THE CHUCK AMATO SURVIVAL METER

by Orson on Sep 12, 2006 1:48 PM EDT

Lusty, busty, and about to be rusty--all describe Chuck Amato, who officially took priority seating on the coaches' death watch. We have to rate Chuck's odds of survival on the size of his pecs, since they seem to constitute 58% of his BMI. The scale works as such:

Chuck's getting paid through the next Presidential administration: Lee Haney.

Chuck might live: Eh, more like Jake Gyllenhaal or any other guy who hits the machines enough.

Chuck's gone: Dustin Diamond, a.k.a. Screech, pre-frequent Howard Stern guest/chess wizard phase.

And today's reading on the Chuck Amato survival meter...

Reading: just plain screech-y.

Amato didn't make this any better for himself politically speaking by taking the goodwill afforded him by atrocious officiating on Saturday and squandering it by blaming Akron's "taking non-qualifiers" for their success against the Wolfpack. Therefore, the pecs of good fortune look droopy, shriveled, and weeping for massive expansion in the gym today.

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Cue the local media reports of Bill Cowher sightings!

http://www.newsobserver.com/122/story/485226.html

by DevilGrad on Sep 12, 2006 2:05 PM EDT reply actions

ehhh. dustin diamond came to furman in 2001 to do stand-up. it pretty much destroyed the memories of my childhood. he’s packed on the weight. and has a goatee. in his words, it “looks like i went down on it, and came up with it.”

the horror.

by adam on Sep 12, 2006 2:36 PM EDT reply actions

Poor Chuckie, at least he’s following Lee Haney’s advice as he’s always “getting the negative”.

’Let’s Rock ‘n Roll, Lee!’

by SeaTrojan on Sep 12, 2006 2:42 PM EDT reply actions

Tweet tweet yeah,
Tweet tweet yeah,
Put that bird back in the cage!

by Cool Hand Mike on Sep 12, 2006 2:55 PM EDT reply actions

Did Amato really complain about non-qualifiers? Darrell Blackman played high school ball less than an hour from the Penn State campus, but he was such an academic liability that the PSU coaches wouldn’t even remotely consider offering him a scholarship. Of comrse, some other schools didn’t mind.

by Run Up The Score on Sep 12, 2006 3:10 PM EDT reply actions

BTW, D’Amato is now just one evening with a hooker or a group of drunken Clemson coeds shy of being fully qualified for a CUSA coaching job.

by DevilGrad on Sep 12, 2006 4:05 PM EDT reply actions

That cuts deep, DevilGrad.

by Cool Hand Mike on Sep 12, 2006 4:33 PM EDT reply actions

A friend of mine who is a big NC State fan said Amato is in no trouble, even if he loses at Southern Miss. He wins bowl games when he gets there and has lovely shoes, and Bowden hasn’t given him the FSU game yet.

by AUAlum on Sep 12, 2006 7:39 PM EDT reply actions

This is outstanding work.

However, Chuck, for better or worse, isn’t going anywhere unless he chokes a reporter to death. To get fired under our AD, you apparently need to lose every conference game save one over five seasons.
http://www.statefansnation.com/index.php/archives/2005/11/27/ap-breaking-news-lee-fowler-fires-a-coach/

NC State: The only school where well-compensated coaches have the same job security as any other state employee.

by TVP on Sep 12, 2006 8:05 PM EDT reply actions

Overnight, it occurred to me that yesterday I confused the last names of Chuck Amato and former New York senator Alfonse D’Amato, who, coincidentally, was a whiny, underachieving asshole who eventually lost his job.

My apologies for the mix-up.

by DevilGrad on Sep 13, 2006 9:36 AM EDT reply actions

I suspect that Chuck is going for higher ranking on your death watch this week at Southern Miss. He is going to top Screech. You are going to need a new classification for him.

by chuckchuck.us on Sep 15, 2006 8:28 PM EDT reply actions