Our coverage of the best week ever–Footballpocalypse–continues today with the divine wrath promised by the Oklahoma/Oregon game. A rain of blood couldn’t keep us away, unless it’s on at the same time as another game we want to watch. Then we’ll just let Rece Davis tell us what happened instead.
Sign of the Footballpocalypse: Two Very Different Plagues. Defending Oregon’s perfectly binary offense is one form of sickness: 75 runs, 66 passes, and a well-crafted spread set to do it from means buboes and ill-tidings for Sooners’ defenders who allowed 204 on the ground to Washington last week. Jonathan Stewart is the latest “nimble, but can also bend frying pans with his hands” back to start in the backfield for the Ducks, and Oregon OC Gary Crowton’s all too happy to rush him to exhaustion in pursuit of a win. He wonked his ankle last week but will be close to full feather for the Sooners. QB Dennis Dixon can run a bit, too, but makes his bones as the guy who nips away at defenses with the short passing game and makes sound decisions handing the ball off on those now-ubiquitous zone read plays.
Jonathan Stewart in a position your doctor would not recommend.
Oklahoma’s got a different strain of the plague: passing anemia. Against UAB, Peterson played Johnny One Note for the Sooners, bailing them single-handedly out of a loss to Watson Brown, a truly shameful thing that Oklahoma dodged on a swing pass to to AP. Peterson is [insert arbitrary measure of hyperbole, praise, and boatloads of adjectives equalling "holy hell is he a talented motherfucking running back, since he might be the first guy to lose the Heisman due to overemphasizing his own spectral talent, too good to win the award blah blah blah.]
Paul Thompson’s been decent for them, and has passed the ball at a rate that hypothetically would have horrified Bob Stoops preseason. Thompson threw for two picks against a oven-mitted Washington defense; facing Oregon we’ll pencil him in for the high side of three. It’s been two years now since Oklahoma’s fielded a qb worth fearing, notable given that the no-name duo of Josh Heupel and gimpy Jason White got Oklahoma to glory and beyond.
Coaching fashion advantage: Bellotti. All that Nike gear lovingly crafted by third-world wage slaves hangs well on Bellotti even after he committed the crime of shaving his mustache. Stoops, meanwhile, will wear pants with deep, proud pleats, a fashion crime that should never be forgiven.
It must be the pleats.
Best roster name, Oregon: Delta Force member, Ph.D candidate in Economics, and black belt in krav magaMorgan Flint. He’s not actually anything like that, but the name deserves a man of mystery’s resume to back it up.
Best roster name, Oklahoma: The zestily named “Dane Zaslaw” comes close, but the award must go to C.J. Ah You. Who wins when C.J. plays? Ah, you.
Mascot advantage: The Duck, since it’s not a.) a wagon, which has always been lame, and b.) Can get into fights with other mascots and scare children, the principal responsibilities of any real mascot. We’d side with Oklahoma if they’d kept Mex the Dog instead of a dusty old cart that everyone was using to get to–that’s right–Oregon anyway.
Where’s that wagon headed? Oregon, sir.Signs of the apocalypse:
The Number of the Beast: #28, J.D. Nelson, safety Oregon Ducks. Peterson’s bloated with media notice, but highlight the man who could be plowing headfirst into AP’s kneecaps all day. Experienced, savvy, and all-too-happy to attempt to rearrange someone’s DNA through repeated vicious application of blunt force to the body.
And a great battle commences: Their bowl game matchup was a physical sumo-match decided by the coaching decisions of two guys who, despite having prolific offenses in the past, have been reduced to each key game being decided on a special teams fake. Oregon whipped out its niftiest fake against Fresno–a cool-ass option flip from Brady Leaf to the kicker for the win–but both teams will attempt to change field position when the run-first offenses stagnate by faking a pair of kicks between the two of them.
The teams look remarkably similar: dominant run games, vulnerable in the secondary on defense, and happy to dink away in between running the seams off the ball. It’ll look a lot like last year’s Holiday Bowl: big trick plays salted away between long slabs of hard hitting and offensive stagnation, but minus the retard-easy “Ryan Leaf’s brother throws a pick, therefore he’s just like his brother!” storyline.
