MUSTACHE OF THE DAY: WARIO

Bong hits + MarioKart = My first senior year in college.

The office chaos has spawned a makeshift MarioKart circuit around the central office using monkey-navigated dune buggies. Trev is racing as himself, throwing actual banana peels at rival drivers. He is still wearing the Snake Plissken eyepatch.

I’d try to talk some sense into them…but what’s the point….

Mario Kart is why I bought a GameCube, no regrets

MarioKart, everyone’s favorite game to abuse substances to. F the castle, though. I hate that course.

I assume Goldeneye is considered the best N64 game; spent hundreds of hours in Harper Hall playing that gem while mocking the kids playing Magic: The Gathering.

I’m worse than all of you.

I spent my third year of college playing Netrek in the Aerospace building.

turok wasn’t too shabby either

Astute, AUAlum. Our favorite settings: rocket launchers or proximity mines.

And we were always Grace Jones.

Props to Mario Kart… but it’s all about Tecmo Super Bowl.

If you had said any other game was better than Goldeneye, I was going to quit reading this blog and head over to The Huffington Post.

We played grenade launchers mostly and no one could be Oddjob. I usually went with Xenia Onatopp.

I’m Wario, I’m a gonna win

with Bond, it was always the Stack level. Paintball mode if chemicals were involved.

Franc Belgium,

You are a scholar and a gentleman. Tecmo Super Bowl isthe greatest video game EVER.

Just watch this and be amazed……

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAAgfY_NHzw

Proximity mines are probably more entertaining, but remote mines offer a greater challenge and also foster a more rigorous mental geography of the game.

Some of the kids in my welding class video taped themselves beating Ocarina of Time on N64. They were the Lewis and Clark of YouTube.

Paintball mode, radar off, License to Kill mode. Only way to go. Agility, aim, awareness, knowledge of the levels: you need to all.

No one is ever allowed to be Oddjob, because every other character just shoots over his head.

Always avoid “power weapons” in these settings, because whoever gets the RCP-whatever blows everyone away.

Best weapon/level combos: pistols in the basement or grenade launchers in the temple. Rocket launchers in the complex was always fun, too. And kudos to whoever said remote mines were the creme of the weapons options. Proxy mines were best for when everyone is blitzed, though…

Only a serious Goldeneye player could give us the phrase “foster a more rigorous mental geography of the game.”

It goes without saying that you only play License to Kill, although I was never a fan of paintball mode. And no I never played by myself to practice bouncing grenades off the Temple walls.

Oh, I don’t mean to slight Goldeneye by any means. I was still playing it as of two years ago, though I have no idea where my N64 eventually ended up after the roommates split up.

Proximity mines and rocket launchers. It’s like we were separated at birth.

I would also like to add that, while I live with a living, breathing girl now, she does not fulfill my video game competition needs, and I know absolutely no guys in Denver since I only moved here three months ago.

This makes me very sad. “Tear running down the face of an Indian” sad.

I used to beat my roommates in college while playing Mariokart with my toes. I’m not kidding.

We played pretty much any way imaginable. I preferred knives only. Truly a gentleman’s pursuit.

Knives. Nice.

Sometimes, if we were especially wasted, we would play slappers only in the Facility, all get into different bathroom stalls, count down from 3, and then all emerge from the stalls slapping like a bunch of Rangers and Angels. No, none of us had girlfriends at the time.

RUTS,
I’m sure Carmelo would play with you. When he uses a cheat code to beat the Space Shuttle level, just make sure you don’t snitch.

Goldeneye was my First Love Freshman Year…Proximity Mines..Sweet!

The most fun you can have with three other dudes on a Sunday afternoon in the South.

Siberian Special Forces in the complex….. practically invisible to the competition. Goldeneye is the reason I almost failed out of Penn State back in 99. (that and Yeungling and sorority girls). And Im in med school now!

You don’t know that you are addicted to MarioKart until you come home from the bars and race Choco Mountain 46 times against your equally drunk roommate.

Proxi mines all the way, but don’t forget about Perfect Dark for 64 as an alternative. Halo put them all to shame in the end, because there is no better way to spend a snow day in Athen then by getting up at 8:30 picking up a couple of cases and hooking up 4 tvs and playing for 16 straight hours. Still one of my favorite days in college.

Mmmmm…Yuengling. I’m flying to Philly tonight, I’ll be sure to drink Yuengling Porter somewhere.

Yuengling hierarchy:

Porter
Black/Tan
Lager
Premium Light
Chesterfield
Premium

Oldest brewery in America, yo.

Oh, and I’ll be totally RUTSing the Great American Beer Festival next weekend in Denver. Mmmmm…beer.

Boris Grishenko. Lots of people didn’t know it, but Boris was about twice as fast as everyone else in the game. It was almost cheating to unleash his speed on unsuspecting players who fought over who got to be Bond.
Jaws was also a “cheap” character if you could get a Magnum. He almost always got a headshot because he holds the gun at head level.
Grenade Launchers, License to Kill, Complex. Absolute carnage.

Who the fuck ARE you people??

Orson, please limit video game references in the future, as it tends to expose the true nature of your fanbase.

You mean as opposed to all of the other nerdy shit we talk about on here?

well… yeah.

Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson: greatest athlete ever

I’ll go ahead and say that blogs like this probably attract the nerdier college football fans, as opposed to the booger-eating, rasslin-lovin, jorts-wearin, BigNRich’n college football fans.

Just a hunch.

And I made that last post BEFORE I watched the YouTube above.

Complex/ PISTOLS DAMNIT!/ Sights and AutoAim off! LTK

(I will say that Proximity was fun placing them under walkways but remote mines were more satisfying whenever you set them off at just the right time. Great feelings inside.)

I cant even begin to describe my godness with pistols and sights off. Me with a PP7 was as good a sniper rifle without the scope.

Such fond memories.

1 last thing. Its not that we are the “nerdy” side of college football fans. I was in the 8th grade when that game came out. Practically still a kid. Maybe its me in denial. I dont know.

I’m still listing “earned invincibility code in Goldeneye” as my greatest accomplishment ever

mmmmm… 2nd level in under 3:50… invincibility…