WE BELIEVE IN A THING CALLED LOVE. EVEN WHEN IT WEARS A MULLET.
As an editorial position of EDSBS, we’d like to state for the record that we believe in love, and not just for people we’d like to see naked. No, we believe in love for all, even for the ugly, homely, undereducated, diseased, unkempt, addicated, violent, and antisocial. We even believe in love for the fans of the University of Tennessee, though we certainly don’t care to imagine them consummating their bond on a heavily (very) reinforced matress. (Hello, frightening scene from Sideways 2: The Mechanic’s Revenge.)
You cynics look away, because you’re about to see true love if you click through to see the tale of two Alabama fans who found happiness via the internet. (One of many fine prescription drugs available via the internet at sketchyjuarezpharmacy.com. Gracias for el effexor, amigos! To view the video, click on “related videos.”)
You may point and laugh, but dammit, there’s something going right in a society where two people may find each other online, meet, and still get married in an empty stadium after seeing each other’s…”ironic” hairstyles.
The part that should hurt Crimson Tide fans: the couple, shortly after getting married, drove to the nearby Holiday Inn Express, where they scored two more times than the Crimson Tide did against Tennessee on Saturday. The part that really hurts: half the married people reading this had Corinthians in their wedding, too. Don’t lie–we did.
Why Mike Judge understands the soul of this nation more than you ever will.
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1
gamecocktony says:
Wow. There’s ugly and then there is those two people.
May God have mercy on their (and our) souls.
October 23rd, 2006 at 3:12 pm
2
Tater Salad says:
Dammit. I was really hoping you guys wouldn’t find this one. Damn that Fox 6.
As one friend commented to me, “Ceremony in the front, reception in the back.” Sad thing is, I think it applies to bride and groom alike. Got 12?
October 23rd, 2006 at 3:16 pm
3
Will Collier says:
[nelsonmuntz]
HA-Ha!
[/nelsonmuntz]
October 23rd, 2006 at 3:23 pm
4
NewAZTiger says:
Tater Salad, you didn’t think I’d let a gem like that slip, did you?
I particularly like the UAB Blazers logo. Nice touch…
October 23rd, 2006 at 3:29 pm
5
NewAZTiger says:
Orson, I don’t think they stayed at the Holiday Inn Express. If they did, they would’ve coached Bama to Victory over the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man and his Pumpkinated legions.
I’m thinking Motel 6 – where they leave the lights on for ya (cause you gotta dig that shag carpet, man.)
October 23rd, 2006 at 3:33 pm
6
Run Up The Score says:
Does “Got Twelve” refer to Bama’s offensive output?
October 23rd, 2006 at 3:53 pm
7
Learned Hand says:
im high, sitting in my property class, and just looked at this…. then laughed out loud. the professor looked over, but i stared on with confidence
October 23rd, 2006 at 3:58 pm
8
Paco says:
“Got Twelve” actually refers to the total number of teeth between the two of them.
October 23rd, 2006 at 3:58 pm
9
NewAZTiger says:
It could also refer to the number of inches in the bride’s gap.
October 23rd, 2006 at 4:00 pm
10
DC Trojan says:
Corinthians? Is that a southern thing?
October 23rd, 2006 at 4:15 pm
11
Albino Tornado says:
Ephesians 5:22-24, baby!
October 23rd, 2006 at 4:24 pm
12
The Conscience of a Nation says:
It’s the “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud” passage.
Very, very, very overused in weddings, but since we were only 13 years old at the time it seemed perfect.
Link:
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+13
October 23rd, 2006 at 4:25 pm
13
Aerobab says:
I didn’t realize that the wedding was “hetero” until I read the article and found out that those were NOT two really, umm….lovely ladies. [joke] It sure is a good thing people like that are limited to Alabama….and not here in Tennessee. [/joke]
October 23rd, 2006 at 4:26 pm
14
Spanky says:
Note the cermeony was held at Legion Field, not even at Bryant Denny. Legion Field makes the Orange Bowl (”You don’t come in to the OB playing that stuff” L. Thomas) look downright shiny!
October 23rd, 2006 at 4:26 pm
15
DC Trojan says:
It’s the “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud” passage.
Ah. Rings a bell from friend’s weddings, now that you mention it. That demonstrates why I am not the go-to guy for sacred texts at Casa DC Trojan.
October 23rd, 2006 at 4:37 pm
16
PSUgirl says:
You know Orson, there’s nothing like a reference to The Darkness to brighten a (PSU) girl’s day.
October 23rd, 2006 at 4:47 pm
17
CouchBurnin'Girl says:
I want to mock this. I really do. Because like most WV-ians, I like making fun of the deep south. It makes me feel all sorts of warm and fuzzy (and by “warm and fuzzy”, I mean “good about where I come from”). But as soon as I say something snide I’ll get hit with comments about glass houses and pots calling kettles black. And while I’m quite pretty, wear very cute shoes, and am not imbred, I can’t speak for all of “my people” in the “mountains”…
October 23rd, 2006 at 4:50 pm
18
Matt says:
This was at Legion Field?!?! That just made it 10 times funnier.
October 23rd, 2006 at 4:52 pm
19
TideInTx says:
I sat on my couch watching CNN and out of no where this story is told. My first thought was, “I hope I don’t have to read about this on EDSBS”. You can’t believe my relief to look this morning and find not a word about the unfortunate incident. And now that I feel confident about turning my back and walking away from this subject you put the dagger in my back.
October 23rd, 2006 at 4:52 pm
20
Matt says:
I believe these folks are referred to as “dirt road alumni” in some quarters.
October 23rd, 2006 at 4:54 pm
21
NewAZTiger says:
It certainly gives a new meaning to “shoot the gap”.