(Potentially) False Prophecies: 20-17 seems like a solid bet, what with both teams being fairly well acquainted with the other now. Familarity and comparable program intake (quality recruits, oodles of funding, facilities that would make a pasha blush) mean that no one’s pulling any aces in the form of surprise formations or defenses they haven’t seen. Ugly, physical, dag-nasty slapfight will be the norm here.
Not everything’s level here, though: both pass defenses give up yards, and Dennis Dixon seems way more capable of managing things and throwing a few crucial play-action passes than Thompson. Ceteris paribus, the qbs have us picking Oregon to win.
Does Chad Henne ever seem…traumatized to you? You know, as if something had happend to him leaving him ever-shaken and a little unsure of himself?
Well, he played high school football for Jim Cantafio, who evidently prefers Betamax to VHS and makes a very strong showing of it in the footage below. Reader Carson showed us this, and for that we owe him immensely. The 2003 video shows the pregame speech of an unhinged Cantafio displaying the signs of a man who has just slipped into tertiary syphilitic madness. Or perhaps rabies. We’re not doctors, you know, but either way an infectious agent of some sort seems to be to blame here.
Poor Chad Henne. After playing football for Cantafio, Lloyd Carr must seem like working for Mrs. Dalloway.
–When We Must Ignite This Couch gets props in the WaPo, you know the blogosphere’s setting the semantic table. They used to call us on manners, but now they jockin’ tha grammar…
–Tom Dienhart interviews Reggie Herring on how to defend USC’s offense. In other news, Joe Klein has an interview with Bob Shrum on winning elections in Newsweek along with a fascinating piece on overcoming alcoholism by Andy Dick.
–House Rock Built has the 1980 Michigan/ND game calls presented Rashomon-style. This reference to Rashomon indicates that we hold a worthless liberal arts degree awarded sometime after Derrida infested the academy in the early seventies.
–How does Kyle stay in shape? By kicking dead horses back to life. We prefer to just post inflammatory stuff and run. It’s rhetorical arson at its most enjoyable.
–One thing to expect from Oregon and Oklahoma in their matchup: trickeration. Another thing you cannot possibly predict: which one of the 384 different uni combinations they will roll out on Saturday.
Mmm…resembles one big, football playing infected boil running down the field.
For the week of Footballpocalypse, Solon plays the sure winners and lets the beasts fight it out. These are the desperate measures one resorts to when you’re 6-11 against the spread and in need of some winners. We’re behind you, Solon–before you steal the night, take inspiration from one of the modern masters in survival against difficult odds.
Enjoy
There are a couple of things you can do when you start a season 6-11 ATS.
You can parse the record, and say that you are 3-0 on non-Saturday games.
You can expand your record, and point out that you are 90-72 over the past two seasons, a healthy 56% winning percentage.
Or, you can pull your head out of your arse and start picking winners. What say I try this one?
What is perhaps most humbling is that my record is only as good as it is due to the most cherished of all wagers–the great gambling moment.
I had Oregon (-4) against plucky Fresno State. Lo and behold, with 5 minutes to go the score was tied at 24, and Oregon drove to the Fresno State 4 yard line, where their drive stalled and they lined up for a FG, one that would have destroyed my bet, since it was unlikely, outside of a quick turnover, that Oregon would get the ball back in a position to score (nevermind whether they would have had the inclination).
So what do the Ducks do? Brady Leaf–yes, related to that other Leaf–takes the snap, and runs left. In fact, he runs like a kamikaze into three Fresno defenders right around the 2-yard-line–and just as he gets hit, he pitches it to the kicker, who runs it in untouched for a spread-covering TD.
So, hopefully the momentum will carry into this week, and I’ll get back on the plus side soon. Here are this week’s picks:
Iowa State (+13.5) v. IOWA
Even without QB Tate last week Iowa should have struggled less than they did against hapless Syracuse. For my money, Iowa State is the best team in the Big 12 North; their passing game is legit and Iowa’s CBs are not battle-tested. The Iowa State D lost a lot from last season, but they are still a good unit and Iowa does not appear to have an overly powerful O. I think it is unlikely that Iowa will run up the points against the Iowa State D and even with QB Tate back I think this game will be competitive.
