Everyday Should Be Saturday

August 29, 2006

BOOTY HIGHLIGHTS.

We’re a little behind the curve here, in case you didn’t notice. We just bought a pair of the deckest jeans; they’re really big everywhere, but especially through the pant legs, so you walk around like you just don’t give a fuck or something. And this rap group Onyx? They’re just awesome. And just in case you haven’t had one yet, the Big Montana at Arby’s is off the chain! Especially with gobs of horsey sauce. Eat one of those and you’re ready to start your own ‘zine or something.

One last thing we have to turn you on to: USC football. We’ve been sitting around the EDSBS offices leafing through our old ESPN Magazines, and we’ve come to a crazee conclusion. (It’s not wack–just crazee! Like Crazee Bone from Bone Thugz ‘N Harmony, the awesome singing rap group from Cleveland or Omaha or someplace like that. They’ll see you at the crossroads right after the first of the month.)

That crazee idea is this: we think Pete Carroll’s gonna be all right at USC. In fact, we think they might be national championship contenders when it’s all said and done. You know, once they shake off the cobwebs from the Paul Hackett years. With some phenomenal recruiting under his belt, he may be ready to say WASSUP!!! to success. WASSSSSSUUUUUUUP!

Trojan Wire’s got this video of their new quarterback John David Booty, who’s really lucky to be a person with three names not in jail for multiple murder or a sex crime. The video makes it look like USC’s got some talent on offense, which has totally been lacking since Keyshawn Johnson took his damn ball and left town. We’ve only got one problem with the video: do you want to make a video of your qb playing to a song that talks about how “it’s going down?” What? Him? That’s bad in one way, as in getting sacked, and ambiguous in another way.

Now if you’ll excuse us, we’ve got to feed our Tamagotchi. Adieu.

THE HERBIES ARE OUT

Much as we pick on the WWL, we count ourselves as fans of Herbstreit… if for no other reason than what a freaking life he’s leading.  Talk about dream jobs.  Anyway, he has come out with his sixth annual Herbie awards, which consist of a variety of his picks as best players and favorite things about college football.  Aside from not including the Ole Ballcoach on his list of favorite playcallers, one thing really stood out to us about this list… the “All Uniform Team”.  Is Kirk a fan of the Boi from Troynot that there is anything wrong with that. 

Life is good for Kirk Herbstreit.

EDSBS WORD OF THE DAY

Todays word of the day: shitbag.

Definition: Oh, how about this for starters.

(We didn’t set that up, btw. Here’s what irks us in the page info:

“Copyright 2005 by Fulmer Cup.” See? Shitbags.)

Usage: “Someone who would set up a site using your bit without asking permission even once and then do so poorly is, for lack of better words, a total fucking shitbag.”

Cease and desist, pigfuckers.

USM VS UF: OMG CFB WOOOOOOO!!!!

We asked SMQ to give us a bit about the Southern Miss/Florida game on Saturday, and he responded with the depth, feel, and sheer volume you’ve come to expect from him. He’s also more than just a little invested, since he’s a USM alum and therefore sort of cares a bit about the game. Thanks to him, we now know that USM’s got a player who actually killed someone on their team. Get your knowledge on below:

1. You’re selling us on why we should quake in our boots at the mighty Golden Eagles: explain the one offensive and one defensive reason behind ourcringing, wobbly fear.

I wasn’t going to attempt to sell the team on its “giant killer” reputation, because I think that’s
overwrought, and much less likely to happen now than four or five years ago. If this were any year between 1997 and 2001, I’d be about three times as confident of a possible upset, and very assured of a respectable performance.

If you insist, though, the scariest proposition about Southern Miss is always the “giant killer” tag. USM’s gone on the road in the last ten years to beat Georgia, Alabama and Nebraska, taken out top ten, undefeated TCU at home, and played the hell out of Tennessee, Nebraska, and Alabama on the road and that very good 2004 Cal team in Hattiesburg in eventual losses. The list of big wins and near misses prior to the past few seasons is fairly epic.

You should really, really quake if Southern Miss does knock you out early on. The last two big “upset” road wins came over a highly-touted Alabama team that wound up 3-8 and an unranked Nebraska team that finished 5-6 (and, truth be told, dominated the USM game aside from
Joe Dailey being Joe Dailey on about half a dozen plays). The “marquee” wins in between were at home to defending Big Ten champ Illinois (final record: 5-7) in 2002 and No. 8 TCU to win the C-USA title in 2003. There’s much less to hang the hat on recently than we like to admit.

Last year’s team was about as lucky as it could be to extend the winning streak to 13 years. I was feeling the impending doom of 5-7 with this year’s team, but here are a couple reasons I1ve been feeling a little better:

Shawn Nelson: A 6-4, 230-pound sophomore tight end who’s definitely an SEC-caliber talent. Really a receiver at heart: the tight end has been forever an invisible blocker in USM1s offense, but Nelson was so good they got him involved often enough for him to lead the team in catches and touchdowns as a redshirt freshman. The receiving corps in general is pretty good, and Nelson’s the guy I want to see with the ball the most. “New Orleans Bowl MVP” may not have much cache, but he was it.

