Lusty, busty, and about to be rusty–all describe Chuck Amato, who officially took priority seating on the coaches’ death watch. We have to rate Chuck’s odds of survival on the size of his pecs, since they seem to constitute 58% of his BMI. The scale works as such:

Chuck’s getting paid through the next Presidential administration: Lee Haney.

Chuck might live: Eh, more like Jake Gyllenhaal or any other guy who hits the machines enough.

Chuck’s gone: Dustin Diamond, a.k.a. Screech, pre-frequent Howard Stern guest/chess wizard phase.

And today’s reading on the Chuck Amato survival meter…


Reading: just plain screech-y.

Amato didn’t make this any better for himself politically speaking by taking the goodwill afforded him by atrocious officiating on Saturday and squandering it by blaming Akron’s “taking non-qualifiers” for their success against the Wolfpack. Therefore, the pecs of good fortune look droopy, shriveled, and weeping for massive expansion in the gym today.