October 23rd, 2006 at 5:04 pm
22
beatAuburn says:
I was a groomsman on Saturday (she planned it on the bye week = keeper) and almost fell over laughing when they started reading from 1st Corinthians and my buddy in the pew behind us starts his victory point at the ceiling…good stuff.
October 23rd, 2006 at 5:17 pm
23
Newspaper Hack says:
Over/under on days until the cops are called to their house/hovel/rotting doublewide?
October 23rd, 2006 at 5:43 pm
24
Tater Salad says:
I don’t know if you all could tell, but he is definitely wearing Alabama sweatpants. Classic. Dammit dammit dammit.
October 23rd, 2006 at 5:45 pm
25
Hawkeye Dan says:
I think 1st Corinthians was also the passage they bet on being used in “Wedding Crashers.”
October 23rd, 2006 at 5:52 pm
26
PSUgirl says:
Wait a goshdarn minute – which one is Francis Elizabeth? Cause Francis is a boy’s name… and Elizabeth is a girl’s name – I didn’t know that they allowed such carryings on in Alabama.
October 23rd, 2006 at 6:28 pm
27
Dave says:
[COUPLE REDACTED]
October 23rd, 2006 at 7:12 pm
28
SeaTrojan says:
“Love…it keeps no record of wrongs.”
What if she keeps fucking things up? What do those leather makers say then?
October 23rd, 2006 at 7:30 pm
29
SeaTrojan says:
After looking at their photo, this civil libertarian is ready to say “Yes” to Eugenics.
October 23rd, 2006 at 7:31 pm
30
darthgatorone says:
When I saw the reference to Corinthians, I had to pause. I know that the S&M EDSBS boys are semi-intelligent, semi-articulate and even semi-literate (as are most Gator alums), but knowledgeable about the Bible? Gimme a break. I mean that’s almost sacreligious.
Therefore, I put my wee little thinkycap on and thought, “Self, if I saw the preacher man reading from the Bible and heard him say in the clip, ‘ If I speak with the tongues of men and angels…..’, where would I go to find the source?” Of course, the answer was obvious even to the most naive computer newbie like me”. “Google!” A quick check, and my faith in the Biblical Ignorance of the S&M boys was restored. Lo, the Holy Google revealed unto me, as I’m sure it did to the EDSBS boys, that the quote was from I Corinthians 13:
“If I speak with the languages of men and of angels, but don’t have love, I have become sounding brass, or a clanging cymbal.” (Not that there’s anything wrong with that)
Now, I ask you, is Orson the “sounding brass” and Stranko the “clanging cymbal”, or is it the other way around?
October 23rd, 2006 at 8:08 pm
31
WDE78 says:
Just for those who missed it on television, the couple married at Legion Field – and that end zone in particular – because that’s the last place the groom saw Bear Bryant alive.
I can’t swear that it’s true – especially that the coach was alive when spotted – but that’s what they said on Fox 6. Which gets Station of the Year Award for breaking this story, in my book.
October 23rd, 2006 at 8:20 pm
32
JoeyT says:
How much you want to bet that these “internets” users are AOL users?
October 23rd, 2006 at 9:01 pm
33
sheepman says:
The “got twelve” shirt is a new one printed up by bammer fans. Since they have little else to brag about in recent history except for moral victories, the shirt is ridiculing the fact that Auburn only sacked Brodie eleven times in the last Iron Bowl. For those of you outside the state, every bammer fan looks and dresses almost exactly like that. If you are ever driving through Alabama and see someone who looks normal, they are Auburn fans.
October 23rd, 2006 at 10:31 pm
34
NewAZTiger says:
re #33, it’s hard to take your comments seriously with the nick “sheepman”.
October 23rd, 2006 at 11:20 pm
35
sheepman says:
it’s better than “azz tiger”
October 24th, 2006 at 12:16 am
36
me says:
Oooooh, burn!
October 24th, 2006 at 1:01 am
37
Crabapple Buck says:
To quote Marty Brenneman – “ain’t love grand”
October 24th, 2006 at 8:40 am
38
NewAZTiger says:
That’s NewAzzTiger. I didn’t spend all that money on gluteal implants for nothing!
And I see that once again the lack of preview nuked a part of my last post.
Append to #34
[Insert Barner Joke Here]
October 24th, 2006 at 9:34 am
39
Tater Salad says:
Alabama sidewalks dress like that. Actual alums do not.
October 24th, 2006 at 9:48 am
40
JohnInHuntsville says:
Oh God. It’s Junior and LuLu in Crimson.
At least they got more press than the only other event to occur at Legion Field this month….a UAB football game.
October 24th, 2006 at 1:17 pm
41
JR says:
Tater – Not all sidewalks dress like that but all UA fans who do dress lke that are sidewalks. They’re not the only ones though…
http://img479.imageshack.us/img479/6448/drpep09po8.jpg
John – excellent.
October 24th, 2006 at 1:26 pm
42
Tater Salad says:
Touche, JR. Touche
October 24th, 2006 at 2:00 pm
43
sb says:
My first thought was “at least they didn’t ruin two couples…”, and then “it’s wonderful they found each other…” and lastly, “love was only a keystroke away all that time!” Holy cow…(thanking lucky stars)!
October 24th, 2006 at 3:39 pm
44
sheepman says:
The thing is, JR, that the aub was at a game…a poorly attended game at that, where he got a ticket for 5 bucks from a scalper who was going to throw it away. He’s SUPPOSED to dress like that for a game. The dress code is a little different for a wedding. I bet when he finds another muppet to marry, he at least wears a thrift store suit.
October 24th, 2006 at 11:49 pm