Paul outdoes himself in an epic piece of online journalism illustrating what many suspected: the large “family zones” in Athens designed for alcohol-free tailgating attracted exactly three tailgates. To give some perspective, trash cans outnumbered tailgates in the areas, large swaths of territory University President Michael Adams designated as sanctuaries for safe, booze-free, subdued tailgating for families. The eleven children roaming the grounds in search of companionship surely learned a lesson in their tiny insignficance in an infinite, empty world.*


Oh give me land, lots a land, under starry skies above…

Adams made a fatal assumption here: that families and alcohol don’t go together. In Georgia, this could not be farther from the truth. In reality, it’s what keeps most families from attacking each other over the dinner table, and an integral part of family life. Don’t be surprised if the per capita total number of arrests in the “family-friendly” zones doesn’t eclipse the other tailgate areas for this reason.

Take Notre Dame fans, for instance. We watched the ND/Georgia Tech game this weekend, and families abounded. So did alcohol–Irish fans stood solidly in the 70 to 80th percentile of gameday drinkers we’ve seen, a proud accomplishment considering the logistical difficulties presented by transit through strange territory. And no one would accuse them of not having a “family-friendly” environment so long as they refrain from dancing in front of the children. (No one deserves that fate.)

Paul won’t say it on his blog, since he does make overtures to being family-friendly. But like Steve Carell explaining his suicide to a seven-year old in Little Miss Sunshine, we’ll have a moment of honesty with y’all. Ready?

Michael Adams is a dickface.

Glad we could clear that up in single, clarion sentence.

*Or maybe they just messed around on the inflatable slides and wondered where all the rank drunks were while bugging their mom for another coke. That’s certainly not as funny to us.