A Russian professional soccer coach sounds like a job capable of reducing grown men to tears, what with all the mafiosi breathing down your neck to toss matches and the endless stream of mascara-caked mistresses demanding money, cars, and booze. Not only does Mustache Wednesday Award Winner Valery Gazzaev manage to pull it off and still sport a Champion’s League of a nose skirt, but his team CSKA Moscow defeated vaunted Arsenal 1-0 in Moscow yesterday. (HT: Kanu.)
In honor of your victory and your fine mustache, we pronounce yours as the Mustache Wednesday Mustache of the Day.
Stellar Hound-dog ’stache, tovarech.
Hosted by My Opinion On Sports this week, we submit our answers to the Blogpoll Roundtable questions of the week.
1. Which coaches are clearly on the hot seat at this point? Who is surprisingly not?
There’s a slew of easy answers, most notably the dead ringer for Uncle Fester whose team clearly forgot the basic tenets of the Geneva Convention against Florida International last Saturday night. The midfield waterboarding of an FIU trainer was simply unspeakable. And involving the wounded in the battle? Clearly against international law. If boosters don’t sack Coker first, Samantha Power will surely be hot on their heels.
We’ll see you at the Hague.
A piece of expired meat on the coaching buffet sorely in need of spotlighting is Mike Riley, a coach who’s lived each degree on the great compass of coaching. He’s gone from being highly coveted to unwanted to back to coveted and now has swung back to extremely, extremely unwanted, a holding pattern for him now that will result in his quiet, inevitable firing following the season.
Riley’s big victory last season over Cal should not impress; the Beavers faced as discombobulated a team as Tedford’s fielded in his tenure there last year, and following their complete use of all talent fuel in the game against the Bears they went on to lose all but one of their remaining games. (And that was over lowly ‘05 Washington, a team whose stank-nasty quotient was only exceeded by lowlier ‘04 Washington.)
The ‘06 numbers don’t exactly change the trend arrow on Riley, either: (more…)
If you read Peter Kerasotis’ column following the Auburn game, then you shouldn’t have, because Peter Kerasotis is the Worst Columnist in America. However, if you innocently stumbled into the jumbled wormhole of completely false statements, one line paragraphs, and smarmy baseless supposition that is the average Kerasotis column, you may not have escaped without minor brain damage and the indelible image of Auburn fans storming the field in a bloodthirsty, senselessly hazardous mob, holding lit fireworks, handguns, and running with scissors in their celebration.
It was not a safe environment, as evidenced by the thousands of fans who rushed the field unhindered immediately after Auburn scored a gimme touchdown on the last play of the game.
Thousands! Hordes! Teeming throngs of naked Auburn fans painted blue and orange tossing Chinese Throwing stars at each other! Just…look at them.
Pandelirium, I tell you!
Peter Kerasotis must have written this from the comfort of his home, with its large, foam rubber pads covering every corner of furniture and plastic grip pads on each non-carpeted surface. We just like to imagine him, sipping Riunite on ice and reminding visitors not to step off the plastic carpet tracks running through the house.
Will wrote him to point this out; check out his piece on From The Bleachers for Kerasotis’ bizarre response.
Life must be understood backwards; but… it must be lived forward.
—Dreary Scandinavian guy.
Dreary, but accurate; sometimes, riding along in the headlong chaos of life, we lose track of the paths we didn't take mostly because we had no idea where we were going.
Everyone makes choices, Lee Corso included. Just after the folding of the USFL, Corso faced a choice: become a commentator for ESPN, or pursue his lifelong dream of becoming a slo-jam mogul. His 1989 Arista Records release, …for the lover in you, may not have sold more than thirty copies in the United States, but it did do two things:
1. It hit #34 in Turkey, mostly thanks to the daring cover art and Corso's resemblance to a prominent cleric.
2. It shows us that all of us, at one time or another, try and fail in the name of love.
For the lover in you.
Listen if you dare to Lee Corso's take on Teddy Pendergrass's "Love T.K.O." Ladies, our lawyers would like you to know that we hold no liability for pregnancies that may spontaneously occur during the sexy listening of this song.
MP3 File
The numbers are ghastly enough. Michigan’s sitting at number one in total rushing defense, giving up a paltry 32.6 yards a game and bludgeoning opposing running backs and lines in the process. Stats aside, the anecdotal and visual evidence of their confirmed nastiness is accumulating.
First, the anecdotal:
Doctors haven’t cleared starter Anthony Morelli or backup Daryll Clark for full contact in practice after both quarterbacks sustained concussions when Penn State (4-3, 2-2 Big Ten) lost last week to No. 2 Michigan.
And second, the visual. If Michigan wins the national title, this will be its enduring brand on the psyche of college footballdom:
The best college football photograph taken in recent history: flattened.
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