PENN STATE VERSUS OHIO STATE: COACHING POINT/COUNTERPOINT

Penn State has about as much a chance beating THEosu, as Lee Corso has in showing a little class every now and then.

Sadly, I think tOSU -17 is a fair line. I’m not sure if Joe is trying to use motivation towards his players in saying “You go in there and pray. You got a good prayer to St. Jude for hopeless causes or something?”, or whether he truly means it.

Sign in the Penn St. locker room: “REPENT THE END IS EXTREMELY FUCKING NIGH”.

The only way to beat Tressel is to give a quick jab to the stomach followed by a sidestep to the left.
When he goes for the punch, counter with a left uppercut, followed by a right, then left. Repeat as necessary.
After you knock down Tressel for the first time, wait for him to taunt you by pounding his fists on an imaginary table three times while making an indistinguishable noise. Repeat the left, right, left uppercut sequence.
He should fall backwards quickly and at sharp angles back and forth with a quiet wailing noise until he is finished.
Raise your hand in victory and wait for Mr. Sandman.

I’m going to have to go with Andre 3000 and pick “Ohio” for this one.

I think you may be mistaken in your assertion that Tressel leads a life of robotic blandness. If you take Tressel’s World to be an accurate depiction of his private life, and I do, his is a life full of wild all-night partying, gunfights, and the occasional Thai hooker. Make that the more-than-occasional Thai hooker. He makes Woody’s sideline suckerpunch look like child’s play.

Science rules!

oh, and, joe brings fresh frozen brains with him when he travels to ohio.

I know he’s busy, but I do wish Coach Sweatervest would update his blog.

Point: Paterno drives a sensible ’89 Ford Taurus with the rebuilt DOHC and 174K miles on it.

Counterpoint: Hovercraft. Hovercraft. Hovercraft.

ADVANTAGE: Tressel

Tressel molests collies.

PSU will take this one. I take it that would surprise many southern writers. Don’t worry, OSU isn’t nearly as tough as your SEC contenders.

I thought the sweatervest was made of Teflon that protects him from NCAA investigations.

Science, shmyence… You don’t call a man “Cheatypants” because he plays by the rules. The cheating factor, which counts 9 times, puts Tressel over the top. And any PSU fan will tell you all about how they got screwed come Sunday.

Jimmy T is a family man and does not cheat.

L.D., you know Paterno drives a Crown Vic. This is the only possibilty.

I would have never put together Don Flamenco of “MTPO” fame as the cartoon characterization of Jim Tressel. Would then would be Mr. Sandman? Some coach that’s big and intimidating. Hmm, Willingham, nah, he’s neither. Croom? He’s big, but hardly intimidating….

Ralph Friedgen = Bald Bull (sans ’stache)?

Phil Fulmer is, of course, King Hippo.

Now that I think about it, Tressel should be Bald Bull.
He can be beat if you focus, but you’re more likely going to get knocked out.
Charlie Weis would be King Hippo. When he opens his mouth (by opening his mouth at a press conference) punch him. His weakeness is the bandage on his belly, Weis’s bandage is the defense of a vertical passing game. A few solid blows and he’s down.
Rich Rodriguez would be the Great Tiger; frustrating and fast as hell but beatable is you are disciplined.
Soda Popinski is Bobby Petrino; scary at first but easy if you focus.
That’s all I can think of right now; but coach or football team comparisons to Punch Out characters would be a great subject for a blog to tackle.

In a bow to Senor von Clausewitz, I believe that Coach Paterno actually drives a car that is of sound German engineering.

Soda Popinksi is a pale and worthless imitation of the one true USSR champion… Vodka Drunkenski.

Mike Tyson’s punch-out sucked. Long live Super Punch-Out

Oh, and Mangino is the Canadian Bear Hugger.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Punch-Out%21%21_boxers#Don_Flamenco

Croom looks like Bald Bull.

That’s Herr General to you, Old State.

Sadly, I think tOSU -17 is a fair line.

Without the weather, I’d agree. But it’s going to be storming pretty bad on game day here. I think OSU will win, but a 17 point victory is a bit much to count on with heavy wind and rain.

Beano vs Tressel in hand-to-hand? Orson, who wins?

Paterno gets the advantage for breakfasting on brains, but it’s mitigated by the daily side-order of oatmeal and prunes that go with the brains.

Beano. But Tressel takes an eye.

With Paterno’s craving for brains and Ohio’s population of people like the family Cooper, Penn State could be in trouble.

After Penn State gets pawned tomorrow, their fans will run away faster than Notre Dame fans.

Hey rube, you’re confusing fans with the media. We stood by the team through Davieham, we’re still here now that the WWL isn’t sure who to be in love with, and we’ll be here tomorrow. Don’t be a knob.

word up to super punch out! my family was broke, mike tyson sucked anywaya dna girl knocked his career out anyways…i gotta say, from what i’ve seen of urban mayer, I’m gonna have to say glass joe.

 i know that hurts, and i really enjoy this blog, but florida’s got a glass jaw, and mac(bama) is about to hit the start button on that ass.

Thanks for the Shawn of the Dead reference. Good stuff.

The Orsons mentioned this a couple weeks ago…It may be cliche by now (for sports), but after the loss to JJ’s 2nd-favorite team these lyrics suddenly mean something to old John L.

Sors salutis
et virtutis
mihi nunc contraria
est affectus
et defectus
semper in angaria
hac in hora
sine mora
cordis pulsum tangite
quod per sortem
sternit fortem
mecum omnes pangite

It is a great sports song, even if the bands play it ad nauseum.

Sorry, Spirit, Croom would play the role of Little Mac’s trainer “Doc”.