Brigham Young (+7) v. BOSTON COLLEGE
I do not know what happened to BYU in the offseason but they appear to have gotten better on both sides of the ball. I was impressed by the ease with which they dispatched Tulsa and I think after the close game against ‘Zona they will believe they can win this game. I think BC is a very good team, but their performance last week against Clemson was flattered by the final score and I think they will have a bit of a letdown this week. I think BYU stands a chance of pulling off the outright upset here and I love them with the points.
Eastern Michigan (+17) v. NORTHWESTERN
NW played well in their first game of the season but they came back down to earth last week. EMU does not have a strong D but given that NW has averaged 19 ppg against the very modest Miami (O) and New Hampshire defenses, I do not think they will be giving up too high a total, as new QB Kafka is still working out the kinks. EMU QB Jones–who, by the way, is listed as questionable–is similar to New Hampshire QB Santos, who threw for 2 TDs and ran for 3 TDs last week. I expect the NW D to play better, but I do not believe their D is as strong as Michigan State’s, and I believe that they will at least match their 20 point output from last week, and if they do I think NW will be hard-pressed to get ahead of this number.
San Diego State (+14) v. WISCONSIN
Wisconsin seems to be playing well despite the loss of HC Alvarez, averaging 34.5 ppg on O. That said, they have only been averaging 329 ypg playing against very modest Ds and will be facing a much stiffer test this week against SDSU. (more…)
1. Excepting a pair of bellbottoms we saw Gerry Faust wearing once on ESPN Classic…who the hell would have the balls to wear white pants on the sidelines anymore? Besides Alvin Wyatt?
and…
2. What kind of sick fuck would try to kill Craig T. Nelson?
As part of Tennessee Hate Week, we brought Joel from Rocky Top Talk over for a chat about the upcoming struggle between chaos and civilization game. Joel, like brave soldier Justin Harrell, is fighting injury in the form of a kidney stone, but represented the Vol Nation brilliantly in the questions below.
Enjoy.
O: 1. Erik Ainge: faster, stronger, and better, or waiting to crack at the slightest pressure from a quality defense? Inquiring minds want to know.
J: Yes, yes, and yes, all mentally. And . . . maybe. We’ll know when he gets hit. Amazingly, Ainge has barely been touched this season and has not been sacked even once. This is a truly tectonic statistic (okay, a slight exaggeration) given that Cal supposedly had one of the top three defensive fronts in the nation and that David Cutcliffe had to be diagramming
plays in the preseason using question marks and exclamation points instead of Xs and Os.
Still, Ainge’s 2006 mettle really hasn’t been tested yet. He has made good decisions under mild pressure, though, throwing the ball into the Tennessee River instead of into a crowd of opposing linemen at the goal line when under pressure. He also regained his composure quickly after throwing his only interception in the first game against Cal, following it up with
three TD passes on his next three attempts.
If pressed, I’d say that Cutcliffe has indeed put Humpty back together again, this time for good. But as my Magic 8 Ball said when I asked it the same question, Ask again later.
Don’t forget: This is Eric Ainge, too.
2. Tell me about your latest beastly set of linebackers who fall for misdirections. And on that note, how the hell did they give up nearly 300 yards of rushing to Air Force?
The Tennessee media raised their collective eyebrow this spring when defensive coordinator John Chavis said that he thought this group of linebackers would be better than the group he was replacing. The early returns are that he may, in fact, be right. The leader in the middle
is senior Marvin Mitchell, who in two games has racked up 19 tackles, three of them for a loss. To his side is Ryan Karl, who’s had 16 tackles, two tackles for a loss, and one sack.
The star of the group, though, is Jerod Mayo, who was named the national defensive player of the
week for his performance against Cal. Mayo’s had 17 total tackles and four tackles for a loss, and his three sacks leads the SEC and ties him for sixth nationally.
As a group, these guys are fast and talented, but they are indeed inexperienced, and yes, they tend to fall prey to their enthusiasm and over run a play here and there.
The Air Force game remains an unsolved mystery. If you haven’t seen the tape, go have a look. You simply could not tell who had the ball on any given play. I blame the illegal and unconstitutional use of classified military technology designed to befuddle opponents. I thought I heard theleft guard singing a Red Hot Chili Peppers tune just prior to the snap. Anyway, it’s hard to tackle the guy with the ball when you don’t know who’s got the stupid thing.
Oh, and watch out for redshirt freshman linebacker Rico McCoy, who’s backing up the other three. He’s going to be really, really good.
