With the bye week coming up for Florida, we’re gearing up for the event you’re not supposed to refer to as “The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party.” We’re on record as saying that this is the most retarded instance of speech policing by the president of a university as we can imagine, since there’s a.) nothing wrong with cocktails, since they’re one of the things that makes this country great, and b.) the cause of all the ruckus over student drinking–the death of a Florida student in an assault–had nothing to do with alcohol consumed by tourists but was instead the byproduct of three local morons deciding to kick a visiting student in the head for no particular reason.

However, in the interest of team spirit, we’ll abide by both university president’s requests to NOT use the old language to describe the festivities surrounding the Georgia–Florida game. After all, we’re not smart enough to earn a PhD in Political Communications, so what do we know about language? In fact, we thought we’d go ahead and start selling a few t-shirts with our suggestions for new, alcohol-free monikers for the big game in Jacksonville.

We hope Dr. Adams and Bernie Machen like our first wholesome, teetotallin’ suggestion. Click on the shirt to purchase it and support clean, alcohol-free family fun.