Add another term to the ever-growing list of Things Which Are Always Funny: the word “drifter,” used multiple times in the sad story of and Auburn laptop stolen before last week’s game with South Carolina.

Inevitable plot rumors swirled on the internets about a South Carolina conspiracy to steal Auburn’s game plan, but Tommy Tuberville clamped down fast:

““The police identified him as looking like somebody that they see around the mall all the time,” Tuberville said. “It had nothing to do whatsoever with South Carolina or any of that.”

Evidence supports Tuberville’s statements, since the only operative who looks drifterish and is available for this job a.) is under contract to ABC/Disney/Cthulu Omnicorp, and b.) has no motive to do Steve Spurrier any favors.