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LOU HOLTZ IS VERY, VERY OLD.

In case you don't know it, Lou Holtz is very, very old. He's not quite Joe Paterno old--for example, Lou Holtz doesn't have his discarded Manchu topknot from Boxer Rebellion in a shoebox underneath his bed for memory's sake--but he is old enough to be the kind of guy who leaves his car open because, well, fuck it, it's just an old man car.

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I think I’ll have to quote myself

Heh, they stole Lou Holtz’s car.

He leaves it unlocked with the keys in it. Sort of like his body after 8pm.

by NewAZTiger on Sep 27, 2006 12:47 PM EDT reply actions  

ND must have the funniest looking coaches in college football.

First:

Lou Holtz looks like Granny Clampett (Irene Granny) from the Beverly Hillbillies. I stole this one from "Monster-Sports-Media-Industrial-Complex-Name-Redacted" web site.

http://espn.go.com/page2/s/looking/archive6.html

Second:

Charlie Weis looks amazingly like Curly Joe (the sixth of the Three Stooges). Here is a link.

http://www.stoogeworld.com/_Whats%20New/CurlyJoe-pic.jpg

Third: Ty Willingham looks like…..

…ran out of material…

gotta rush to a !@#$ meeting…

by Stacy Keibler Loves Me on Sep 27, 2006 1:06 PM EDT reply actions  

1991 was the year of the Ford Tempo.

by jtitas on Sep 27, 2006 1:09 PM EDT reply actions  

This story would be better if someone had just stolen Lou Holtz.

by Rex Cramer on Sep 27, 2006 1:15 PM EDT reply actions  

SKLM- your “I hate ND” posting button is stuck in the “on” position. Please get some WD-40, loosen it up, and spew some new crap for a change.

by crazy tom on Sep 27, 2006 3:05 PM EDT reply actions  

Many people may have missed this, but Holtz said one of the funniest things I have heard come out of the booth in a long, long, time.

After UCF ran another run play and he got hit right away by the So. Miss defensive player (a good player, at that), Holtz said the following. Also note that the camera stayed with him (the defensive player that made the tackle) for most of Holtz’s comment, because they thought Holtz would say something insightful:

“See that guy right there. That helmet. And see all those little stickers on his helmet. Those guys get those stickers when they make good plays. A good offensive plan would be run away from the guys with the stickers on their helmets.”

Mark May was dumbfounded and had nothing to say.

Truly classic “old man, Harry Carey” kind of comment.

by chrisnd on Sep 27, 2006 3:05 PM EDT reply actions  

There ought to be a guy in the truck who listens to the commentary, and when something like that is said, he presses a button and, unbknownst to the crew in the booth, the Guinness commercial guys chime in with “Brilliant!”

by crazy tom on Sep 27, 2006 3:14 PM EDT reply actions  

Coaches and Cars of the Big 12

Dan Hawkins – Gas-electric hybrid and rarely used mountain bike purchased with good intention

McCarney – 40s era rusted out Chevy pickup

Mangino – Jabba the Hutt’s Sail Barge

Bob Stoops – Anything from Big Red Imports

Fran – BMW 740iL with leather that’s softer than the Aggie defense

Leach – Last year: The Flying Dutchman; this year: viking Longboat

by Orangeblood on Sep 27, 2006 3:18 PM EDT reply actions  

Another great Lou Holtz moment happened when they were profiling UCF. They listed the student population at 47,000 – “about 28,000 of which are female”. So the guys started joking about good odds and stuff. Then Lou says, “I’ve only needed one woman my entire life.”

What a party pooper.

by RodBeck on Sep 27, 2006 3:27 PM EDT reply actions  

SKLM,
We’ve already got two [NAME REDACTED]s. ESPN is pejoratively known as the WWL, the Mouse, Cthura, etc., at this site.

Orangeblood,
I’d normally take offense to that comment, but actually, a 40s-era Chevy pickup doesn’t seem that far off. If you want to be more accurate, though, it’d have to be powered by E85, be loud, and start sputtering when the weather gets cold.

by j.j. on Sep 27, 2006 6:55 PM EDT reply actions  

Crazy Tom writes:

“SKLM- your "I hate ND" posting button is stuck in the "on" position. Please get some WD-40, loosen it up, and spew some new crap for a change.”

You gotta admit that Lou Holtz does look like Granny Clampett and Charlie Weis is a dead ringer for Curly Joe (the forgotten member of the Three Stooges. At least I did not compare Weis with Joe Besser, the very effeminate third of the famous trio).

That was funny material.

I think Lou Holtz, unlike Davie, belongs in some sort of broadcasting booth because he is so funny, funny sounding and funny looking.

Obviously, I am not a Domie fan, and you are not a USC fan. But, we have mutual goals. USC needs to beat an ND team ranked as high as possible, in order to get a good BCS ranking…….

And, ND needs an opportunity to beat, at least once every few years, a team ranked in the Top 25, in order to get any chance at a good bowl game this year. Has ND won any bowl games recently? Won’t happen this year either, I am not sorry to say.

ND’s upcoming schedule of teams with defenses ranked in triple digits of college football teams, will not help much in going up the rankings, either, bonehead.

So, Crazy Tom, keep hope alive little man, and hope that I continue to be magnanimous towards your Domies.

But, if one of the minnows of college football beats ND and messes up USC’s strength of schedule BSC ranking, I assure you that SKLM will be joined by a throng of critics, including a bunch of your very own Domies, in slapping ND harder than whoever slapped Weis during the Sparty-ND game last week!

How do you like ’em apples?

by Stacy Keibler Loves Me on Sep 27, 2006 7:04 PM EDT reply actions  

sklm:

Actually our needs aren’t entirely mutual. ND needs to thump U$C to erase the smell of the Michigan and tOSU games.

By all means carry on as before. ND’s a pushover and should mail in the points. ;)

by Canuck on Sep 27, 2006 7:26 PM EDT reply actions  

Canuck:

Listen little HOSER, of course ND and USC will go after each with everything including the kitchen sink later this year. That is a given.

But, like I wrote earlier, ND needs to do their part and go through the rest of their powder puff schedule with wins, and USC needs to also win the rest of their games, in order for the Inebriated Ones (sports writers) to do their bit and hype the game like crazy, and subsequently keep or put USC in the top 2, which I think may be possible.

What did you think of my Lou Holtz-Granny Clampett and Weis-Curly Joe material?

by Stacy Keibler Loves Me on Sep 27, 2006 7:40 PM EDT reply actions  

SKLM: Your “material” is not all that funny. More like second grade humor. Leave Holtz alone.

by Harvey Wireman on Sep 28, 2006 8:11 AM EDT reply actions  

SKLM’s constant ND rants make him sound like the rich man who cant get laid in a whorehouse, constantly yakking about the same old problem over and over again.

Give it a rest already.

New material is way overdue.

by atepesm on Sep 28, 2006 10:34 PM EDT reply actions  

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