THE DRIVERLESS HEARSE THAT IS FSU

by Orson on Oct 11, 2006 1:22 PM EDT

Florida State's well-chronicled descent into mediocrity--now suddenly a fact, judging from the connections between their win-loss record, coaching staff management, and other terms of reality that journalistas are making--gets the proper treatment from The Itch, who comes up with the best analogy for Florida State's sideline we've seen: Lord of the Flies.

Because of our obvious biases, we have little problem dispensing with respect and diving straight for the accusation of vile nepotism. Sure, watching Lorenzo Booker, he of the Tom Lemming breakup and downright azure blue-chip status at one point, running full speed into unblocked oncoming d-tackles might have done it; or perhaps watching the formerly lethal hornets of the Florida State wide receiving corps flail in a scheme only utilizing the jumpball as a deep pass. Those and losses to former ACC bottom feeders all might be nice clues, too.

Sometimes even the most hatetastic of haters is right.

Seeing your own deeply held and seemingly irrational personal biases intersect with reality...ah, that's something rare indeed that only sports can really bring to you for free.

Sure, we hate them--oh, how we hate them--but vile nepotism seems to finally be sinking in as the root cause of Florida State's problems, and not just from people who can't possibly give a rational take on the subject (namely us.)

From Chris Rix's interview with Dennis Dodd:

Q: Offensive production has gone down every year since 2001. How do you account for that?

A: Even though Drew and I both started as redshirt freshmen, I think Drew is a smarter quarterback than I was. I think he's more mature. I think he prepares more than I probably did. I'm secure enough to admit that now.

Drew Weatherford is not the problem with this offense ... You've got to look behind the scenes why the numbers are down. That's not calling anyone out. That's looking at the facts, that's looking at the numbers. Numbers don't lie. ...

The numbers are down. Florida State expectations are just too high for people to put up with that. You're hearing people that are fed up with it. You're hearing boosters who expect better.

It's frustrating when you see other teams with less talent exceeding our production.

Dodd doesn't mention that Rix held up an index card with the words "Jeff Bowden" on it every time he said words like "frustrating" and "behind the scenes."

Sure, Chris Rix has an axe to grind. Like, say, what he perceives as the complete ruinination of any prospects of a pro career by mentors who couldn't call a decent game of Madden. At his point, though, he's less disgruntled former qb than a walking cautionary tale with hair gel. Drew Weatherford will be next at this rate, though we have no idea how CSTV will employ both of them.

BTW, examine this password combo from BugMeNot for the annoying login for the Tallahassee Democrat. Old memories die hard: (HT: RL.)

Ha-hah.

Tweet Comment 32 comments | 0 recs |

Do you like this story?

Comments

In any instance where I am required to use a four digit code as a password…it’s always the same…5220. I figure I’m pretty safe in thinking that no criminole attempting to break into my abode will ever think to punch that code into the ole Brinks.

Ha-hah indeed!

by zzgator on Oct 11, 2006 1:44 PM EDT reply actions

Fast forward to Nov 25th when the ‘Lord of the flies’ realizes their purpose of derailing the #2 gators. The savage hordes cognizant only of the thrashing they took the year before and the Ali treatment given to them by EDSBS.

Pray for civilization, pray for order.

by tzubear on Oct 11, 2006 1:53 PM EDT reply actions

Dammit, ZZ, stop spilling state secrets. Now anyone could hack my celphone.

by dogtown gator on Oct 11, 2006 1:54 PM EDT reply actions

When the big fund-raisers were doing their thing right after Hurricane Katrina, I blogged the idea that everyone in the Gator Nation should donate $52.20 for the cleanup of the Sugar Bowl. That number makes me feel all warm ‘n’ cozy!

by Panhandler on Oct 11, 2006 1:55 PM EDT reply actions

Um, except you just announced to the world what your password is. Even an FSU grad could crack the code now.

by tru-blu-psu on Oct 11, 2006 1:57 PM EDT reply actions

tru-blu…you’re assuming f$u grads can use the internet…and read.

by zzgator on Oct 11, 2006 2:00 PM EDT reply actions

It’s Wednesday, and I haven’t heard anything about Auburn-Florida or Gameday. What gives? Is Auburn not worthy of smack-talk or is this a way to reduce the flames if Florida drops the big one this weekend?

by Cardiac Kids on Oct 11, 2006 2:02 PM EDT reply actions

…and steal his card… and stick it in the machine right-way-up….

by Panhandler on Oct 11, 2006 2:02 PM EDT reply actions

For the snazzy Bama fan…
http://alabama.rivals.com/content.asp?cid=593731

by AUAlum on Oct 11, 2006 2:05 PM EDT reply actions

I don’t get the “52-20” joke. I have some theories, but help a youngin’ out here.

by Mitch on Oct 11, 2006 2:23 PM EDT reply actions

I don’t get the “52-20” joke. I have some theories, but help a youngin’ out here.

by Mitch on Oct 11, 2006 2:23 PM EDT reply actions

As, apparently, the only Nole on the site (what’s up with that?) let me say…..where’s my shotgun? I have a real nasty breathing habit that I need to kick.