UT’s called in experts to figure out how Air Force ran them over last Saturday.
3. Who should we imagine as the boogeyman in our closet for this week who
wears an orange jersey?
Britton Colquitt. I’m thinking this one comes down to field position, and he’ll be our best weapon if that’s the case. Perhaps the best of the Colquitt kicking clan, Britton will be motivated by last year’s loss, which he contributed to by taking the Gator bait and attempting the fake punt. He didn’t punt even once last week, so he’s well-rested, too.
See also, the aforementioned Mayo, safety Demetrice Morley, who’s the most talented athlete on the team, and running back Montario Hardesty, who was ahead of Arian Foster on the depth chart last year before he tore his ACL. He’ll probably start in place of Foster this Saturday, and he’s got boogeyman moves.
4. Conversely, who is currently knocking on the door of your nightmares
and wearing a blue and orange jersey?
Tony Joiner, and he’s got an orange-and-blue hued sack full of condiments.
Saw some video of freshman receiver Percy Harvin this morning, and he looks scary good.
5. Name the most appalling things you’ve seen fans from both sides do to another fan in this rivalry. You have to have seen this with your own eyes, counselor, and the offense cannot include the wearing of jorts.
Oh, this question had so much promise, and yet I’m going to whiff. You’d think that with a seating capacity of roughly 104,000 it would be easier to get tickets. I’ve been to a lot of games, but, shame of all shame, I’ve never seen a game against the dreaded Gators. So if you rule out jort-wearing, I’m left with whatever made it onto the airwaves and into the papers, which isn’t much. I’ve heard the stories about Gator fans throwing urine-filled cups in the general direction of Tennessee coaches’ wives, but I suspect that the legends of horrific fan behavior are exaggerated.
Then again, that could explain why Tide fan Chris Bice told Warren St. John in Rammer
Jammer Yellow Hammer that he’d go to any away game except Florida because that’s where he “might end up killing somebody.”
6. If Tennessee wins…how grandiose do your visions of the future get?
I’m actually sticking with my preseason predictions at this point, even if the Vols beat the Gators. You’ll recall that during our preseason podcast with Rusty, I said I thought that Tennessee would split its games with Florida and Georgia, and that Georgia would win the East. Even if Tennessee wins, I still think we
lose to Georgia and LSU. Perhaps one more as well.
But if Ainge can continue to lead the nation in passing efficiency, things could get interesting.
We liked this Erik Ainge better.
7. Name Tennessee’s principal weaknesses, and how Florida may exploit
them.
Tennessee’s offensive line has done remarkably well in the first two games considering preseason expectations. Florida’s highly touted defensive line will need to test them to see if they’ve been good or lucky. If the Gator d-line beats the Vol o-line, we’ll also find out whether Ainge reverts to 2005 in the face of adversity or whether he is indeed a new man.
8. Name Florida’s principal weaknesses, and how Tennessee may exploit
them.
I frankly don’t see any weaknesses. Perhaps the o-line, but it would appear that this would be a weakness v. weakness match up, especially with star defensive tackle Justin Harrell outplaying
with one arm.
Here’s the game plan as far as I can tell: (1) hit Chris Leak; (2) contain,contain, contain; (3) hit Chris Leak; (4) protect Erik Ainge; (5) hit Chris Leak; and (6) punt the ball really, really, really far.
9. How’s Phil looking? He appears to be just under cruising weight, if you ask us.
Phillip’s looking tense. Angry. Dissatisfied. He’s thinner and grayer.
Hungry, you could say.
10. Your bold prediction, which you may not weasel out of under pain of
horrendous insult, is:
EDSBS Store Live it. Love it. Wear it until it's ripped from your body by envious hordes of tailgaters.
Locker Room
About us
Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
Contact
Comments? Questions? Long strings of profanities directed at something we said? Please send your comments to harumphharumph -a- yahoo -dot- com. Please direct all tailgating photos and stories to edsbsfans -a- gmail -dot- com.
Lake The Posts Northwestern football, which is purple and smarter than you and no thank you would NOT like a ten win season at the cost of academic integrity, thank you very much.
Maize ‘n Brew And still yet another strong, funny, and literate Michigan blogger. Embarrassment of riches over there, really.
MGoBlog The horribly, admirably partisan Kodiak Bear of UM Blogs
Loading ...