Damion Fletcher: Hate to mention him, because he’s an OMG Freshman!, and therefore inevitably overrated at this stage. But the last true freshman running back to play for Jeff Bower was Derrick Nix in 1998, and even if the undersized Fletcher is the stylistic antithesis
of the “Baby Bull,” he’s getting rave reviews from Bower in press conferences and will definitely play. This is a surprise, because freshman usually see very little playing time early on, he wasn’t all that highly recruited and the top two guys, Cody Hull and Larry Thomas, are back from last year (Thomas will start Saturday). It doesn’t take a whole lot to compete with that underwhelming combo, but the fact that Fletcher has asserted himself so quickly without
very high expectations might be a sign he’s a special player. I really have no idea.

Brandon Sumrall: I have a big soft spot, as all Eagle fans should, for Caleb Hendrix, who stepped in off the bench because of an injury in his first game after being moved from receiver to cornerback as a sophomore to miraculously knock away a sure game-winning
touchdown from Matt Herrian to preserve the Nebraska win, and hasn’t left the lineup since. That said, he and newly-installed starter Jasper Faulk are an iffy pair of senior corners, and adequate at best. The depth there is horrifying. Which brings me to Sumrall, the bright spot in the secondary at strong safety, where he made a ton of tackles, a couple big hits and
five interceptions in his first season as a starter. Another guy who’s good enough to start at some SEC schools.


What should not happen on Saturday, inshallah.

The linebackers: Humongous things are expected from undersized but fast outside guys Gerald McRath and Tokumbo Abanikanda. USM has had a different linebacker win C-USA Defensive Player of the Year in three straight seasons, and those two are going to be
counted on to continue that tradition. Both come in technically as new starters, but McRath supposedly was going to play a lot at a crowded position as a true freshman in 2004 but went down injured in the preseason, then came back to make six tackles and return an interception for a momentum-changing touchdown at Alabama, won conference Defensive Player of the Week, and broke his leg the following game against McNeese State; Abanikanda had a little hype as a true freshman, played very little, and made seven tackles and a sack in his first start in the bowl game. Not a sparkling resume, and the optimism might be a projection towards 2007 and 2008 rather than an immediate inducement to tremors from Florida fans, but last year’s starters, James Denley and converted fullback Wayne Hardy, are hopefully on the back burner
for the long haul. Recent developments could push McRath into the middle and keep Denley outside, which is less desirable.

The Middle of the Defense: The other linebacker in the starting mix is Marcus Raines, a physical beast with a manslaughter conviction for kicking a guy’s head in at age 17. (more…)

WSJ SUCCESS INDEX: FLORIDA REIGNS SUPREME.

God bless the people at the Wall Street Journal: when they deign to cover football, especially grubby ol’ college ball, they do so with the attitude of your most savage accountant whipping up a razor-sharp prospectus. The prospectus in question this time is the WSJ’s ongoing survey of college football programs and the success of their recruits, which uses a six-point scale to measure not only how high college players are drafted out of their respective programs but how positive their impact on their NFL teams actually is.

Squatting happily atop the pile are the two state universities from Florida, Florida State and our own beloved University of Florida. The recruits from both schools not only garner high draft picks; they also make their teams better. As much as it pains us to say this, that’s no surprise with Florida State, who according to the WSJ “blew away” the competition. Two words answer why: Derrick. Brooks. Another name helps, to: Mickey Andrews, the evil, frog-mouthed, dirty, skunk-souled bastard whose defenses have maimed Gator offenses for the better part of two decades now. The driving force behind the program now comes from his presence, and he’s the one responsible for turning FSU’s defense into Rushmore Prep for the NFL.

And while this certainly looks happy-making for Florida–the NFL’s rife with Gators now–the survey brings little good news for Alabama. Taking Shaun Alexander out of the equation leaves Alabama with precious little to claim in the way of value added for draft picks. Ditto for Colorado, whose NFL class is aging out of significance.


Freddie Milons. Yeah, that guy’s gonna be unstoppable in the NFL!

JOEPA, AVID COLLECTOR OF HOT TUBS

Joe Paterno? The hardest of the hard, according to Losers With Socks:

Few know of his elaborate tastes, however. JoePa reportedly has an insatiable appetite for Italian race cars, quality mescaline, and classy amateur porn. Before his untimely death, Eazy-E was once quoted as saying that JoePa “could snort more blow than a Peruvian army.” He is an avid collector of hot tubs.

Check out the other “Mickey Rourke-hard” members of the list here.


We’re pretty sure Rich Brooks would qualify somewhere around “Christopher Lowell”-hard.

ERNESTO NOT LIKELY TO DELAY FSU-MIAMI

It doesn’t look like Ernesto will interfere with Monday’s big game, but that doesn’t mean it won’t interfere with practice.  It also seems like there could be some soggy football played elsewhere along the Atlantic coast this weekend, but where still remains a question. 

HUNTSVILLE, HERE I COME

Former Uber-recruit, now disgraced ex-Sooner, Rhett Bomar has returned to his home state and has enrolled at Sam Houston State.  Being that it is a Division I-AA school, Bomar does not have to sit out a year because of the transfer.  He does, however, have to regain his eligibility and there is no telling how long that will take. 

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