by NoleinTexas on Oct 11, 2006 2:24 PM EDT reply actions

52-20. Way to rub salt in the wounds. I least I can solace in the fact that Steve “I can’t win at Doak even if I’m spotted 28 points at the start of the 4th quarter” Spurrier was damn lucky that he even got that game. Otherwise he would have had to take his 24-21 loss like a man and forgotten about the MNC.
Tis a sad, sad time to be a Nole fan. I’ve got tickets to the BC game and for the first time in my life I’m not excited for a trip to Tally. At least you could fire [NAME REDACTED]. We just have to wait it out.

by Joe on Oct 11, 2006 2:27 PM EDT reply actions

Right there with you NoleinTexas.

by Joe on Oct 11, 2006 2:29 PM EDT reply actions

You’ve still got the Cowgirl…

by AUAlum on Oct 11, 2006 2:30 PM EDT reply actions

Here ya go, Mitch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A00DlN3enOk

Is that the Outfield? OMG – SOOOoooo Gainesville!

by Panhandler on Oct 11, 2006 2:30 PM EDT reply actions

Right now, not even an old French whore would do the trick. But, hey, we have Mike Martin baseball to look forward to! Oh God…..(click, bang)

by NoleinTexas on Oct 11, 2006 2:43 PM EDT reply actions

after watching that video, it’s amazing the lack of success that UF receivers had in the NFL. Darrell Jackson, and hopefully Chad Jackson, is changing that, but Anthony and Hilliard were amazing at UF, and have done next to nothing in the NFL. Were they just not able to run precise routes? God knows they could catch the ball and run after the catch. What happened?

by adam on Oct 11, 2006 2:45 PM EDT reply actions

Let’s do a comparison: Is Florida State this year’s 2005 Tennessee team? Let’s see Chris Rix=Casey Clausen, Jeff Bowden=Randy Sanders, Drew Weatherford=Erik Ainge, Smokey=cowgirl, and Bobby Bowden=Phill Fulmer. You decide.

by rjm on Oct 11, 2006 2:46 PM EDT reply actions

#19

rjm,

I’m not sure who should be more insulted – Smokey or Jenn Sterger. (Tie goes to …..)

by BamaTaxMan on Oct 11, 2006 2:52 PM EDT reply actions

rjm,

Throw in Burt Reynolds as The Bandit and Jerry Reed as The Snowman and I think you’ve got a hit.

by Hokie Andrew on Oct 11, 2006 2:53 PM EDT reply actions

Nice video there panhandler. I take it the creator of that video must have left his Winger cd in his mommy’s car.

by Rome on Oct 11, 2006 2:54 PM EDT reply actions

Posts like these are pure GLORY.

by Give me a beer on Oct 11, 2006 3:03 PM EDT reply actions

come on guys, where is the smack talk about the Auburn Florida game?

by AU fan by marriage on Oct 11, 2006 3:06 PM EDT reply actions

WRT to #18, UF receivers have rarely been strong enough. They could get away with it in college, but in the pros, they’re dust.

And as far as Smokey is concerned, someone needs to unearth the original cut of SatB 3 that had Gleason playing Buford T. Justice AND the Bandit.

by NoleinTexas on Oct 11, 2006 3:09 PM EDT reply actions

Did someone say Sterger & the Bandit?

http://static.flickr.com/116/267179124_f3e2177345.jpg

(world’s worst use of MS Paint, I know.)

by Panhandler on Oct 11, 2006 3:40 PM EDT reply actions

Hilliard is still getting a check as a WR in Tampa Bay, so we like to think of him as a late bloomer and not a total bust (broken neck didn’t help).

But the UF receiver statistics were always inflated by the SOS system. SOS had a Duke receiver set the NCAA receiving records for yardage and receptions, so this is not limited to Gainesville. On the other hand, the Zooker’s receivers have realized that the bubble screen is not a ticket to NFL glory.

by GoneGator on Oct 11, 2006 3:49 PM EDT reply actions

Aww, the poor auburn fans are upset because now that they lost, nobody cares about them again.

by Kecalf Bailey on Oct 11, 2006 6:59 PM EDT reply actions

I think Arkansas smacked Auburn plenty last weekend, they may not be ready for this week…

by sjs1959 on Oct 11, 2006 8:36 PM EDT reply actions

D’oh, I’m not so young I shouldn’t have been able to figure that number out. I thought it could have been the value of the clothes stolen from Dillard’s that one year.

by Mitch on Oct 12, 2006 2:05 AM EDT reply actions

Thanks for the link Orson, though I wished it was under better circumstances. And the Dillards figure was $21.40, for $400 worth of clothes. Good times.
http://espn.go.com/ncf/news/1999/1019/122466.html

by Halleck T. on Oct 12, 2006 11:28 AM EDT reply actions

With regards to the original column, the painful irony of the NC State loss was that FSU got BEAT by the jump-ball offense! Jeff Bowden actually called a halfway decent game devoid of jump-ball tomfoolery. But after Timmons and Buster took turns bitch-slapping Daniel Evans in the first quarter Trestman said screw it and went to classic FSU 5-step-drop-and-chuck-it-downfield strategy. When their freshman WR turned into Randy Moss circa 2003 in the fourth quarter that was all she wrote for FSU in ’06.

Enjoy it Gators, for your double-clutch-close-your-eyes-and-chuck-it-for-a-TD good fortune can’t last forever. I hope.

by mobius on Oct 13, 2006 10:38 AM EDT reply actions