TWO TEXAS PLAYERS ARRESTED BUT HOLY HELL CHUCK NORRIS!!!

by Orson on Sep 5, 2006 2:59 PM EDT

Sure, three players got arrested for Texas over the weekend, including Tarell Brown, a starting corner on the defending national championship defense. They're not going to need him. In fact, they could play three on 11 and still win the game, provided those three were Ione Skye, Olesegun Obasanjo, and the one man who matters most in all things in life:

Give up now, Ohio State, and your death by roundhouse kick will be swift and painless. (HT: David.)

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What you don’t see is that immediately after this clip, the reporter’s head exploded as Chuck Norris smited him for giving what Chuck described later as “a disbelieving little ninny laugh” in response to the longhorns that Chuck keeps on his ranch.

by italiangator on Sep 5, 2006 3:05 PM EDT reply actions

Oh shit! Chuck Norris (actor/martial arts expert) is a Longhorns fan. I think Tressel just crapped his sweatervest if that’s possible.

by Gob Bluth on Sep 5, 2006 3:10 PM EDT reply actions

Wow. texas is going to murder the buckeyes with mind bullets and roundhouse kicks.

by irishoutsider on Sep 5, 2006 3:12 PM EDT reply actions

What has Chuck decreed regarding the Fulmer Cup? Does UT get a head start on ’07, or are points awarded strictly for off-season incidents?

by DevilGrad on Sep 5, 2006 3:22 PM EDT reply actions

Strictly off-season.

by Orson Swindle on Sep 5, 2006 3:25 PM EDT reply actions

The OSU defense better watch out because Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

by JR on Sep 5, 2006 3:25 PM EDT reply actions

Did you see how giddy Chuck Norris got when he mentioned Bevo? I think he’s in love.

by Phil K. on Sep 5, 2006 3:29 PM EDT reply actions

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

by DevilGrad on Sep 5, 2006 3:30 PM EDT reply actions

Insert Juwan Simpson joke here

by Tater Salad on Sep 5, 2006 3:37 PM EDT reply actions

In lieu of flowers, send donations to the “Feed Phil K’s kids after he was killed by Chuck Norris Fund”

by NewAZTiger on Sep 5, 2006 3:38 PM EDT reply actions

“I think Tressel just crapped his sweatervest if that’s possible.”

I can’t imagine he’d wear one of those next Saturday. The heat was brutal this weekend. Not as brutal as Chuck Norris, mind you.

by Orangeblood on Sep 5, 2006 3:53 PM EDT reply actions

what is it about ironic celebrities and texas teams? hasselhoff, chuck norris … who’s next? i say bring on ron silver. i just rented timecop. he was the bad guy in timecop.

by fat lenny on Sep 5, 2006 4:31 PM EDT reply actions

Not to doubt the sincerity of Chuck Norris’ Texas fandom but….. “woomph”… ack….

by Whitey on Sep 5, 2006 4:37 PM EDT reply actions

I think Chuck’s love for Bevo is perfectly reasonable, given the fact that his seed would probably destroy a human woman.

by Phil K. on Sep 5, 2006 4:48 PM EDT reply actions

P.S., if my kids want to be fed, they’ll have to find me first.

by Phil K. on Sep 5, 2006 4:49 PM EDT reply actions

I heard Chuck is going to wait for Brutus Buckeye to get off the bus and administer a series of scissor kicks that will result in the crippling of both Maurice Clarett and the Israeli Mafia.

by Tarpon on Sep 5, 2006 5:05 PM EDT reply actions

When I played that clip, when Chuck started talking, all the windows in my office cracked . And the fish in my tank died. Coincidence?

by cowboycane on Sep 5, 2006 5:42 PM EDT reply actions

Mack Brown has been in contact with Juwan Simpson’s lawyer. HEY-O!

by Ritty on Sep 5, 2006 6:09 PM EDT reply actions

Yeah, well if UF coulda got Steve Irwin (Rest his soul) UF woulda been unstoppable

by Willy Mac on Sep 5, 2006 7:25 PM EDT reply actions

EDSBS linked on WashingtonPost.com, as Orson’s quest for world domination (or at least a safe congressional seat and access to interns) continues.

http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/

by DevilGrad on Sep 5, 2006 7:37 PM EDT reply actions

Chuck Norris v The Orgeron?

by Rome on Sep 6, 2006 3:05 AM EDT reply actions

Texas didn’t win the National Championship, they simply didn’t lose…Chuck Norris doesn’t like to lose.

Rome…if Chuck Norris went head-to-head with The Orgeron, there would be a rip in the time/space continuim and life as we know it would cease to exist.
Don’t believe me? Ask Marty!

by Mike on Sep 6, 2006 10:05 AM EDT reply actions

I was there.

by Nick on Sep 6, 2006 3:27 PM EDT reply actions

I can’t believe he’s not wearing a cowboy hat. Pussy.

by Spulture on Sep 11, 2006 8:06 PM EDT reply actions

Did you call Chuck Norris a pussy? Enjoy your last moments on Earth dude. By the way if you haven’t seen it there is a bridge in Budapest Hungary that may be named after the diminuitive, balding, chunk of coiled steel-no shit!

http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2006/08/the_chuck_norris_bridge.html

by Dylan on Sep 12, 2006 11:16 AM EDT reply actions