition. Oh, and their uniforms look like Olympic Dancers from the Turino games opening ceremonies, minus flaming helmets. Though that would be badass if you could wear them…
–Pat Dye says that Tebow is a freak, but a freshman freak who cannot start yet. Pat Dye would also like to remind you that apples are red, Arsenio Hall is so done, and that his drink isn’t going to refill itself now, sonny, so chop chop, son.
–FIRE KARL DORRELL! FIRE KARL DORRELL! FIRE KARL DORRELL! And furthermore…FIRE KARL DORRELL!
Oh yea… and an LSU coach is arrested for giving an agent the hook up.
–Finally, via The Best Week Ever and Dogtown Gator: Jhoon Rhee self defense. Nobody bothers me…especially when you kick their ass like Tony Jaa. (Had the Youtube up, but it’s doing something evil to the site. Click through, so that no one will bother you.)
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